How Leaders Talk

A subscriber recently asked me to discuss “leadership language, how leaders talk.” This is an excellent suggestion, as we can learn much about whether someone is truly a leader by listening to how they communicate.

WE not I

Leaders do not focus attention on themselves. They are keenly aware that others are watching them and listening to them, but they focus attention on the team, the organization, the goals or the results, rather than themselves. There are lots of people with position and title who always speak in the first person: “I did this;" “I think this;” “My idea.” A true leader will use every opportunity to include others in their communication: “We’ve achieved . . . “ “We aspire . . . “ “We believe.” Leaders do this because they know nothing worthwhile is ever accomplished by someone acting alone, and because a leader’s job is to unlock potential for higher performance in others.

GIVE CREDIT, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

We all know people who will hog the limelight and shift the blame. This is not the language of a leader. When something goes well, a leader will give credit where credit is due: to a team or group of people who accomplished something together. When something has gone wrong, a leader will shoulder the responsibility - knowing that accountability is the hallmark of leadership.

ASK QUESTIONS, SEEK ANSWERS

Some people assume a leader should demonstrate “I’m in charge” by talking as much as possible. Wrong. A leader doesn’t constantly talk to show off what they know or to prove they are the smartest person in the room. A leader spends much of their time learning. They do so by asking questions and listening to the answers.

BALANCED COMMUNICATIONS

A leader is always balanced in their communication. They don’t engage in constant exaggeration or hyperbole. Everything isn’t always great, but everything isn’t always a disaster either. Leaders talk about the progress that has been achieved but balance this with what is yet to be done. They praise others to encourage further performance, but they are also candid about where room for improvement lies and where mistakes have been made. They express focus, determination, and optimism while speaking realistically about obstacles and barriers to overcome. They celebrate success but are also candid about the difficulties that lie ahead. They are never afraid to “tell it like it is,” or acknowledge a setback. Nor are they reluctant to give praise where praise is due and to find encouraging words when motivation is needed.

SUBSTANCE not STYLE

Some people love to hear themselves talk. Some people speak eloquently but when it’s all over you’re not quite sure what you’ve heard. Leaders speak with purpose about subjects that matter to their teams or organization. Their words may not always be perfectly chosen, and their sentences may sometimes be interrupted by “ums” and “ahs.” They lead and impress, however, with the substance of what they say.

The language of a leader is all these things and is also connected and consistent over time. Leaders don’t forget or ignore what they said last time. If things have turned out differently than they predicted, they say so, say why, say what has been learned and point to the road ahead. They don’t just include others in their celebrations of success one time: they do it every time. The language of a leader reflects the characteristics and behavior of a leader. Leaders do not engage in empty, self-aggrandizing rhetoric. Their language is used to solve problems, achieve results and unlock potential in others.