How to Learn, How To Live

After four years and a degree, lots of accolades and enrollment in a Masters Program in Leadership and Public Policy, and a future job at what has been ranked as the best business in the US to work for, what would you say to others who want to achieve their dreams? Would there be some swagger? Should there be? It that is what you are looking for, then you will be disappointed.

In Part 1 of her interview, Jenni shared how she grew up in a supportive family, pushed herself hard at one of the best secondary schools in the world, and how she now views herself back then. Here you will find that Jenni again demonstrates she has found ways of living that mean far more than grades or GPAs or jobs. Her commitment to helping others and nurturing a life giving spirit within should inspire others to search for a path to success that is not about a focus on the self. Jenni could teach many of us the value of compassion and the importance of a love of learning.

*********************************************************************************
When you arrived at your university you already knew you were a part of an elite group of students. Do you think knowing this prepared you for success? In other words, does being in an honors or merit program with other bright people promote success?

I think yes, but also no. Let me explain the ‘no’ part first. I saw other program members and thought that my accomplishments paled in comparison, and also thought that other scholarship recipients would not respect me as a member of this program. Also, many of my program members soon joined or were accepted into high-salience, competitive communities that I felt distant from, including competitive debate/mock trial societies and Greek life. I did not do a good job of relying on my program and members for support. I think I could have, but I didn’t, because I felt it was mostly up to me to make the most out of my situation.
However, in the end, being in a honors or merit program with other bright people promote success because you begin to see what your peers are capable of, and that encourages you to also go out there and do it. You are also given so much encouragement and resources, so it would take a fool to muck it up. For me, it took more than being part of an honors or merit program to help me consolidate my identity and have a stronger sense of self. This internal, reflective activity and bouncing around ideas with my closest friends was what helped me the most in college.

What did you find to be challenging when you first arrived? Were the classes what you expected? How about the activities and social life?

I found cultural integration to be very challenging my 1st year. I found my new diet to be challenging – it was surprisingly hard to eat healthy, even in the student cafeteria. In my high school, there was a nutritionist who gave us one menu each meal at regular times of the day that was freshly cooked, low in sodium and fat, and fairly delicious. I found living by a schedule in a large university with very little oversight or people who cared also challenging. The classes were hit or miss, but generally fulfilling, like my Chinese class or introductory ethics class. I found it strange that people in the classroom weren’t my friends – in my high school, everyone knew each other. I know that’s what I wanted to avoid, but the University seemed too big for me and I did not find a good supportive group of friends until much later. The activities and social life were confusing and unsettling. It was frustrating to not be able to go to a bar and have a casual drink with friends just because of my age – instead, I had to rely on large parties full of strangers and get wasted on hard liquor as a tiny lightweight or be part of an official social group that I had to be acceptable in the first place to get in. There were no clubs to speak of in this small town and poor public transportation so it was hard to get around. I began drinking more tea and took to enjoying the daytime in the Downtown Mall area! I discovered new ways of socializing, such as hosting dinner parties with friends. I also try hard to be there for international students, especially Korean international students, by occasionally treating them to lunch or dinner and listening to their life stories.

Can you describe an instance of a class or a teacher who changed the way you viewed the world?

I remember all my teachers since elementary school and think fondly of most of them. My ESL teacher in 1st grade taught me to read in English and was like a mother to me. At my university, Professor Levenson helped me read works of literature in ways that connected to the developing world in an introductory Global Development Studies course. I think this was the first time that I started caring about how everything is interconnected and how we are all interdependent – and started reading for signs of interdependence in a city’s architecture, the way nations and people form a narrative, all the social constructs. There was an amazing class I took in London and I remember reading Mrs. Dalloway while walking in the same gardens being described in the book – and just realizing that thanks to the book, I cut across time and could feel what Clarissa was feeling. I came back to my university and whenever I hear the bells ring the time, I think of us moving like ants and how Septimus suffered. The Conscious Social Change class in the religious studies/public policy department with visiting guest lecturer Gretchen Wallace was amazing – she combined daily meditation and mindfulness methods with learning about what deep social change can do, and what it means. This class has definitely entirely changed the way I view the world, but it is also the result of my trying to be more mindful ever since I encountered it in her class.
I also really enjoyed Professor Mahoney and Professor Schwartz’s Foundation and Contexts of Public Policy course in the Public Policy department where they connect underlying moral values with policy implications. They help students examine who/what institutions have power, how did it got to be that way, and what is being done about it now. One of the most impressive professors I’ve had the fortune to learn from is Professor Biemann, who not only has encyclopedic knowledge of history/art/philosophy/religion, but also provides insightful commentary in class that enhances every reading for every class. His class was that rare class where every minute of the class is put to good use, where everything that a professor says is informative and constructive to students’ learning.

