How To Level up Your Social Game as an Introvert.

And no, you don’t have to force yourself to be an extrovert.

I’m a pure breed introvert.

I can’t stand being around people. Crowded supermarkets drain my energy as fast as bills empty my bank account. Sometimes I put on earphones so that I can insulate myself from others in public.

Yet, even someone like me can appreciate the merits of knowing more people.

More friends translate to more available opportunities and resources. Personally, all my job opportunities came from the people I know. We can solve most problems simply with a phone call.

It’s not about what you know, but more about who you know.

And the best part — it doesn’t require you to be the loudest person in the room. Here are my four Be’s to level up your social game.

#1 Be Funny

If people laugh when they meet you, it’s almost automatic for your likeability to go up.

Here’s the first rule of being funny — you have to be comfortable being awkward. Having a thick face helps.

Back then, I used to host a bunch of events that had up to 70 people in a room, and God, that was nerve-wracking! I’m an introvert, for Christ's sake!

In the end, I just went ahead, spewing out random dad jokes to break the ice. You could tell in their faces if they could get the joke. Sometimes, I get these blank faces staring at me, wondering what the heck I just said.

A simple “Okay, never mind” like a failed experiment was always enough for me to carry on with the conversation. The audience seems to be receptive to this awkward exit.

Even the top comedians don’t expect others to always get their joke. You’d be lucky if they even react to half of yours!

I know not everyone can pull this off, but humor comes with practice. I don’t have the “perfect personality” for humor, but here are a few ways I incorporate humor into my conversations:

• Self-deprecating jokes work well if you’re confident in yourself.
• I use dad jokes and puns a lot because apparently my inner Chinese can pull these off (not 100% of course).
• Sarcasm is effective on confident people (make sure you tease only their strength). Still, be careful since it has the tendency to offend someone if it’s not received well.

#2 Be Generous

The other day, my colleague sent me a text asking me to expect a call in ten minutes. She even repeated this on Teams to make sure I don’t miss the call. She didn’t mention who was calling and why they’re calling.

Amidst the confusion, something clicked. We were talking about coffee an hour ago and she skillfully slipped in a question asking what Starbuck drink I prefer. I innocently said “Java Chip, of course!”.

I couldn’t stop the sides of my mouth from twitching when I was waiting for the call. I’m pretty sure I looked like a psychopath if I saw myself in the mirror.

When my doorbell rang, I hopped to the door like a kid on a sugar rush, and voila — Java Chip Frappuccino with a brownie that tastes like heaven. I’m sure I blew my calories through the roof, but that made my day.

My point is, you don’t need to be rich to give. Even an insignificant gesture can mean the world to someone else. People don’t really care about the gift. It’s the thought and the effort that counts.

We might not be able to hand gifts to others now because of the pandemic, but with technology, I can always send a pint of ice cream for my friend's birthday or send flowers to someone I care about. All it takes is the thought and a few taps on your smartphone.

Oh yes, remember to fish for their address like you’re some undercover agent. That makes the entire process more fun too.

#3 Be Helpful

The next best thing to being generous is to be helpful. Instead of gifts, you can be of service to others to help them in their daily tasks or solve their problems.

But here’s the tricky part, most people are reluctant to ask for help. Even if they genuinely need it.

Asking for help might be seen as a sign of weakness in most people’s eyes. Nobody wants to be seen as weak, so they instinctively refuse help.

The key to this is to make it easy for them to accept your help. Here’s how I do it.

When I have a lighter workload in my job, I don’t ask others if I can help, I just use my balls and take charge. Instead of asking, I assume we are working on the project together and assign what I can do to myself.

This takes the pressure off the person who needs help because technically I was the one who made the call to take part in their work. They didn’t have to “approve” my request, making it easier for them to accept my help.

#4 Be Interested

To be interesting, be interested —

Dale Carnegie

Genuinely showing interest in people’s lives and thoughts can make them feel important. We’re living in a world where we have abundant freedom of speech. Yet, the world is too noisy for people to hear our voices.

Everyone has that innate desire to talk about themselves. If you’re that one person who’s willing to listen, you’re technically giving others a chance to feel important.

This will keep you humble as well. You have to always remind yourself that you don’t know everything so that you would value others’ opinions. Nobody likes a know-it-all anyway, so building up some humility helps.

Ask about how they’ve been.

What do they think about something?

Better still, ask for their advice on something they’re good at.

The most important of all — be genuinely interested in others.

Ask thoughtful and sincere questions. Asking superficial questions just for the sake of asking will end up making you look stupid in front of others.

If you’re struggling to come up with constructive questions, you might have to brush up on your question bank (check out Quora) and observation skills.

In Summary

Again, you don’t have to be the smartest or brightest person in the room to be sociable. Instead, use your keen observations and attention to detail as an introvert to your advantage.

Couple your strengths with even one of the four Be’s, and you will start seeing improvements in your interactions with others.