How Life and Leading are a Lot Like Getting a New Cell Phone

A few weeks ago, I had to get a new cell phone. An iPhone 15.? A much-needed upgrade.

But I marveled at myself, delaying this change as long as humanly possible.?

Have you gotten a new cell phone lately?? Or are you dragging your feet despite needing one?

Do you look forward to running a cell phone update on your existing phone, or do you mutter under your breath wondering what new havoc the changes could reap?

When you ultimately make these kinds of changes in the spirit of progress, does a part of you huff and puff a bit? Tense up, grow frustrated on the road to progress? ?

Or is it just me?

I’m now “updated,” but it was a process. Temporarily, I was brought to a halt. It meant a timeout to head to the cell phone store (twice), sort out pricing and models, transfer data. It meant down-time and inconvenience.

And even afterward with the new phone in hand, it meant ramping up all over again--signing in to apps, learning how to silence this version of iPhone (for real), new adapters and chargers.

At the same time some great things were happening (like 4x the storage space), there was an annoying adjustment period.

September is around the corner and it’s always ripe with changes in the workplace and at home.?? ?

Read on to see what you can learn from the “new phone syndrome” to help you navigate the month.

And as always, drop me a comment or email to say hi or to share your new phone experience.

The “Now What?” Scenario: September is right around the corner. It’s a month of change. How do we straddle the hope and fear it ushers in simultaneously? How do we upgrade our ability to lead ourselves and others through change?

People are walking by in the hallway, waiting for a meeting to begin, sitting around the table, or eating out at a restaurant. People are doing different things, but there is one common thing about them. They all are using their smartphones! Phones are everywhere.

?So is change!

• College Drop-offs
• Back-to-school
• An election year
• A new boss
• A RIF
• A new job
• An empty nest
• A new pace—summer is over
• New schedules and rhythms
• New technology

But, what can getting a new smartphone teach us about navigating change?

1.???? Resistance: “But, I didn’t want to get a new smartphone.” What change are you or your team resisting?

It’s said that humans don’t resist change itself. We resist what we stand to lose as a result of the change! We grieve what we are giving up. And research shows that the pain of losing something is twice as powerful as the pleasure of gaining something else.

The resistance we ourselves feel or our teams demonstrate may be something we aren’t overly conscious of. But we resist losing:

·?????? A sense of safety, comfort, familiarity…certainty. Maybe it’s the familiarity of the people you once worked with in the case of a new job or promotion, the comfort with a boss you knew, or procedure you knew inside out. The comfort of a house full of young people that head back to college.

·?????? A sense of freedom. We want a voice in how life unfolds and things go. A RIF or reorg or change in relationship status has us mourning a lack of freedom to choose.

·?????? Our Status. Where do I fit in this work or family system now? Do I need to sacrifice my title, power, influence, position in social hierarchy as a result of this change? ?

·?????? Belonging—we want to fit in. Even promotions dislodge us from our peers. Working remotely has us questioning where we belong relative to those in the office. Being single again has you question how to belong in a society made for couples. ?

·?????? Our identity—change can threaten our sense of who we are as a result of this change. We saw a powerful example of this recently when Celine Dion’s health forced unexpected and painful change upon her body, including her ability to sing. Who was she if she wasn’t a gifted singer? No doubt it’s a question she’s been wrestling down all while not giving up. It was powerful to watch her performance in the Paris Olympics Closing ceremony. Watch for her for inspiration to persist through unwelcome change.?? Celine Dion closes the Olympic Opening Ceremony with a courageous tour de force | NBC Sports - YouTube

2.???? The Learning Curve: “But I don’t know how to mute this new phone.” What are you or your team having to relearn as a result of change?

Change forces pauses. We don’t love the imposed pause that change brings upon us--ven when it’s something as simple as an update to our phones. We want to operate unconsciously. We don’t want to stop, think, choose, and then act.

Change takes us through the 4 Levels of Learning. We move from being unconsciously incompetent (I don’t know what I don’t know), to consciously incompetent (awareness that something has changed and I need to make a shift), to consciously competent (I have to take time to think about what I’m doing and learn), to unconsciously competent (doing without having to think after time and repetition)

?

3.???? Meet it with Empathy and Clear Communication “Why does this small change seem so big at times?” ?

We charge our cell phones daily, sometimes multiple times in a day, but how do we keep ourselves and others charged during times of change to meet the moment?

First, demonstrate empathy. Emotions, what we call the transition associated with the change, lag behind. They are messy but inevitable. It helps to engage in open, transparent and clear communication with your team, family, or friends involved.

4.???? Focus on what will remain the same. “Ah, much about using this new phone is actually the same.”

Second, as part of the clear communication that change requires, it’s easy to get overly focused on all that will change. Don’t forget to focus on what will remain the same! What will anchor you or others during the change. There was actually far more that was familiar and the same about my new phone than was different. Remind people of what WILL remain predictable and familiar.

On the other side of my new phone purchase, I love it! Things feel new, improved, better. I proudly declare I’ve been upgraded. But in life and leading we have to? believe in the journey as much as the outcome. Navigating change can require persistence and patience.

During change the thing we most need to recharge is our faith that some favorable outcomes may be on the other side of the change—eventually. And remember, all change is growth! ??

To learn more about change and resilience, check out these resources:?

·??????? Netflix Documentaries: I Am Celine Dion and Rising, Simone Biles Journey

·??????? My latest creation, The 5 FROGS Transformation Journal--a guided journal for processing change, challenges, and stresses: https://www.amazon.com/FROGS-Transformation-Journal-Brenda-Reynolds/dp/0999226878/ref=sr_1_1

·??????? Deeper Dive Article: Ten Reasons People Resist Change (hbr.org)

·??????? TED Talk: What leaders need to know about change | Taylor Harrell | TEDxSDSU (youtube.com)

WHY NOT?! Take Action

• Get curious about the real reason for any change resistance you and others are encountering. Identify the losses and address them. Allow time for grieving.
• Be sure to tend to the emotions behind the change as much as the facts of the change.
• Remember that feeling incompetent and off-balance come with the early stages of change.
• During times of change—communicate early, often and repeatedly.
• Communicate what will remain the same, as well as what will be different.
• Be patient with yourself and others.

LAST CALL!!! (pun intended): Do you know a woman leader ready to embark on a learning and growth journey? Perhaps it’s you or a member of your team you value. We still have a few seats remaining for our in-person COMING TOGETHer Women’s Leadership retreat being held in West Chester PA on Sept 7. I’m co-facilitating with my colleague, Jessica McCoppin Malachi, and we already have an amazing group of impressive women leaders wanting to up-level their leadership skills and build a stronger professional network and support system. Reach out with questions ([email protected]) or enroll here: A Day of Power & Pause-ability