How to keep your sanity in a hyper-toxic work environment - a real (painful) case

A friend of mine, Board member in a global corporation, reached out with a question loaded with immense pain: "How do I keep my sanity here?".

"Here" = that hyper-toxic workplace where she feels stuck to for the moment...and I mean that type of toxicity that only a deranged CEO can instill in a workplace...the compound effect of thousands of employees does not even matter by comparison...

I know we all think "Run!" but this is not up for discussion at this point in time...let's explore options for maintaining one's ability to judge and understand what is happening around, not to mention the ability to make decision (kind of the job itself for a Board member), when faced with illogical conversations, continuous blaming and random decisions from the CEO - picture that person as your direct manager. And talking with the person to explain impact etc etc is also out of the picture, so let's cut to the chase and see if there is indeed a way to survive this, shall we?

Fundamentally, it's fear and anxiety taking over, which leads to poor decision-making and sometimes behavior changes (your are the kindest, most polite person in the world, yet you find yourself snapping at your own direct reports, whose only answers are eyes wide open), which eventually lead to the awakening of your worst enemy - the Inner Critic! This old "friend" will torment you way beyond anything the said any external party can possibly do. What you want is your Inner Supporter to quiet this one and tone down things you're hearing from third parties. You want your internal dialogues to be in the realm of positive affirmations directed at overcoming things. Here is a healthy dose of such constructive ways of thinking - Virginia Satir's Self Esteem Affirmations:

If these feel like normal affirmations for normal days, you're right - what you're going through is not normal, so feel free to add any rules you believe would allow you to survive the reality you're stuck in. Give yourself the right to lie, for instance (truth is over-rated and lies are the glue that keeps human society together anyway!). To promise and not deliver. To not answer sanity questions of your direct reports - allowing them to fight their battle as adults anyway. Sounds harsh? So is the reality we're talking about...

Which takes us to the other typical reaction - self-victimizing. No matter how strong you normally are, when you're being "worked" on a daily basis by a person who knows your buttons, fixated on your weak points and hunting your errors (and the errors of the thousands of people who report to you!), at some point you might feel inclined to see yourself as a victim. It really does not matter that others are getting the same treatment - the point is that you remain in the relationship. So the only way out is to remain in the relationship without remaining a victim - switching to the Creator mode: decide for yourself what you want to do, how you want to do things etc. A wise man once told me "if they call the game, you make your own rules; if they make the rules, you call the game you want to play". Empower yourself to navigate the rules - game equation in the way you see fit. Not the CEO's way. Not even the "normal" way. But the way that allows you to sleep well at night in order to fight another day...until it's time to step out of this mess...

Last but not least, make sure you take care of some 5 hygiene fundamentals:

• use plenty of time-outs; simply put, take an insane number of breaks, to breathe, to recharge, to think about the bigger picture you're holding on for; yeah, I know, that literally means decrease your productivity to a bearable level, considering...
• only take responsibility for what is under your direct control, under the circumstances (I mean that micro-managing CEO is controlling things for you right? Well, play along!)...it's a bit like having a broken bone and not being able to be the normal you (guess what: you are not!)
• never make decisions while in an emotional state of mind! This is important in general, but when you're subject to chronic negative states of mind, adding self-inflicted harm simply does not make sense. Oh, so you should make decisions? Well, just don't...remember, you're not your normal "you" under normal functioning conditions, yes?
• set up a clear "get out of here" target: it might be a date, or a condition met, but make it crystal clear what you're waiting for; you are on the clock anyway, so make sure you own the clock!
• start all conversations with a clear goal in mind - the ones with your boss, your direct reports, your clients, whoever you need to talk with; and make sure the goal is strictly linked to your "get out of here" target or other relevant goals. If there is anything good you can still do for the business, for a team member or for a client, knock yourself out. But do take care of yourself, because nobody else will.

I hope you are ready this and you do not relate...but if you do, and you want to share (even in private) how you've been able to step out of such a situation, do share, as you might be doing a lot of good to some troubled soul.