How To Lead Boldly After 40: Tackling Internal Ageism in Leadership

Do you ever feel a bit unseen as the years tick by?

"I seem to recognize your face, haunting, familiar, yet I can't seem to place it. Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name." - Pearl Jam

There's a powerful truth I stumbled upon, shared by a well-known figure, that, as she aged, she felt herself becoming more and more “invisible”. She spoke of moments this showed up in spaces when people would look through her, instead of at her, when she got passed over for roles she was qualified for, when her kids stopped wanting to hang out or called less, when she found herself feeling lonely in her success and regretted not having made more time to deepen relationships. This notion gently nudged my consciousness in my thirties, now, in my forties, it feels more like a resonant bell.

This past weekend, I shared an article that unexpectedly struck a chord with many—it spotlighted 13 remarkable women over 40 who found their most vibrant strides later in life, who began making more money, made big moves, and stopped being constrained by fears and hesitations about “being too old”. The response was a poignant reminder of an all-too-common feeling many expressed of fading into the background with age.

Internalized Ageism

"So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young." - John Mayer

In a world obsessed with the allure of youth—where every turn offers a new serum, a new procedure, promising to hold time at bay - it made me curious about how we, as individuals process these subtle and overt messages – and zeroed in on the theory of “internalized ageism”.

Internalized ageism is a form of ageism where we, as individuals, adopt negative stereotypes about aging and apply them to ourselves—which impacts our self-esteem, body image, and overall well-being.

And how can it not?

Ageism over 40 manifests across different spheres of life, including the workplace, media representation, healthcare, and social settings. The almost constant exposure to negative stereotypes about aging can lead us to undervalue our worth and abilities, contributing to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

Giving in to internalized ageist fears also significantly impacts an individual's ability to lead effectively – in detrimental ways, both personally and within the organization. Here are some key impacts:

• Reduced Confidence and Self-Efficacy: Erosion of your confidence in your abilities and decision-making skills, or doubting your relevance and competency because of age can make you less decisive and more hesitant to take bold actions or introduce innovative ideas, undermining your effectiveness. From a personal perspective, it will also inhibit you from pursuing your purpose because you may not think you have what it takes.
• Fear of Failure – if in mid-life, you want to make bold moves, change careers, pivot your company, start a new endeavor, scrap it all and start again, this can also stop you in your tracks.
• Decreased Engagement and Morale: Employees look to you for guidance, inspiration, and confidence. If you exhibit fear and uncertainty due to internalized ageism, it can negatively affect team morale and engagement. Leaders who are not fully confident in their value may struggle to motivate and empower their teams effectively.
• Reduced Resilience: The ability to navigate challenges and bounce back from setbacks is crucial for leadership - internalized ageism makes you less resilient if you perceive age as a barrier to overcoming difficulties. This can impact your ability to model resilience for your team and maintain a positive, forward-looking approach during times of uncertainty.

Embracing the Journey of Aging: Finding Visibility and Strength

"Well, I've been afraid of changin' 'cause I've built my life around you. But time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too." - Fleetwood Mac (Stevie Nicks)

Overcoming internalized ageism requires awareness, intentional mindset shifts, and actions to reaffirm the value of experience, wisdom, and the capacity for growth at any age. Here are five tips on how to overcome internal ageism:

1. Reflect on and Challenge Personal Biases: Begin with introspection to identify any age-related biases you might hold. Acknowledge how these biases could affect your decision-making and interactions with team members. Commit to challenging these stereotypes within yourself and adopt a mindset that values the strengths and contributions of individuals at all stages of their careers.
2. Redefine Success: Actively challenge and question stereotypes about aging. Whenever you catch yourself thinking you're "too old" to learn something new or to change careers, question that belief. Instead of measuring success by youthful benchmarks, redefine what success means to you at your current stage of life. Focus on fulfillment, relationships, personal growth, and other non-materialistic measures of success.
3. Celebrate Your Age and Experience: Recognize and celebrate the wisdom, skills, and experience you've gained over the years. Reflect on your accomplishments and how your journey has shaped you. Use your experience and knowledge to mentor younger individuals or volunteer for causes you care about. Contributing to your community can reinforce your sense of purpose and value, countering feelings of invisibility or irrelevance.
4. Model Resilience and Adaptability: As a leader, demonstrate resilience and adaptability in the face of change. Show that embracing new challenges and continuously evolving are not only possible but desirable traits at any age. Your example can motivate employees to adopt a similar attitude, reducing age-related self-doubt or fear of obsolescence.
5. Build a Supportive Community: Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, including those from different age groups. A diverse social network can provide varied perspectives, reduce feelings of isolation, and help combat stereotypes associated with aging. Look for role models who embody positive aging and have achieved things you admire, regardless of their age. These individuals can inspire you to pursue your goals and remind you that age is not a barrier to success.

By implementing these strategies, we can combat internalized ageism within ourselves, lead by example within our organizations and teams, and embrace aging as a natural, positive part of the human experience...filled with opportunities for growth and contribution.

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