Who have been your mentors?

Growing up, I never realized the value of having a mentor. Now I realize that we all need and appreciate guidance from people who know the ropes better than we do. I think of all teachers and professors who know me by name and still remember me as potential mentors. When I was debating way back when, a good coach who was encouraging and passionate about her students was my mentor. When I see myself as a struggling international student trying to make it in the U.S. and carve out opportunities for herself, you are my mentor. Some are kinder and more willing to spend their energy on their mentees and take on an active role. This is much appreciated, but I never demand attention from my mentors – that seems too inorganic and I am afraid of being seen as inauthentic. There have been moments though, when I really want to maintain a connection with a particularly impressive professor, yet I fail to because I feel he or she would not appreciate hearing from me.
This is why sometimes having an official mentorship program helps. For example, at my summer internship, my supervisor and my colleague were my assigned mentors. This was great because I felt free to ask them any questions and get their advice. They really cared about my work, my performance, and my happiness with my work and future career aspirations. Above all though, I believe in being a mentor to struggling peers, 1st years and 2nd years who are still trying to find their place, my younger sister, anyone interested in getting an MPP (Masters in Public Policy) or landing a consulting job offer (i.e. anyone interested in my fledgling career path).

You have had the opportunity to do a number of study abroad and internship opportunities that many would like to hear about. Can you talk about some and especially about your time in Kunming and Shanghai?

Everyone should study abroad. It is one of the most valuable experiences I have had during my time at university(except that it was spent somewhere else, of course). Kunming gave me perspective on what lives in other places might be like, what China is like (it’s not just Beijing and Shanghai). Just talking about Kunming really makes me want to go back. You realize how expensive your life is when you eat a 3-kuai meal (that’s a little less than 50 cents) at the student cafeteria, a full meal with fluffy rice and two simple side dishes. A very large bottle of water is less than 20 cents (but you have to check if it’s real and not just tap water – then you’re in for a ride…). You appreciate Yunnan University’s cultural sensitivity when you see that right next to the student cafeteria is the Muslim halal cafeteria – a bit more expensive (around 1 dollar per meal), but guaranteed to be clean and less oily. Oh yeah, that reminds me of the food poisoning that just happens on a regular basis. You learn not to care too much, and watch out for funky things, and your stomach eventually learns to toughen up. Also, around Yunnan University is this awesome pond called Cui Hu and I jogged there because the school gym was sometimes too stuffy with all the migrant laborers smoking and pumping iron at the same time (it was funny to watch and they were fascinated to see a small Asian girl weightlifting) – there are all these middle-aged ladies dancing salsa or a Zang Zu (Tibetan) dance. Next to the university was this crazy street called Wen Hua Xiang (Culture Street) and had all these corner stores and cafes. I went and had Yunnan coffee (Yunnan is known for its pu-er tea leaves and excellent coffee beans) and studied for class with my friends almost everyday. Another great thing about studying abroad is that life becomes more simplified and magnified. Instead of over-committing to a dozen different activities, you now have two major tasks: study Chinese, and take only Chinese courses. You do these activities with more zest, because you have the energy to do so, and you end up excelling in a topic area.

Jenni in Kunming in Spring

Kunming is called the Eternal City of Spring because it is spring all year round, and Yunnan has over 50 different ethnic minorities. The province itself borders Southeast Asia and is also close to Tibet so I got to go to Laos for spring break and take a weekend trip to Shangri-la. I highly recommend Middlebury’s study abroad program – great teachers, complete language immersion, and a learning opportunity of a lifetime. I also highly encourage everyone to apply for the study abroad scholarship (good news, non-U.S. citizens are eligible too) because that helped relieve my financial burden.

