How to Let GO Unapologetically

What does Letting Go Mean?

    One of the most common questions I get as a therapist is What does it mean to let go? How can one let go? Why should one let go? Why can't I just hold on harder? Why is it difficult to let go? All of these questions involve a deeper reflection and insights.

           Letting go is essentially a process, journey, and way to be. It is about allowing what it is to be as it is. When we learn to radically accept life in all its phases with its sadness, joy, loss, laughter, and pain as we believe that every struggle, every failure, every experience will lead us one step further towards who we all are beneath the layers. We have been taught from a young age that losses are an inevitable part of our lives and Change is the only constant. Yet still, as humans when the time arrives to let go, to shed, to break patterns, to step outside the familiar, embrace the unknown and leave our past identities, personas, relationships, our conditioning, self-defeating thoughts, worries, stories, beliefs, constant mind chattering we all falter. It is wise to understand that people's places, things, circumstances, feelings, and moments are all temporary. When looking at things this way we embrace two things. We are more grateful for what is in the moment and learn to honor and let go of those things that no longer are. We suffer because it feels like everything in this moment is permanent. However deeply in our psyche, we all know that everything in life is temporary. Everything is ever-changing. And if we let go of what we wish were in exchange for what is, we will learn to be present in this moment. It is about being okay and accepting ourselves as we are with all our virtues, limitations, vulnerabilities, weaknesses, flaws and strengths.

Why is it Hard to Let Go?

It is a natural tendency of our mind to hold onto, gravitate towards the familiar, known, safety, security as we all have a vision and an image to which we are all strongly attached of how life should be in our heads and whenever we encounter some discomfort or roadblock or things not really working out as per our meticulous planning or structure we break down, we start blaming, we become intolerant, we experience emotional discomfort not knowing all along that life is truly unpredictable and we have to develop a flexible mindset to incorporate space for the unknown to take place that's where the real transformation and breakthrough happen. We have been taking up the role of being a "Victim" of our self-created bubble. As we grow up we put on layers of beliefs who we think we are and what we think we should be. Because we all have an innate fear of being vulnerable, making mistakes, feeling the discomfort, taking risks. There is nothing wrong with beliefs. For some time, they serve us well. Yet like everything, they also have their expiry date. For instance, just like any house needs a clean-up of stuff that isn’t useful anymore. Similarly, we need to clean up space inside from stuff that’s outdated and doesn’t serve a purpose. There is a strong need and drive in us that will guide us home and that home isn’t a place that can be found in the world as it is a space within us to discover when we let go of whom we think we are and allow ourselves to be who we really are. Each one of us holds onto reality by trying to exercise a greater degree of control not knowing that infinite possibilities and pathways open up once we allow ourselves to feel, to be, to acknowledge and release all those layers, facades, masks, unrealistic standards, outdated belief patterns, our inner critic, our identities and truly tap into our raw, imperfect, messy, vulnerable, magical being.

How to let go of the excessive need to control?

1)     Create safety

2)     Acknowledge and process one’s emotions

3)     Practice acceptance, vulnerability, and surrender

4)     Work on letting go of judgments, expectations, and attachments

5)     Expand your perspective and look at the bigger picture

6)     Practice faith and trust

7)     Return to the present

8)     Embrace Impermanency

As its said life is a canvas it is on us to fill it with vibrant colors. We choose each color very carefully and when we paint our life in that particular color. It becomes difficult for us to pick a different color which is the reason we feel stuck as our patterns of being in a certain way becomes repetitive, a sense of rigidity sets in which eventually becomes our anchor in life through which we see, feel, experience, behave, act in ways and manner that resonates strongly to who it is we believe we are. Remember we are not machines or robots. We cannot continue at the same rapid pace day in and out. We are fluid creatures ebbing and flowing with emotional, physical, and spiritual tides. I personally have been riding a huge wave of flow since lockdown. Creating, holding space, growing, retracting, learning, evolving, and contributing. Its been like a roller coaster of ups and downs. I realized I will have to embrace and let go of this wave and the pressure of doing, let go of the pull, and surrender to the now and pause. Next time someone pisses you off, something goes exactly the opposite way than we want it to Pause. Drop the need to do. Choose to be with what it as it is. Let go of judgment. Accept yourself with what it is right now. You deserve to have peace of mind and be free today. Once we let go of the need to become someone we learn to live in abundance, joy, satisfaction, peace, and fulfillment.

Let us all take a moment to flow with the current of life by:

1)Let go of where you think you should be by now

2)Let go of attachment to outcomes you cannot control

3) Let go Resentment, Bitterness, and Blame instead focus on kindness and Compassion

4) Let go of Changing others instead focus on Inner Transformation

5) Let go of Ideas and Expectations of how others should Behave

6) Let go of the Past and Future anticipations instead focus and Embrace the Here and Now

7) Let go of whatever is imprisoning your soul

8) Let go of Avoiding, Hiding, Running away from painful moments instead Embrace and Grow through it

9) Let go of Comparison instead focus on Individuality

10) Let go of fearing feelings instead allow it to wash through you

11) Let go of regrets instead remember blessings for already who we are

12) Let go of the need to reach somewhere instead cherish the journey 

Let us all give ourselves permission to fall apart, breakdown, grieve, mourn, cry, be frustrated and then pick yourself back up and rise like a Phoenix and dive back in life with a sense of Courage, Resilience Faith, and Self-belief.