How to let go of the need to control
Anne Wilson SFHEA
Award-winning Women’s Development Trainer | Licensed Springboard trainer | AGCAS Leadership Trainer | WHEN Facilitator | AGCAS President's Medal 2024 | Strengths Practitioner | Career Coach | Blogger | Speaker |
I confess I'm not good when I'm not in control. When I go out, I prefer to be the driver rather than the passenger. My MBTI type (J) illustrates my preference for planning ahead. I enjoy certainty and can be unsettled by plans that change at the last minute. I will therefore do whatever I can to avoid surprises. Call me a party pooper, but at least my party will be well-organised.
What does this mean for me in the context of work? There are times of year when my inbox fills up faster than I can respond. The thought of a holiday of more than a week, which is clearly something I need, makes me feel queasy...what will I come back to after a fortnight, never mind a week?! At these times of year, in order not to experience overwhelm, I look for ways I can regain some kind of control in my life. By investing energy in the things I can control, I find it easier to deal with both uncertainty and higher volumes of work.
The paradox of control
I am keenly aware that while it's natural to want to feel in control, that it's not possible to control everything. You are in fact happier if you're able to let go of the need to control. On website verywellmind,?Ariane Resnic explains that the need for control is rooted in fear. However, this leads to an increase in stress and anxiety. You end up invested in outcomes you can't control and blaming yourself when things don't turn out how you want.
Control what you can
I have attempted to distance myself from the things I can't control, by investing time in the things I can- but which aren't that important. I immerse myself in low-level tasks. In my case that's cleaning and decluttering. Discovering Marie Condo has been my salvation. I exemplify the saying 'tidy house, tidy mind.'
领英推荐
In no particular order, over the past few days I have:
None of these activities were directly connected to work -with the exception of my work space. However, the resulting calm and balance I have achieved in my physical surroundings has helped me to reframe the the overwhelm of work. I now feel more able to tolerate the those things over which I have less control. Through my domestic blitz I've been able to shift my perspective from 'I'm overwhelmed and not coping' to 'I'm doing the best I can. No one will die if I don't respond to all my e mails today.'
How do you deal with work overload? What hacks help you to regain a sense of control?
Read more of my posts and subscribe www.thecareercatalyst.co.uk
Action Learning & Coaching
2 年With my therapist hat on - I would like to offer an alternative strategy…think we need to seriously consider swapping one type of control for another - controlling our environments can be exhausting & lead to unhealthy behaviours … I like the comment above about accepting uncertainty & the lack of control we all have over so many things at work - sometimes better to let go of some worries & do other more mindful activities we enjoy… Let it Go !! As the song goes! Easier said than done sometimes I know…!! But maybe better for our health…??
Vice President, Siemens Energy
2 年Many thanks Anne Wilson for this. Let me give an additional dimension: for me, Trust is fundamental in giving control to others, Trust that things will be done as agreed. Trust however is predicated on Transparency. Or simply put: Trust needs Transparency. Transparency builds Trust. With Trust, you don’t need to control everything. And then maybe you can get a little more balance and calm into your life … ??
Head of Careers and Enterprise Service at Queen Mary University of London
2 年Hi Anne - recognise much of this. I am an obsessive planner - RAG rated spreadsheets at work for planning, use Remember The Milk for both work and home to do lists, again prioritised. Sadly, also a spreadsheet approach to organising our travel plans. But I think I do that so that I can cope with the unexpected, either imposed upon me or a work opportunity seized by me or a new idea for the service - and lapses in memory! The plans allow me to see how to shift things around to accommodate. Makes it easier to find silver linings quickly when changes imposed upon me. Travel wise, it means I can switch off pretty quickly. As I’m now recovering from a hip replacement those spreadsheets and lists came into their own! And I have time to catch up on a year’s worth of reading.
Higher Education Careers Professional, with a focus on guidance for students on non-vocational routes. Podcast host of "Careersphere" and "1865". Listens, talks, writes, edits.
2 年I definitely need a declutter, and I would very much like to wander around the house with a damp cloth and a bowl of hot soapy water - but there is so much else to do that I cannot make the time ??
Speaker, part-time Coach and Author of “Success without Compromise. Empowering the next generation of female leaders to achieve success on their terms” 5 years of coaching insight, worksheets and frameworks in one book
2 年Is it control or a need for certainty? Maybe they are the same thing. As a rehabilitated control freak, I've learnt to accept and embrace uncertainty, but I still like to plan ahead, have an empty inbox and be in the driving seat (literally and metaphorically) I could always tell when I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed because I cleaned the floor.....true, a bit of OCD in there too ??