How to let go of the labels

In a recent supervision session I prompted my supervisee to try the ‘Labels’ intervention. It’s based on an exercise from the Fusion workbook:?

TASK 36?

What labels have been hung on you by family, friends or society??

What assumptions do others make about you??

You can even get some post it notes and stick them on yourself. Remove the ones which are either unhelpful or should never have been there in the first place.?

Whenever I’ve used this intervention in the past it’s proved to be a powerful experience for my clients. I’ve even tried it with a class of 25 Level 5 counselling students!?

The role allotted to you in the family drama?

We enter this world looking for clues about who we are. As children we are continuously uploading information from our environment. Once uploaded it becomes part of our internal programme and how we see ourselves and the world.?

We acquire labels from family, from school and from our peer groups. We might acquire mental health labels too. If they are not helping us, they can become part of a self limiting belief system and it would be wise to reframe them or just let them go.?

We feel lighter and freer without them, like my supervisee's client, William.?

William?

It had been a tough year for William. There had been some falling-out with his friends. School attendance had also been affected by the Covid -19 pandemic.?

Spending so much time on his own seemed to make him more and more introspective. Finally, when William did return to school, he found he was unable to snap out of the low mood he had fallen into.?

He started having anxiety attacks and got a pass from some lessons. At first his friends were supportive and rallied round but lately he had noticed they were going off and having fun while he sat alone in the playground. He admitted to thoughts of self harm and hopelessness about the future. His parents were worried enough to make an appointment for him to see the school therapist and also to get him a referral to CAMHS.?

After many months of this, it felt like the depressive pattern was firmly established and became part of his daily routine. The intrusive thoughts about self harm were always with him; haunting him from the moment he woke up in the morning. When he thought about his future continuing the same, he was filled with despair.?

Looking at my notes, I could see my supervisee had made several interventions. The STOP System and breathing technique to help calm the anxiety; the Continuum of Wellbeing and life wheel work to identify unmet needs with positive mental rehearsal to embed goals for the future plus positive affirmations and self statements to challenge the negative internal dialogue.??

Things did start to improve but the low mood stubbornly continued. It was frustrating for us all. Finally, as the first CAMHS appointment drew closer, I suggested something new.?

‘I think he’s kind of got stuck with a mental health label’ I said. ‘I think we might need to give him a more helpful description?of?what is going on for him.’?

In my experience a clear explanation and a plan for resolution are often so much more helpful than a diagnosis and medication.?

‘It might be good to normalise the anxiety and depression as something more transient.’ I suggested. ‘William is probably familiar with the notion of growing pains. Perhaps he is less familiar with the idea of psychological growing pains. Transition often involves pain. Giving birth involves pain but it doesn’t go on forever. Perhaps for William, moving from the child?into his adult self has proved more painful than for his friends. Perhaps some of his friends are actually feeling more anxious than they are letting on.?

When you observe an egg, it looks immobile, as though nothing is happening. But inside the egg, a chick is growing until finally, the pressure inside the shell and the struggle to be free means the shell has to crack so?the chick can finally emerge into the world.?

You might ask William ‘What must the caterpillar do that it may one day fly?’’ I suggested. ‘Let’s give him a more hopeful interpretation of his emotional distress. Perhaps he’d like to be free of the mental health label now.’?

Next session, my supervisee returned with good news.?

‘We did the labels exercise’ she said. ‘We went outside and burned the labels in the car park. William filmed it on his phone. He said he felt different straight away and by the following week he was like a changed boy. Life was good again, he reported. School had been good. He was back doing his sport and hobbies and was out and about with his friends’?

Be careful what you say?

Turns out when we talk to ourselves, we are listening.?

If we tell ourselves we are mentally ill and we’re destined to be on meds for the rest of our lives, we feel bad.?

But if we tell ourselves we’re going through a period of psychological growth which will pass, we feel better.?

Thoughts can become our reality.?

So we need to choose them carefully.

Frances Masters MBACP accred GHGI

Author: PTSD Resolution: Reclaiming life from trauma

Founding Principal: Integrated Coaching Academy ?

Programme designer: NCFE accredited Fusion? Therapeutic Coaching Diploma, Distance Learner Skills Certificate, Mindfulness Based Mind Management Skills Certificate

Online training Breathe Stress Away

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