How to be a LinkedIn Influencer

Are you lost for words but still have an urge to put them out there?

Do you have a desire to be an expert but have no expertise?

Think LinkedIn is the only social platform out there?

Good news. This article is for you.

I will share my tips, wisdom and insights to help you get from where you are, to rock bottom.

If you end up on reddit, that's your own fault.

I’m not being paid to do this or sponsored so mention me in your gratitude journal. ?

[SPACE FOR ANECDOTAL ENDORSEMENT OF SPONSOR]

Remember, you too can add to the ouroboros of vapid, hand wavey content that makes up our daily content diet.

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Remember your target audience

Click home on LinkedIn and look at the name under your tastefully cropped holiday/bar photo.

It’s your name. Hopefully.

It’s also the answer to the question below.

“Who should you think about first in every post you make?”

If your post isn’t scratching your ego, what’s the point in posting it?

It’s your post, isn’t it?

Likes = Success

The reader won’t care, and they’re all certainly too lazy to write anything themselves aren’t they? You’re doing people a favour by posting, so don’t worry about “content” or “purpose” too much.

Everyone is grateful to have something to read while doom scrolling.

Your job is to be seen more than anyone else.

That’s how you win at business, at life.

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?Be original

Haha, kidding, originality is dead. We have dictionaries full of every word you will ever say.

Even this article is a rewrite of one I did during covid.

Don’t worry.

Be second. But be louder.

Look at posts people are putting up that do well.

Do they inspire you?

Are thoughts, emotions and debate stirred up from these?

Perfect.

Repost that bad boy and you’re well on your way to free likes.

Congratulations, you’re an influencer with no work, research or clue.

It’s literally as easy as that.

Oh, and block the original poster so they can’t call you out.

Credit is for losers who can’t afford a car.

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Speling and profrading

Do you use autocorect? That’s not very sigma of you.

Winners dont have time to profread or focus on correcting any errorss theymake when typing fast. If anyone points it out call them out for what they are

jaelous

Your too busy wining Linkedin, hearts and minds.

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Measure your...performance.

If you’re a content creator reading this, my condolences. This is going to be a really hard post to reword and repurpose.

Remember, you have to make sure that whatever you post will get likes. Otherwise, the head honchos will figure out this bloody brilliant con we’re running.

We can’t let them find out that social media engagement is only good for pretty graphs.

So, to keep them off the scent, measure success with how many of your colleagues like the post.

Can’t be fired if the boss liked it can you?

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Assert your superiority

But what if all else fails, you can’t think of anything easy to say or steal, but you still need the great unwashed to pay tribute to you?

Remind them who is bossing it each and every day.

Can THEY get up at 5am to sell aloe vera products?

Do THEY buy themselves a new car with their easily attainable and realistic OTE?

Will THEY find the hot singles in their area?

Of course, they can’t they’re NPCs in your game of life.

Tell them how insignificant and rubbish they are under the guise of “motivation”, it’s only natural those at the bottom should look up.

Why not you?

Because honestly.

Who REALLY cares about the reader?

Follow my advice, and you can’t go wrong.*

Or just get Chat GPT to do it and stand in with everyone else.

/s