After my Spring 2013 semester in Kunming, I spent the summer in Shanghai interning for a U.K. company with subsidiaries in Asia. I wanted to apply my Chinese in a professional setting. My connection was an alum from my university who was now working at this company in Shanghai. Shanghai summer was a lot tamer than my Kunming semester, and also more expat life driven. It was my first time living on my own during a summer away from home and school friends, and I lived with random people I met on China’s version of Craigslist. They were really cool people all doing different things and I spent my weekends with my new friends. I also realized I would never live in Shanghai, the same way I know deep down inside I would never live in Seoul or New York – the city is too crowded and makes me feel claustrophobic. I also got sick of how important money is and how people work so hard for so little, and end up spending that little on cheap, poorly made products that may be unhealthy and do not really make your life better. I felt this one night when I was coming back from the Bund with a friend and saw the woman in front of me wearing ill-fitting clothing made from synthetic fiber, but the pattern was LV’s latest fashion week design.

You have done some significant things on behalf of North Korean refuges. You told me for example about a meal you shared with one a couple of summers ago that I think people would want to hear about. In addition you are currently trying to help an artist. Can you talk about this and about some of the other efforts you have been a part of to educate people about North Korea and her people? Are you optimistic things will change there in your lifetime?

I do not think I have done significant things on behalf of North Korean refugees, but I do think I have been active about my interests regarding these people and made an effort to make an impact and get to know individual North Koreans better. In the summer of 2012, I befriended a kind college student in Seoul who was working with many North Korean refugee college students. She invited me over to dinner and two North Korean college students came as well. We made potato soup and spaghetti and had tea and talked about our lives. This one North Korean girl told me about how she learned computer programming during her years in China (North Korean refugees often live in secrecy in China for some time before they are able to get a broker to come over to South Korea – it is often very dangerous because if caught, one can be repatriated to North Korea where horrible things like imprisonment or torture or death sentences can happen) and she talked about the hacker culture in Korea. I remember thinking how difficult it must be for them to be here, without parents or relatives, and live in this hypercompetitive country. They were all working hard to get by and trying hard to not let stereotypes bring them down.

Last semester, one North Korean friend of mine asked if I could help translate materials and contact New York art galleries for his client, a North Korean artist. He asked me to work with a group of students and young professionals (friends of his) in New York. I failed utterly in this task because it was hard to coordinate everyone’s busy schedules and it was pretty discouraging because I knew nothing about art galleries and didn’t really know where to start. I also wanted to get people to commit more time and make our meeting regular, but I was the youngest and also the only one not working full-time and it felt wrong to ask too much of my team members (who are actual working people in the “real world”). At some point, we all stopped trying to coordinate Google hangouts and it became clear that the project required much more effort than what we could afford to put in. My friend understood and relieved us of the task altogether. Initially, I felt I had failed him and beat myself up for it. Now, I think if I could do the project over again, I would do it differently, and it would work.

As for other activities, I was the president of a student organization at my university that promoted North Korean human rights through education and through collecting money to fund the safe resettlement of NK refugees. I realized that my passions do not lie in advocacy or fundraising. I like to be connected to a cause in a more tangible way, where I can see the immediate outcomes and change in people’s attitudes as a result of my efforts. For example, I helped host a dinner/seminar where a North Korean refugee and subsequently a university employee told students his narrative (I translated). I found this fulfilling because I got to hear an individual’s amazing story and help him be heard and feel appreciated by the community he served as a University employee. I still regularly email this man, and I feel we are friends now.

I am optimistic that things there will change during my lifetime because change is always happening and it is inevitable. What I want to do now is be ready for the moment when I can pitch in with my expertise and help. For now, I can’t imagine myself inciting change within North Korea in a revolutionary way – I really respect the autonomy of North Koreans and believe it is in their power to seize opportunities to make the most of them. I do think it is acceptable to lower the barriers to change by making information and other resources more accessible to North Koreans. For example, I interned at a non-profit that regularly sent USBs with information about the free market and the situation in South Korea to North Koreans. However, I do not condone groups that use North Korean refugees to make a case for themselves. Above all, I learned from interacting with various North Koreans that it is important to listen to the wisdom and needs of the target population, and include them in the decision-making and implementing process.

