How to Be Less Perfect, More Authentic and Real

The title of the article is very funny. Pretentious. What I really meant was how to stop striving for perfection and be yourself. I already wrote about why I changed my mind about perfectionism and no longer think that this is a good trait.

This time I will share my life hacks that helped me at struggle with perfectionism.

In fact, acknowledging the problem is already half of the solution to it. If I still thought perfectionism was good, then all the following advice I write about would be useless.

I must also say that this is my personal experience, and I do not consider this the ultimate truth. I will be glad if it can be useful for you or inspire you to something different, your own, more authentic.

1 - Setting a goal

I think the main problem with perfectionism is the inability to start, take the first step. For example, I've always wanted to be a writer. However, being a perfectionist, I couldn't just be a writer, I have to be a great writer. This goal is so huge, and it dispirits and does not allow to start. This is because it is not a goal, but a scary dream of a lifetime. Therefore, it needs to be modified and turned into a goal. The goal, as everyone knows, must be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely (or SMART). Ta-da!, and my overwhelming dream of becoming a bestselling author turned into a small and easy goal ― to write and publish on LinkedIn one article on any topic once per week.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

 This is my 27th article, by the way. They are not perfect at all. Chances are good that I will never become a great writer. But if I hadn't started, now I would have 0 articles instead of 27.

2 - Discipline and consistency

I already wrote once that I set goals for a period of 9 weeks. These goals relate to 3-4 areas in my life and they are all quite achievable during this period. I just completed 13th 9 week period (or sprint as they call it).

All this requires a certain discipline and consistency. Yes, there are not very successful sprints, but since it is only 9 weeks, it means that I have failed only one sprint, and not my whole life. And since the goals for such a period are not so big, it usually does not require extra efforts. I just need to do something a little bit towards my goals but every day.

For example, I always wanted to learn Spanish, but all those wishes were limited to some unrealistic plans. For example, I have been planning a trip to a language school in Spain for a long time. In the end, I visited Spain but just for fun without any improvement of my Spanish. Then I planned to study at the Cervantes Institute in Moscow. But something went wrong. However, with planning for 9 weeks, I did the following. I set myself the goal of practicing Spanish for 20 minutes every day. It could have been just watching YouTube videos in Spanish, but it had to be every day for at least 20 minutes. More is possible, less is not. A month after that, I was able to read my first book in Spanish. My Spanish is far from perfect, but I'm terribly proud that I can read, write and speak Spanish.

3 - Accepting myself with all strengths and weaknesses

It is very difficult to demonstrate your imperfections. In fact, even something what I consider perfect in myself, I can also hide from others. The reasons may vary. For example, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m bragging or I don't want others to be upset and think that something is wrong with them. But the truth is that hiding yourself from others is very energy consuming and exhausting.

Anna Quindlen, an American writer, said: "The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

Everything in this quote is beautiful. It's really very hard to accept yourself and be yourself. It is also difficult because there is no clear recipe for how to do it. Sometimes it's about listening to yourself, doing what you like, taking care of yourself. But sometimes care can be manifested in a different way and you need to do something that you don't like. For example, make an appointment with a doctor, do a presentation, openly deal with a conflict situation.

On the other hand, despite the fact that it is insanely hard, when "begin the work of becoming yourself", it is an incomparable amazing feeling. After doing that, you will no longer want to be someone else but only yourself. Even if you had a jinni, you would no longer want to be perfect, only yourself. That's it, you just need to start.

You have no idea how life changes after that. You become more confident, whole, and happy. It is interesting to watch how the surrounding folks feel the change too, and the relationship with them changes for the better.

It does not mean that life turns into a fairy tale, problems disappear and everything becomes perfect. Not at all. Everything is far from ideal. Life is still full of both good and bad events. However, your reaction to these events is changing. You do not control everything. You cannot control everything. You cannot be perfect. You can allow yourself to be yourself and live your own vibrant and interesting life. Unpolished, unvarnished, real life.