How to judge yourself

The vast majority of us spend the vast majority of our time judging ourselves. So we might as learn how to do it properly, right?

As someone who has spent the last eight years in the trenches working and talking with people about how to raise their profile and put themselves out there more, as well as growing up in France as a dyslexic kid, I have a ring side seat in understanding how to put yourself down.

So grab a pen and paper my fellow not-good-enougher, things are about to get juicy.

These are the seven steps to making sure you play small, stay safe, never get stuff done and go to your grave with your song unsung. Enjoy.

#1 Remember why you suck

Sure, on the outside people might think that you’ve got your sh*t together. I mean you’ve got a good career, you‘ve got a place of your own, and you’ve managed to launch and grow your own business.

Hell, for the most part, people probably consider you as somone who is ‘successful’. I know, right, LOLs.

The good news is, you’re not fooled. I mean, how could you be? You know the truth.

If only they all knew everything that was wrong about you, then they wouldn’t be saying all those nice things about you, would they?

From the way you look, to the way you sound, from the way you think, to the way you talk, there’ always something you know you could do better.

In fact, there are so many things you don’t like about yourself that you would run out of ink if you had to put it all down on paper.

If you want to feel terrible about yourself, make sure to list all the things that you would like to change about yourself, and constantly remind yourself of all the things you’re not good at.

That should give you a good solid foundation to judge yourself properly.

#2 Compare yourself to others

When in doubt look around you and find peers, friends, colleagues, family members, ‘influencers’ or ‘celebrities’ who CLEARLY look like they have their act together.

Maybe they’ve got more money than you, a bigger house, a better looking partner, better clients, better deals, better kids, better projects, you name it.

The important thing here is to stalk their social media feed (this works particularly well at night, when you’re left alone with your own thoughts) and pay particular attention at their perfectly curated photos, videos and posts of their perfect existence.

Notice how great they look? Notice their perfect abs / teeth / hair? What about that perfect Mojito? Or perfect beach?

Are you paying attention to their perfect business? Their perfect partner?

Notice how scrolling through their feed makes you feel like crap? Good. You’re on the right track.

The goal here is to follow even MORE people who look successful and make you feel inadequate because of the showreel moments of their life they portrait to the world.

You got it, pegging your sense of self-worth to what you do and how you look like is key here to feeling like you’re not good enough.

Because the last thing you need is to see people arguing, getting fired by clients or doing their dishes online. That would be a reminder that actually, we’re all the same. And feeling like we’re the only one struggling is key to self-judgment.

So keep going, you’re doing terrible, and that’s a good thing.

#3 Ignore the positive stuff people say about you

Now pay attention, as this one is the tricky one. Our well intended friends, colleagues and peers (bless them) are going to want to remind you at some point of all the amazing things you do, how positive you make them feel and just how great you really are.

How dare they?

How dare they sabotage your quest to self-judgment and pretend to know who you really are.

I mean again, they’re not you, are they? So how could they possibly know who you really are and what you’re really great at?

That’s right, next time someone tries to tell you the positive impact you have on them, plug in your noise-canceling earphones, pump the volume up, nod, and ignore every single word they say.

The point here is to never let any of their well intended words hit you where it counts: i.e. your heart.

Because your heart my impostor-syndrom-riddled friend is your Achilles heel when it comes down to hating yourself properly.

#4 Relive your most embarrassing memories, over and over again

Let’s face it, life can be tough and I’m pretty sure you’ve lived through some pretty awful and embarrassing moments in your life, right?

Maybe it was a teacher who yelled at you in front of the class because you couldn’t spell to save your life.

Maybe your pants fell down when you got over excited in gym class.

Maybe you asked someone out on a date once and they said no and laughed at your face.

Whatever helps you remember an awful and embarrassing memory, hold on to it like your life depended on it.

Because if you want to win at this game of self-judgement then you need to hold on to the belief that ‘your past equals your future’.

Heck, write it on a post-it and put it on your mirror to see it every day. You know, just in case you had the audacity to forget how you felt that day when Peggy told everyone you shat your pants on the school bus. You’re welcome.

#5 Never finish anything. Ever.

This might sound like a really obvious one, but stick with me as the plot thickens. The key to judging yourself properly is to give your inner critic or your gremlin or saboteur (i.e. your unwanted housemate in your head that keeps on telling you just how much you suck) massive ammunition to break you down at any given point in time.

And that starts with having a meaningful goal you never actually reach.

For example, that book idea of yours that’s been sitting on your your computer collecting digital dust? Bin it.

That podcast you’ve been thinking of launching so you could share your message with the world? Waste of time.

That blog post you started writing to connect with your audience? Don’t even bother.

Oh, and that TEDx talk you want to give one day to change people’s lives? Dream on.

You see by starting and not finishing any of your goals you are reminding yourself just how incompetent you really are.

And that my brothers and sisters is gold dust for competitive self-loathing.

So don’t you dare start ticking things off your to-do-meaningful list.

#6 Don’t face your fears. Run away.

Whoever said that facing your fears and doing them anyway was a great idea clearly loved themselves too much. Gross.

I mean, who in their right mind would want to come face to face with what really hides behind our deepest and darkest fears? Or what is available to us when we push through our limiting beliefs?

Do you seriously think I want to know the reason why I keep pushing back writing my new book and getting it published?*

*(Spoiler alert, it’s actually quite simple. I don’t think I’m good enough, I’m a reluctant perfectionist, I’m terrified of looking bad and I care way too much about what people think of me. Which makes a winning cocktail formula for becoming the King of Self-Judgment.)

So next time someone invites you to a “fear challenge” or tries to convince you to do something scary every day, even if it’s small, run the other way. You’ll thank me later.

#7 Forget about who you’re called to serve, it’s all about you.

Now chances are, if you’re reading this, at some point in your life you’ve wanted to have an impact on the world with your message. The good news is, as you don’t believe anyone cares about what you have to say, you don’t really know what your message is and you don’t believe your story matters or can help anyone, you’ve kept quiet.

Lurking in the digital shadows of social media like a shy ninja who never actually wants to strike.

If that’s you, good!

But if you want to keep it that way, I mean, if you want to keep playing small and not showing up in a powerful way (God forbid), then you need to make it all about you and forget about anyone else who you know you could help.

I mean this is REALLY important.

Put the spotlight on you, not on the thing you’re trying to solve in the world.

By putting your focus and attention on yourself, and not the people you know in your heart you could help and serve, you will remain stuck forever on your self-judgment round about routine, and that’s exactly where you want to be. Right?

Of course these are just a few ways for you to self-judge yourself properly, and we both know there are countless more ways to go about it. So stop being selfish and share your favourite self-judgment tips in the comments below.

Together we can all help each other play small and forever stay the best kept secret…

Sounds familiar?

If you found yourself cringing or laughing at any point during this article, know that you are not alone. Over the years of working with clients, interviewing guests on my podcasts and putting myself out there, I’ve learned that the one thing getting in the way of us showing up more powerfully in our communities isn’t something someone told us, it’s the story we tell ourselves.

Impostor syndrome is the kryptonite to having an impact on the world.

My wish is that you take this “How To Judge Yourself” guide and remind yourself of all the things you (and I, and everyone else) do on a daily basis but somehow are too ashamed, scared or feel guilty to open up about.

We need you, your story and your message, so please stop hiding in the corner and step forward.

If you need help in taking the leap, you know where to find me ??