How To Be Less Wrong: The Surprisingly Simple Way To Get It Right
Have you ever been taught that if you want to understand someone, you need to put yourself in their shoes?
It's a helpful rule of thumb because it reminds us that the way we see the world is not the way other people do. But there is some danger in this approach.
Here's why.
We are not nearly as good at understanding others' perspectives as we think we are. Of course, sometimes we guess right, but often we guess wrong.
In one experiment, researchers chose people who should know each other well - romantic partners - and asked them to predict their partner's attitudes about specific topics.
One group was asked to guess what their partner thought using only their knowledge of their partner. Another group was allowed to verbally interview their partner using the survey questions before being asked to predict their responses.
Unsurprisingly, those who were allowed to interview their partner were far more accurate at identifying their partner's feelings than those who were required to guess. (1)
But here's what is surprising to me.
It seems obvious that asking someone how they feel helps us better understand them. Yet, how many of us choose to guess how other people feel instead of simply asking them?
How To Be Less Wrong
Don't guess the perspective of another person. Instead, ask them.
- Ask customers, What is the most valuable thing we do for you? Where could we be better?
- Ask your team to share the friction points of a current project and ask how you can help reduce them.
- Ask a family member to send you a link to something they would like for their birthday or Christmas.
"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back." - Plato
President & CEO | Elevate Healthcare Simulation Technologies
2 年I’ve worked for a few leaders that think they can accurately read minds. They were consistently proven foolish.
Mindset Coach | Facilitator | Human-Centered Business Pioneer | Author & Bohmian Dialogue Specialist | 30+ Years’ Experience Empowering Entrepreneurs & Executives to Achieve Purposeful Growth & Transformative Results
2 年Two ears. Two eyes. One mouth. ??
I help leaders transition without regrets ?? 4th Quarter Coach, experienced COO/CEO, strategist, keynote speaker, author, coffee connoisseur
2 年I recall a cycle I was on in my previous employment before I went solo. There was a key fellow employee who would get under my skin for whatever reason. He would say something or do something that would set off the voices in my head that he was somehow plotting a grand scheme to destroy my success. Invariably, every time I went to talk with him, I understood better what his context was and that the voices in my head were, again, wrong. Ask, don't guess. It will set you free.
Patient-Centered Outcomes Research
2 年Too little access to our brain's unconscious neural mechanisms driving the thoughts and behaviors limits our sixth sense's ability to correctly predict another individual's responses and preferences. Asking directly with genuine interest to learn and enable greater understanding is naturally a more effective strategy than relying on?assumptions of insufficient accuracy!
"Likes" receive comments-Never use AI in my comments-only accepting invitations to those w/ 500+ connections-You will need to Like my Posts-most importantly both of us must Benefit from this Connection
2 年was in Sales-always mentioned to customers "I am good at my job but...I am not a Mind Reader"-think many may be living in their "own world"-Assuming others(family, strangers, friends, co workers) understand them intimately-their inner thoughts and specific needs-those that get a lot of Life verbalize their Wants, verbalize their Needs, articulate what they want consistently-sometimes it may feel like we are "prying" information out of some people that we know-maybe they do not want to offend or state their clear intentions-but not sharing what your are truly feeling is the "offense"-hurting you and the recipient of those feeling and that emotion-sharing of oneself is good for everyone