How leaders can earn respect and be effective without being people-pleasers

Let’s start with a few case studies:

1.      You – the HR head - have to eliminate a popular yet dysfunctional Work from Home policy that offers total freedom to your staff in terms of work hours, but is leading to productivity challenges. The new policy will mean daily travel and sense of loss of freedom for your staff. You are aware that despite your best effort at explanation, there will be backlash and your name will be mud. Will you:

a.      Go ahead and draft the policy and put your “reputation” in jeopardy

b.      Maintain status quo, all along positioning to staff that you worked towards their benefit.

2.      The organization’s top sales performer – and your best personal friend- faces charges of inappropriate conduct in one of the office event. The individual mounting the charge is a junior staff member with limited visibility and power to take it any further beyond you - the head of sales. Will you

a.     Setup an inquiry and based on findings provide candid feedback to the top sales performer even at the risk of losing the top sales producer, industry connections (and your best friend).

b.      Have a light conversation, chide the organization for its policies – In short, avoid displeasing the top performer knowing there won’t be any immediate repercussions.

3.      Days before the launch of your important product, you – the project manager of an environmental startup – have found out that the environmental impact of your product is sub-optimal. Addressing this right away and delaying release will ruin your financials and your relations with your core staff members due to your inability to pay them in time. Will you –

a.      Delay release at all costs 

b.      Release the product and keep your staff contented: after all, the chances of detection are very low.

4.      The newly promoted team leader in your organization is struggling with a challenging assignment. The assignment is vital to the organization and you cannot risk failure or delayed delivery. You – the manager of the function – need to expedite. Will you

a.      Take the extra effort to coach the team leader even if it takes time and patience and provide support but let the team leader figure it out.

b.      Take up the task and complete it yourself. Quick, error-free and additionally bolsters your superman image.

So how did you do? In exercises like this, most managers intuitively choose all A’s – however, in real life, dilemma’s like these quickly leads to paralysis of analysis and often, the intuitive sense of self-survival nudges leaders to choose the short-term pain option – B: without appreciating the long term pain such options entail. Backlash and risk are emotions so strong that even the best chicken out.

Choosing between popular and the right decisions

At the outset, it is important to note that every right decision isn’t unpopular and every popular decision need not have sub-optimal outcomes. The going gets tough when the popularity and correctness are not on the same side – and leaders have to face such situations often. Even the best leaders get stumped often.

There are several reasons why leaders struggle with such dilemmas:

1.      Self Esteem: A weak self-esteem in leaders is the single biggest reason for leadership dilemma’s. Weak self-esteem accentuates the need for external validation and appreciation for all actions, leading to nepotism, people-pleasing behavioral patterns and focus on short-term outcomes. 

2.      Organization Inertia – Another killer is organization inertia – the worry that breaking things will kill an ostensibly smooth-running setup. Even with the best intents, leaders get cold feet worrying about the effort it would take to set things right if they made a major change.

3.      Stakeholder backlash – Let’s face it – while leadership is enjoyable, being in the spotlight all the time in stressful. With every action being judged (often critically), living in glasshouses takes its toll overtime. This leads to a gradual risk-intolerance and sub-conscious tendency of “going with the flow”.

4.      Negative publicity: Every leader has detractors – that is a fact of life as leaders make decisions. While this fact is widely accepted, most leaders want minimum possible detractors – and minimum negative publicity, especially from the more outspoken and influential stakeholders. This leads to decisions that depend less on the situation and more on which stakeholder in the main actor, leading to skewed decisions.

5.      Personal Values: Personal values manifest themselves as thoughts, character foibles - and eventually lopsided decisions.

How can leaders navigate the chasm between right and popular?

Here are a few steps that can help fix the challenge: 

1.      Understanding personal values: Every journey starts with a journey of self-discovery - “Know thyself”” is as relevant today as it was during Socrates’ time thousands of years ago. However, this journey need not be as taxing as Steve Jobs’ spiritual visit to India, instead, a simple evaluation like Barrett’s Individual Values Assessment that shows digression between a leader’s personal and expected corporate values will throw mirror into leadership attributes.

2.      Industry mentor: An excessive gap between personal and professional values is a clear sign of role/organization misfit. Working with a coach to align values or with an industry mentor on a long-term change program is an investment that organizations will benefit from.

3.      Develop a healthy self-esteem: Every leader rises to the highest level afforded by thoer self-esteem: a downfall is guaranteed of one rises above one’s self-esteem. Daily reading of self-help books and associating with respected industry leaders helps build a good self-esteem. Some signs of healthy self-esteem:

a.      No need for appreciation/acceptance of others necessary for personal actions. Actions rooted in integrity

b.      Self-confidence rooted in humility. No second-guess and over-analysis of every action OR total carelessness for others.

c.      Personality not characterized by over-sensitive, insecure and anxious natures.

How well do you relate to this points in this article? What has your experience been in handling issues and taking decisions? Please share your experience in the comments box below. 

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Raja Jamalamadaka is a technology veteran, an entrepreneur, mentor to startup founders, coach to senior industry executives and a board director. He also serves on several CEO search panels. His primary area of research is neurosciences - functioning of the brain and its links to leadership attributes like productivity, confidence, positivity, decision making and organization culture. If you liked this article, you might like some of his earlier articles here:

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