How to let go

We've all heard the advice: "Let it go." It's a simple phrase that's easier said than done. We know we're holding onto things that no longer serve us - habits and ways of thinking that don't reflect who we are today, fears about what others might think, and burdens that weigh us down. If only we could just let go, everything would be better, right?

But letting go isn't as simple as singing along with Elsa "Let it go" - however cathartic that may feel. It's not just about dropping a weight; it's about carefully untangling the knots that keep us trapped. For quiet leaders and sensitive professionals, this process can be particularly challenging. You've built your career on being reliable, on caring deeply about your work and the people around you. The idea of letting go might feel like abandoning your responsibilities, letting down your team or colleagues or changing who you are.

However, true growth and leadership requires us to release what's holding us back. Let's explore some approaches to letting go, tailored for those who lead with empathy and thoughtfulness.

Gaining Awareness: The First Step to Change

The journey begins with self-awareness. You might be functioning well on the surface - meeting deadlines, attending meetings, ticking off your to-do list. But are you truly thriving, or just surviving?

Take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you feeling fulfilled in your role? Do you find yourself constantly anxious or frustrated? Are there emotions bubbling under the surface that you've been ignoring?

For many of us, the pressure to appear composed and in control can mask underlying stress or dissatisfaction. Recognising that something needs to change is a crucial first step. It doesn't mean you've failed; it means you're ready to grow.

Masking an emotion isn’t letting go of it. If all the emotions come back in full strength at the slightest bump on the road, it may be a sign that you haven’t let go.

Acknowledging Your Strengths and Journey

As introspective individuals, we often focus on what's wrong or what needs improvement. But to truly let go, we need to balance this with an appreciation of our strengths and achievements.

Take time to reflect on your journey. What challenges have you overcome? What skills have you developed? How have your experiences shaped you into the leader you are today?

This isn't about inflating your ego, but about gaining a realistic and compassionate view of yourself. By acknowledging your strengths, you build the confidence needed to let go of what no longer serves you.

We tend to look elsewhere for inspiration, but our own journeys are full of seeds, hopes and clues. Allow yourself to see it from a different perspective.

Developing a Mental Health Hygiene Routine

Just as we brush our teeth daily to prevent cavities, we need regular practices to maintain our mental health. This is especially important for sensitive leaders who might absorb the stress and emotions of those around them.

Consider incorporating a daily mental health practice. This could be heart-focused breathing, meditation, mindfulness exercises, or a walk in nature. The key is consistency and intention. By building these habits when you're feeling good, you're better equipped to handle stress when it arises.

For example, try this simple heart-focused breathing exercise:

1. Focus your attention on the area around your heart.
2. Imagine your breath flowing in and out through your heart area.
3. Breathe a little slower and deeper than usual.
4. As you do this, try to cultivate a feeling of appreciation or care for someone or something in your life.

Practising this for just a few minutes each day can help you maintain emotional balance and resilience. So that the day you run into something tougher, your mind is equipped to deal with it and knows what to do.

Untangling the Knots

Often, what we need to let go of isn't a single, isolated issue. It's more like a tangle of necklaces - emotions, memories, and beliefs all intertwined. Some completely unrelated to the situation at hand. This is why "just letting go" can feel impossible. There is too much.

For quiet leaders, these tangles might include:

• The belief that you need to have all the answers
• Fear of losing face
• Guilt about setting boundaries

To untangle these knots, it can be helpful to work with a therapist or a coach such as myself. They can provide an outside perspective and help you separate the threads. Once you've identified the individual strands, you can address them one by one.

Acknowledging and Grieving

Letting go often involves loss - of a role, a belief, a way of being, sometimes a dream. As empathetic individuals, we might try to rush past the pain of this loss. However, it's important to acknowledge and grieve what we're leaving behind.

Give yourself permission to feel. This might mean taking a day to stay home, journal, or simply sit with your emotions (as well as a tub of ice-cream and a period drama). By fully acknowledging what you're letting go of, you create space for new growth.

Making the Decision to Move Forward

Once you've acknowledged the past, it's time to make a conscious decision to move forward. This doesn't mean the process is over, but it marks a shift in your mindset.

For quiet leaders, this might look like:

• Deciding to speak up in the next meeting, even if it feels uncomfortable
• Choosing to delegate a task you usually handle yourself
• Setting a boundary around work hours
• Pursuing a new skill or opportunity that you are curious about

Remember, this decision doesn't have to be grand or life-altering. Small steps forward are still progress.

The Ongoing Journey of Letting Go

Letting go is not a one-time event, but an ongoing practice. As you grow and evolve in your life and as a leader, you'll continually encounter new things to release. The good news is that with practice, the process becomes easier.

As you embark on this journey, be patient and compassionate with yourself. Your sensitivity and thoughtfulness are strengths, not weaknesses. By learning to let go of what no longer serves you, you create space for these strengths to shine even brighter.

Remember, the goal isn't to become a different person, but to become a truer version of yourself. By letting go of beliefs and behaviours that no longer serve you nor reflect who you are, you free yourself to lead with authenticity and impact.

So, the next time you find yourself holding onto something that's weighing you down, take a deep breath. Acknowledge where you are, appreciate how far you've come, and take one small step towards letting go. Your journey as a quiet, empathetic leader is unique and valuable. Open yourself up to new possibilities and deeper connections, both with yourself and those you lead.

As we've explored, letting go is a profound and ongoing journey. It's not about discarding parts of ourselves, but rather about creating space for growth, authenticity, and renewed purpose.

Remember, letting go is not a sign of weakness or failure. On the contrary, it's an act of courage and self-awareness that can lead to personal and professional growth. By releasing what no longer serves us - whether it's outdated beliefs, fears, or habits - we open ourselves to new possibilities and deeper connections.

The process may not always be easy - nor fast. There will be times when you might struggle or feel uncertain. But with each step, each small act of letting go, you're moving towards a more authentic version of yourself and a more impactful leadership style.

As you continue on this path, be patient and compassionate with yourself. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. And remember, you don't have to navigate this journey alone. Whether it's through self-reflection, support from loved ones, or professional guidance, there are resources available to help you along the way - I’m one of them.

Letting go is not just about release - it's about making room for something new. So, as you practice the techniques we've discussed, stay open to the positive changes and opportunities that may arise. Your unique qualities as a quiet leader - your empathy, thoughtfulness, and depth - are strengths that you can use more naturally and efficiently when unburdened by what no longer serves you.

Take the first step today. Identify one thing you're ready to let go of, and begin your journey towards a more authentic, empowered, and fulfilled version of yourself. Your future self - and those you lead - will thank you for it.

This article was originally published on Walayance .

Are you the reliable team player who always goes the extra mile, yet sometimes feels overlooked? I help dedicated, sensitive professionals like you find their voice and gain recognition without compromising their values. Reach out for a conversation ??