How to listen to your emotions (and why it matters)

Everybody occasionally feels uncomfortable feelings, especially during their most trying periods. And when we do, suppressing or resisting those feelings is frequently our automatic reaction.

And while this is a reasonable reaction to experiencing something incredibly difficult, there is solid evidence to show that these tactics are ineffective.

Researchers have shown via clinical experiments that those who battle with emotions or repress them are more likely to have mental health issues like anxiety and despair.

And those who unintentionally push back against them mentally wind up making the emotion stronger and last longer. Research indicates that acknowledging and focussing on unpleasant emotions is more advantageous for individuals than attempting to manage or suppress them.

In this blog I will explain a three-step process for becoming mindful of your emotions. You'll be able to access whatever knowledge your emotions may have to offer you via this practice, as well as discover constructive coping mechanisms for your emotions.

Emotions as signposts

Our emotions are a kind of energy that contains knowledge about our wants, values, well-being, and what is and is not acceptable for us.

These emotions come to the surface to be expressed and to indicate, or warn, us when we might have unfulfilled needs, need to set boundaries, or need to change the way we behave. Some of our emotions are the result of biological processes known as hard-wired survival patterns, which have developed over time to protect us from danger and shouldn't be disregarded.

Our bodies and brains continue to attempt to communicate with us when we attempt to control our emotions because they are too uncomfortable. As a result, we may employ different strategies, such as physical or mental sickness or increased reactivity.

Without realising it, a lot of individuals suppress or battle against their feelings. That's why it's critical to develop a good coping mechanism for challenging emotions as they emerge. We may release internal tension, re-establish inner equilibrium, and regulate emotions in a healthier way after we learn to recognise and pay attention to our emotions.

I feel. I need. I will. Three easy steps to start listening to your feelings

We require a quick, easy, and practical technique to defuse unhelpful reactions and assist us in handling the emotions in a more competent and empowered way when we are experiencing a painful or challenging feeling.

Finishing three phrases when experiencing a challenging feeling is the goal of this exercise. You can do it aloud, in your head, or with a pen and paper. whatever is most effective for you.

"I feel" is the first one.

"I need" is the second one.

"I will" comes in third.

Step 1. I feel

The phrase "I feel" is a straightforward method of naming a feeling (instead of battling with it or suppressing it). You may tell yourself, for example, "I feel sad" in this situation. We may detach from the feeling and gain some mental space by acknowledging the sensation. According to research, mentally labelling a feeling in this way can lower its intensity by up to 50%.

Step 2. I need

"I need" asks you to consider what, if any, needs you might not now have.

For example, suppose the feeling was loneliness. Perhaps when you think about the reasons for your loneliness, you come to the conclusion that you don't spend enough time with the people you love. Perhaps you might tell yourself, "I need to make more connections in my life."

Another instance would be if you are experiencing guilt. You could ponder why you feel that way and come to the conclusion that it's because you got into a disagreement with someone and said something you should have refrained from saying. Therefore, you may be thinking to yourself, "I need to make amends."

Or maybe you feel anger because your boss gave you extra work to do when you’re already overloaded. You might say to yourself, “I need to speak up and put better boundaries in place with my boss so I don’t get burnt out.”

Step 3. I will

Saying "I will" helps you come up with a plan of action to assist yourself in meeting your needs.

at the scenario when you are feeling alone and need greater social interaction, you may tell yourself at this step, "I'll give my friends a call tonight and invite them over for dinner."

"I will go to this person tomorrow, apologise, and aim to communicate better from now on," is what you could tell yourself if you feel regret and the urge to make apologies.

And in the case of the anger and the need to put better boundaries in place, in this step you may say something like, “I will say no to my boss the next time she asks me to do more than I can realistically handle and explain to her that I don’t wish to work overtime as it is causing me stress.”

Your mental strength practice for this week

Try this exercise a couple of times over the course of the next week and see how it goes for you. Use the "I feel, I need, I will" three-step process the next time you experience a challenging feeling.

Emotions are not only better controlled and expressed when we listen to and deal with them in this way, but they may also serve as our mentors and instructors. They may assist us in being more aware of our own needs, helping us live according to our moral principles, and assisting us in maintaining our strength, happiness, and health.

As usual, I appreciate your practice and being here.