How to keep up work relationships when you haven't seen them IRL* for months or even years

My team work remotely. We had office space from late 2020 to early 2022 but only one person was using it, so we cancelled it.

I figured we could use the $20k rent money to get together monthly, have a nice lunch, work on the business together, that sort of thing. It lasted exactly 2 months.

Come month 3, no-one was very fussed about getting together in person. So, we’ve decided to meet in person quarterly instead.

Which got me thinking, how do you sort things out when petty grievances turn into something bigger? Especially if you aren’t having any incidental contact in the lunchroom to remind you that they are human too.

It’s certainly very easy to take it personally when someone dashes off a snarky email and you’re on the receiving end. Or when you’ve asked for something 15 times and it STILL hasn’t been done.

I think one of the key reasons can be summed up by this quote from Stephen M. R. Covey “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour.” We know WE are acting with good intentions, but when someone else does something we don’t like, we only see their behaviour, not their intentions”.

Which leads me to my one of my favourite “fix its” – simply having a coffee (in real life if possible but even over Teams is still good) with the person in question.

If they are more junior than you, then frankly it’s your job to demonstrate what good workplace behaviour looks like and connect with that person on a human-to-human level.

If they are at about the same level as you, then you should definitely be looking to build allies not enemies. Because let’s be clear about one thing, if they are annoying you, then it’s probably mutual!!

And if they are more senior than you, then it’s a great opportunity to learn more about what makes them tick, what’s important to them in a work setting, and how you can support them to be more successful. Just asking someone how you can help them is a great conversation opener, who knows where it might lead.

And during your coffee, if you can feel yourself getting annoyed, try this phrase: “tell me more about that”. Quite often, the first words that come out of someone’s mouth aren’t actually what they are trying to say. By saying ‘tell me more?’ you are giving them the opportunity to expand/clarify and you’ll both be better for it.

So, after reading this, I expect to see coffee sales across Sydney and Melbourne shoot up! Kidding. But I really do think it’s worth taking the time to keep your work relationships in good shape. We spend WAY too long at work for it to be a horrible experience.

*In Real Life. Not on a screen. Weird huh?!