How to listen well: Active listening

To listen really well we have to bring empathy and understanding to the conversation. In case you missed the video, you can check it here.

With so much of our communication now online, the human side often gets lost. But we’re not robots. Emojis and apps can’t replace human attention and dialogue. We’ve evolved over millions of years to understand each other using non-verbal facial and body cues. Reducing communication to chat can cause misunderstandings, mistakes, and frustrated people.

Now more than ever we need to invest in listening well, in particular what psychologists call 'Active Listening', building trust, understanding and empowering others.

Listening with empathy is simple but not easy. ?We don't have to agree with everything they say but simply be willing to put ourselves into the other person's world.

That takes time and effort, you cry! But believe it or not, it saves time. You can’t afford not to listen well, given the huge competition for talent right now. We must make time for active listening for our people to feel valued, encouraged, and empowered to solve problems. And, given our work today is mostly about sharing and interpreting information and collaborating on solutions, listening well builds trust, understanding, and empathy and allows us to follow each other’s thinking.

One of the greatest psychologists ever, Dr. Carl Rogers said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mould you, it feels damn good. . . . When I have been listened to and when I have been heard, I am able to re-perceive my world in a new way and to go on. It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens. How confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard."

So how do you listen actively?

1.????Show sincerity with your body language and facial expressions

2.????Be understanding, even if they’ve upset you or lost your trust.

3.????Put yourself in their shoes to experience what they are experiencing. You’re not agreeing, just listening.

4.????Occasionally repeat back what you think you’ve heard using their words.

5.????Ask them if they think you’ve heard them correctly.

I was consulting on a big construction project that was a year late and a billion dollars over budget. A new project director was appointed to turn things around. I facilitated a meeting between him and the project manager, who’d been running the project from the beginning and was worried about the new boss. We did an exercise where one person recommended to the other what they ought to stop, start and continue doing to be more effective. The project manager went first, and the project director agreed to listen with empathy, putting himself in the other’s shoes.

“Start appreciating people’s accomplishments,” the project manager began. “Stop jumping in during meetings and focusing on what’s not working. And please stop reminding us how badly screwed up the project is.”

Ooooh. But the director smiled. He didn’t need to repeat back. He got it. “I agree,” he said. It was an emotional moment. Going forward he stuck to his promise and everything changed.

I hope you found this useful. Try it out with people you’re stuck with.

Listen actively, with empathy.