How to Listen Powerfully (for a coaching conversation)

Introduction

Listening isn't just about hearing words—it's about deeply understanding and engaging with the person speaking. In this blog post, I share my most significant insight: the extraordinary power and value of listening powerfully, drawn from a lifetime of experiences.

Life Is Not Trivial

Before diving into the mechanics of powerful listening, it's crucial to acknowledge a fundamental truth: life is not trivial. This realization dawned on me through a series of personal tragedies. Losing my grandmother at 14, a friend to suicide at 28, and my mother to cancer at 29, among other painful losses during the COVID-19 pandemic, drove home the impermanence of life. Each moment is precious, extraordinary even, if we choose to see it that way.

Every Moment Is Precious

It's easy to take life for granted, to treat minutes and days as ordinary. But my experiences have taught me that every moment is extraordinary if we choose to see it that way. This realization led me to shift from a career in engineering to coaching—each day treated as if it were my last.

By doing so, I've adopted a "no regrets" philosophy. I prioritize actions that align with my deepest values and aspirations, seizing the present moment with urgency and clarity.

No Regrets

Living with no regrets means working in a particular way. Regardless of profession, whether you're an engineer, manager, leader, CEO, or coach, you can lead an extraordinary life. My approach involves clear, direct communication and an unwavering commitment to the people I work with.

Life is Happening RIGHT NOW

The understanding that life is short has profoundly shaped my coaching method. There is no time to wait for confidence or courage. Recognize that every moment is happening right now, packed with potential and significance. When I invite someone for a conversation, I mean business. I communicate directly, without sugarcoating, because every moment counts.

How to Listen Powerfully

Listening powerfully is essential in any conversation, especially coaching. Here are key principles to maximize the value of your interactions:

1. The Most Important Conversation of Your Life

Treat every conversation as the most important one. When you're with me, you're the focus of my entire attention. This isn't about comparing your importance to my family; it's about being fully present. Show up with focus and commitment, free from distractions, to create an impactful exchange.

2. All The Power Lies in You (and your listening)

The real power resides in your listening, not in my words. My role is not to be an expert but to help you realize your own potential. Listen for the gold—valuable insights—not to argue with or dismiss what doesn't initially resonate. Even if just one minute of a conversation provides a powerful takeaway, that alone can be transformative.

3. Take Action - Nothing Works Until You Do

Apply what you learn. The power of our conversation lies not in the dialogue itself but in how you implement the insights in your life. Change happens through action, guided by the realizations you uncover during our conversation.

You Are More Powerful than You Realize

Understand this: you already possess the power and potential needed to tackle your challenges. My job is to help you see and act on that power. You're not here to be molded or instructed, but to uncover your existing strengths and make powerful choices.

Be Intentional. Come Prepared

Enter our conversations with a clear purpose. Don't settle for playing not to lose; play to win. Challenge yourself and me with your biggest issues, fears, and dreams. The more intentional you are, the more value you'll gain from our time together.

Be Open and Coachable

Being open is crucial. Come willing to share freely, consider different perspectives, and face your deepest fears. When I speak the truth, it might provoke you. But being open to challenging ideas is the gateway to growth and learning.

Test It Out. Play With It. Then Choose for Yourself

Don't just trust what I say—test it in your life. Disregard preconceived beliefs and see what works for you through practice. My goal isn't to convince you but to help you discover what truly resonates and works for you.

It Is Not About Me

Remember, every conversation we have isn't about me proving a point. I'm here to help you see what's possible when you adopt new perspectives and insights. Only you can truly accept or reject an idea and recognize your own strength and worthiness.

Conclusion

Listening powerfully can transform not only your coaching conversations but your entire life. Approach every interaction with intention, openness, and the readiness to act. Focus on your listening—this is the most crucial lesson I've learned.

Until next time, keep choosing leadership, and keep listening powerfully. Thank you.