HOW TO KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME TO LET GO

With this in mind, here are several signs that suggest you’re holding on to something that is negatively affecting your state of mind. If you experience any of them, it’s important to investigate the reason. Ask yourself “what am I holding on to that is causing me to feel this way?”

• You feel perpetually frustrated

This feeling usually stems from a sense of helplessness. You feel unable to change the circumstances that trouble you. It can give rise to a host of other upsetting feelings, such as guilt, anxiety, and sadness.

• You spend significant time agonizing about a particular incident

It’s one thing to think about the past, recalling significant memories (recent or long passed). It’s another thing entirely to dwell on a single memory that causes us emotional pain and unhappiness. Examples can include losing your job, getting divorced, or making a regrettable decision.

• You find yourself wallowing in self-pity

Self-pity can stem from a variety of internal and external factors. Examples include a relationship that has deteriorated, unfair treatment from our boss, an incident that causes us to feel victimized, or a goal that constantly seems out of our reach. As with feelings of frustration, self-pity arises when we believe we’re unable to control or influence a particular situation. We feel sorry for ourself because we feel we lack agency.

• You continue to rationalize a decision or action despite evidence showing it was unwise

One of the ways we hold on to things that cause negative emotions to fester is to justify our decisions and actions, even when they prove to be reckless or imprudent. For example, we might defend our decision to stay with a spouse who cheated on us despite the “salvaged” relationship making us feel miserable. We may rationalize assaulting someone who insulted us despite the fact that we now feel ashamed and embarrassed.

The effort to justify our decisions and actions springs from our ego. And that’s a clear sign that we should evaluate our emotions surrounding the situation in question.

• You feel emotionally drained

This feeling is a difficult one to recognize and assess. Emotional exhaustion occurs slowly. And because of its gradual escalation, it often goes unnoticed and therefore unmanaged. It’s akin to the proverbial frog that is placed in a pot of tepid water. If the temperature of the water is slowly increased to the boiling point, the frog will fail to perceive the danger. It will remain in the pot until it expires.??Emotional exhaustion is often misattributed to the daily stressors of our personal or work life — for example, our commute to the office or caring for a child who is throwing a tantrum. In reality, it often stems from stress, anxiety, and regret over a past circumstance that we’re holding on to.

• You can’t remember the last time you felt happy

Chronic unhappiness doesn’t stem from life’s daily stressors. And while unhappiness can arise from being glued to social media, constantly acquiring material goods, and lack of socialization, these too rarely lead to chronic unhappiness.

If you cannot recall the last time you were happy, you may be clinging to a painful memory, deeply-felt loss, or regrettable and consequential decision made with false expectations. Your attention might be consumed by it to the point that it has obfuscated the small joys normally experienced during the course of a given day. This feeling, if allowed to continue unaddressed, can open the door to depression and lead to emotional and social isolation.

• What To Do When You Notice The Signs

It’s important to examine why you’re experiencing the negative emotions and feelings described above. The more quickly you do so, the better. If you allow them to remain unexamined, they’ll continue to expand, preventing you from enjoying the emotional freedom that comes with letting things go.

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Extracted from the book “the art of letting go “