You are now a part of a graduate program for public policy. Can you describe what you are studying and then what you plan to do afterward?
I am getting an MPP at the Frank Batten School of Leadership and Public Policy. The Batten school is fairly new, and we just have had a new dean come in, so I feel everyone is very included (if they so choose to be) in deciding the development of the curriculum and the overall strategy of the program. This is one of the outside-classroom situations I get to study by being at the Batten school, and it is extremely rewarding to be part of the program-building process.
In Batten, I have studied various required courses that have given me a general background on policy issue analysis, designing policy options in a cost-effective manner, and more awareness of larger structural contexts that influence policies and inform societal problems. Batten has a great focus on psychology, and Professor Ben Converse does a great job of incorporating behavioral psychology principles into the classroom so that we can become better leaders. Yes, I just said that, “become better leaders”. Batten school is the school of not just public policy, but leadership. Dean Stam is making a concerted effort to provide students with the skill sets to become good leaders, because this is something that can indeed be learned, if done correctly. Batten MPPs also have to do a project with practical deliverables for a real-life client, including government agencies, NGOs, and social entrepreneurship groups.

Jenni translating for Mr. Kim, North Korean refugee

Afterward, I plan on using my education and other Batten resources to help the population I am interested in, be they the in my local community or members of the Korean diaspora (in particular, North Korean refugees). My education has enabled me to use specific approaches to better understand the needs of my target population, contextualize their needs to a more widespread social phenomenon, and develop targeted, cost-effective policy options. I am also more aware of the difficulty of implementing policies and some of the tools I can use to overcome these obstacles. For instance, I will be taking a negotiations class next semester because I will, inevitably, encounter opposition to my ideas.

You have been recognized by your university for contributing significantly during your 4 years. What are your proudest of? Are there things you regret? How have you changed?

Have I? If you mean recognition in that I got to live on the Lawn, then yes. It was indeed an honor, and I enjoyed my year on the Lawn, despite major detractions like not having immediate access to a kitchen or a bathroom. There aren’t many things I am very proud of, that I can take full accountability for. I’m proud of figuring out how to use the kitchen and I’m proud of helping my friends out during tough times. I am not necessarily proud of, but really glad that I made the decision to study abroad in China and to attend the Batten school instead of taking the Commerce school acceptance. I am really thankful I have had challenging conversations with my peers and for being willing to recognize my errors and change. There are many things I regret, such as not taking a computer science course or classes at the law school, or developing a closer relationship with some of my professors. I also regret not standing up to micro-aggressions in a more timely fashion as an Asian, a female, and an international student.
I have changed in so many ways. In light of the recent Rolling Stone article on campus sexual assault, I have changed by fully accepting my complicit responsibility for social injustice and attempting to fulfill this duty. I have changed mostly by becoming a more empathetic person, and recognizing that I need to temper my reactivity. The reactivity came from insecurity and the desire to be affirmed constantly. So, one of my major changes is that I have begun to take myself less seriously, in that I am trying hard to be less self-important so that I can take in all that’s in my surroundings. Again, easier said than done, but I have surrounded myself with friends who are helping me make these changes.
I have noticed that you often try to help others either in the world at large or with people who are close friends. Why do you think you are committed to helping others?

I think it is because that is the responsibility of all human beings, and because I believe we are all interdependent. Without this sort of empathy, I feel life would be very much meaningless and there would be so much more suffering in this world. I also have an inflated ego and mistakenly think that I can do a lot for people than they could ever hope for, so I give it a go and try to help when I can.

What are you going to be doing in the near future and do you have any longer range goals or dreams?

In the near future, I am going to be working at a management consulting company in Boston. Longer range goals or dreams include becoming a better listener, a better friend/sister/daughter/colleague to those in my community, and becoming less of a generalist and really delving into an area that I am passionate about so that I can make a much more substantial impact. For now, I think it lies in development work in post-conflict regions for victims of trauma.
Do you have advice for others about how to get the most out of their education?
Yes. To get the most out of your education, choose courses based on professor reviews and take small classes. Try to avoid large lecture-hall courses as much as you can. Do take classes with brilliant professors in the philosophy and religious studies department, and be sure to visit their office hours. Do all your readings and be prepared for class, this makes your class time extra well-spent if the professor is actually good, and not the type that just reiterates and summarizes the reading all over again during lecture time. Avoid those classes. Take courses outside of your major, and even those outside your department. Read a lot of good books and see good films, pay attention to what you are adding to your brain, and don’t be so foolish as to think by getting into a good college, you’ve made it and that you can stop trying. You need to always be trying very hard.
Trying hard can sometimes lead to burnout, so be sure to make a self-care checklist so you can persevere. For me, self-care could be watching a movie, dinner with a friend, and working out. Speaking of exercising, do not let bad health bring you down in college! Eat healthy, and make healthy lifestyle choices, as much as you can.

