How to Let Go of Trust Issues and Learn to Trust Again
Dr. Debi Silber WBENC Certified WBE
Predictably healing shattered trust/betrayal that’s impacting you and your organization's work/health/relationships. Award winning speaker, bestselling author, founder of The PBT Institute and National Forgiveness Day.
Most of us have been deceived, mistreated, or taken advantage of by another person at some point in our lives. Some people have an easy time recovering from these situations and have little difficulty trusting in the future.?Some of us, however, find it challenging to trust again.?Taken too far, it’s easy to become socially isolated.
While it can be hazardous to blindly trust everyone, not being able to trust anyone can be equally problematic. Humans are social creatures, and that requires interacting with others in order to be at our best.
Try these techniques?to be able to trust again?and move forward in your relationships:?
Find the source.?No one is born untrusting. Who trusts more than a baby does? Something has happened to cause distrust to become your?modus operandi?when dealing with others. It may be several situations from your past.
Examine and question the past.?Ask yourself:
Keep the past in the past.?Harping on old hurts is a sure way to prolong your suffering.?Did your ex cheat on you 5 years ago? That’s one person, a single instance, and 5 years ago. Learn whatever you can from the experience and take steps to move on.
If you believe someone burned you in the past, what are some ways to avoid a similar situation down the road? Completely withdrawing is an effective, but excessive, solution. It can eliminate some of your challenges with others, but it also eliminates much of the pleasure to be found in life, too.
Go slowly.?Some people trust way too much or way too little.?Often, the best solutions are found near the middle.Until someone has earned your trust, trust them to meet you at the movies and 7:00 PM, but avoid trusting them to hold $1,000 for you for a few days.
Question the present.?If you find yourself feeling untrusting, ask yourself if it’s justified.
Be more trustworthy.?In many cases, those that struggle to trust others aren’t very trustworthy themselves. A thief expects other people to steal. Cheaters expect others to cheat. It’s common to project our shortcomings on others. Strive to be trustworthy and many of your trust issues may disappear.
When you’re ready to reach out to others, make an effort to start with the most trustworthy people you know and branch out from there.
Trust issues can be painful and challenging,?but choosing not to trust anyone is also painful and challenging.?By examining your past objectively, you can start down a path that leads to meaningful and enjoyable relationships.
Taking small steps toward reconnecting with others can have a profound effect on your life…and that’s something you can trust ?? .
Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO,?The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute