How “Just a Quick Chat” Can Knock Hours Out of My Day

We know that we are all different.

But I am not sure that any of us realise how different we can be about even the most basic things.

The world of work today is obsessed with collaboration – it is the main argument given for the drive to get people back into the office.

This is rather bizarre since it is now easy to collaborate even if you are on opposite sides of the world, but that’s another story!

So, requests from colleagues for a quick chat are commonplace.

Now, I know that this does not seem like a big deal.

But it can have a significant impact on some of us.

Personally, I find face-to-face or oral communication to be a constant challenge.

I find it hard to take in information that way, and I am conscious that being autistic means that my natural behaviour when talking to others is not what is expected.

That said, I am not saying nobody should ever try to talk to me!

I am always happy to help my colleagues, and as a manager, I try to be as approachable as possible.

However, a few short meetings throughout the day can effectively block most of my productive time.

Here’s why.

Pre-Meeting Anxiety

I have had a lot of bad experiences with meetings.

I have been told that I look bored (I usually am), fidget, and do not participate.

I have been advised to say something to show I am engaged, even though many of us find that annoying.

So even the most casual of meetings starts my worry meter.

Then there is timekeeping.

I am pathological about being on time.

It is just part of who I am.

Coupled with this is the knowledge that once I start a train of thought of any depth, interrupting it means starting again from the beginning.

The net impact is that I struggle to get anything done for at least 30 minutes before a scheduled meeting and possibly more.

I am anxious about what will come and what might be expected of me, and there is not enough time to do anything meaningful only to be interrupted mid-flow.

I usually try to find minor admin tasks to fill the time, but I'm just waiting for the meeting to start.

During the Meeting – The Great Energy Drain

One day last week, I woke up feeling much better than usual.

I had energy, and I was able to start getting things done.

But then the meetings started.

As I sat through 4 consecutive teams calls, I felt my energy draining rapidly.

I could almost see my battery meter moving down.

I was not completely exhausted by the end, but I was well on the way.

After the Meeting – Time to Start Again

Just as I find it hard to focus on anything in the period immediately before a meeting, I struggle to get going again afterwards.

Firstly, I can usually find several things to worry about from the meeting I have just had.

Was I behaving even more eccentrically than normal?

Was one of my off-hand flippant remarks taken as a deeply offensive statement by someone on the call?

Was I expected to take any action after the meeting, and if so, what was it?

Does my team need additional support or guidance following the meeting?

But I am mostly exhausted, at least for a while, even after just a short, informal chat.

It is hard to go straight back into detailed, considerative work.

Then, just as I am recovered enough to start something, more than likely, the next meeting is on the horizon, and the cycle starts again.

I know that meetings are important and that many people find in-person conversation essential.

I also understand that I am different from most people, hence the label “neurodivergent”.

Some of these challenges are simply part of my job; I need to get on and do the work.

But I do not think that others always realise the impact of meetings on some of us.

The best way that I can put it is to think of a garden pond.

It is a still day, and the surface of the water is completely flat, uninterrupted by wind or wildlife.

Then you throw just 2 or 3 small pebbles into different places in the pond.

The ripples spread, overlap and interact, until very little, if any, of the surface is undisturbed.

It is some time before the pond becomes completely flat again.

Those 3 small stones disrupted a much greater area than the point at which they entered the water.

This is my experience every time I join a meeting.

It creates ripples through my day, and very often these ripples clash with those from other stones.

I am not asking for meetings to stop (thought I think there are far too many!)

Nor am I complaining about anyone that wants to talk to me.

Please just be aware that a small thing for you can be a bug disruption for somebody else.

We are all different, which is a very good thing, but we need to take that into account and stop assuming so much.

What is a big deal for you that others take for granted?

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