Dinner with a friend

*********************************************************************************
What is the best way to learn? These days a lot of people would say look at the data. But even deep data needs a frame. Another term for a frame? A story. Stories moves us emotionally far more than data, and even those who gather data wrap it up in a story to make a point.And even those who believe they interpret things with the cool judgement of rationality are wrong. The data is there to say we are all swayed by our emotions. I say all this as Jenni’s story contains much detail about what learning to learn means, but she does so in a narrative frame that persuades.

She has taken classes that have helped her learn, but she also had to search them out. She involved herself with many activities which she hoped would change, if not the world, then at least a small part of it. Some of them did not work out, but that was also a learning experience. We don’t only learn from success and some very accomplished people in a variety of fields argue that failure is a great teacher. It’s unfortunate that we are not teaching students to fail successfully. Risk takers know they face tough odds, and Jenni has taken risks that have, in most cases, worked out but even when things have not worked she has learned a how to approach issues with greater experience than most.

Aside from a self-knowledge, Jenni also understands there are some simple things that help anyone to be a what Thomas Jefferson called for all active participants in society to be—an educated citizen. By this he meant that anyone should care far more for civic virtue and the plight of others than how much money a job pays or what the name of a company is that one works for. Jenni demonstrates what a citizen scholar should be. She knows her own weaknesses and limitations but also has an idealist side that whispers into her ear that if she puts her heart and mind into something then things change. I have seen some of the changes she has brought about; she has helped others in large and small way and she herself has grown too.

Near the end of the just ended semester I attended a lecture by William Deresiewicz, the author of the viral article(and book) that calls students who attend Ivy leagues schools and schools like Jenni’s too “excellent sheep”. He also calls them “entitled little shits”. He has had a lot of people who agree with him in the media and in education too. I have written a lot about him and his words before so I won’t repeat my critiques. Instead, I will tell a story.

When I arrived at the lecture I saw that Jenni was there too. We had not planned to meet so it was a happy accident. As we were waiting for the lecture to start I joked to Jenni that according to Deresiewicz, she was the poster child for an “excellent sheep”: supportive parents who did all they could to ensure her academic success, accepted to one of the best secondary schools in the world, excelled in a whole range of extra curricular activities and leadership positions; at her university she continued to excel academically and in a huge range of activities and leadership positions and by the time of her 4th year she was one of the very few students who was given the opportunity to live in the most prestigious housing at her university Since then she has been offered a job at perhaps the best consulting company in the world. All these details are things that Deresiewicz describes when he defines an excellent sheep. He believes they are driven and accomplished but so busy networking and joining and leading that they never bother to think about big issues or about what an examined life is.

At the end of Deresiewicz’s talk, which consisted of his reading passages form his book, there was a call for questions. I raised my hand and was the first one called on; I pointed out that grouping large numbers of students he does not know into a lump and calling them entitled little shits does not really help to do much except to create a chasm between those who are put in the category and those who put them in. I then talked a bit about Jenni and highlighted some of the thing she has done and then I said that she also happened to be one of the introspective students I know and one who genuinely cares about larger issues. I asked him if he would call someone like her an excellent sheep. As you might imagine this did not go over well with him. Aside from dodging the question and using what rhetoricians call an ad hominem response he really had nothing to say that indicated that he might not be right to assume that students like Jenni don't exist and that there are far more like her than he might have imagined at any elite campus. It is possible to have a drive toward success and to care about other people too. Jenni and many of student I know personally are proof of that I have featured a number of them on this blog. It saddens me that so many in education resort to reducing individuals via stereotypes to simplistic stick figures instead of rounded characters.

What I hope Jenni’s words and the words of other students who have been kind enough to share words here will do is to encourage each of us to stop lumping students, as Asians, as females, as internationals, as excellent sheep etc. and to start talking with individual students and making decisions based on personal experience and on good data too. What Jenni has shared here could be used to inspire students, educators and anyone who wants to see beyond generalizations based on hearsay and cliches.

I would like to thank Jenni for taking the time to provide us with a story that is worth repeating to others and to ourselves. I have learned more from her here about how to get a great education than I have from reading many books by ‘experts’. Listening to the wisdom of students should be a part of any educational plan at universities, and high schools across the US and the world.

Empress Jenni and friend