How Introverted Women Can Overcome Self-Doubt and Skyrocket their Self-Confidence

I see many women who are not maximising their potential and the reason being is because they get in the way of themselves. They doubt themselves and their ability, and talk themselves out of doing what it is they want to do.

For many women this leads to unfulfilling careers and lives. They have a desire to achieve something, but self-doubt prevents them from pursuing it.

When carrying out research for my book Quietly Visible Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman, 73% of women who were senior leaders and identified as being introverted said that self-doubt was an issue for them.

Despite already achieving great things in their career, there was more they could do to maximise their potential. But self-doubt keeps them from getting to where they want to go or what they want to achieve. Or they go ahead and do it, but because of how they are feeling as a result of self-doubt, don't perform to the best of their ability.

Early childhood experiences can shape the way you see yourself

For many of these introverted women, self-doubt has arisen because of early childhood experiences that have led them to believe that they are not good enough. Often this can be because someone is different to the dominant group. This is something I can relate to. In my early years I experienced self-doubt, something that arose as a result of being the only black girl in my class and being introverted.

As I grew older, it's something that I have had to work on. Because I didn't fit the media ideal of what was beautiful, i.e. I was black with Afro hair, I didn't see myself as beautiful. I remember as a young child overhearing a conversation between my mum and a visitor to the house who, looking at a photo of me on the wall, commented on how beautiful and photogenic I was.

I remember thinking to myself that they could not be talking about me. That was because I was looking at myself and comparing myself to my peers and the images of what was considered beautiful in the media.

Learning to accept myself as I was, was the first step for me to get over the self-doubt I had back then. It's a bit like the children's story The Ugly Duckling. For those of you not old enough to remember it, in a nutshell, there is a duckling that is different to the rest of its siblings and because of this, thinks it is ugly. It is only on coming across a group of swans it realises it is actually a swan and not in fact a duck. Once it has found its ‘people’, it realises that it IS good enough.

Don’t compare yourself to others and put yourself down in the process

We often compare ourselves to others and put ourselves down in the process. This could be comparing yourself to your peers who an academic background from a particular university or have obtained a higher qualification than you. You may be doing the same role, but because you're not as qualified as them, think that you are not good enough.

I often say to my clients there are many ways to reach a destination. Using the analogy of a car journey from London to Sheffield, there are many routes you can take to get there. You could take the M1, or you could go via the A1, or even a different route. Either way you still get to the same destination.

Just because someone who does a similar role to you and has taken a different academic route to get there, it doesn't mean that they are better than you, they've just taken a different route.

Let go of unhelpful beliefs that stem from your childhood

If your childhood experience has resulted in you believing you’re not good enough, you don't have to hold on to what you were told and what you believe. Just because you believe something it doesn't mean that it is automatically true.

There are many reasons why your childhood experience was the way it was. It could be that your parents/carers lacked knowledge and understanding of how to nurture and raise a child to have self-belief. It could be something similar to my situation where you were different to your peers and because of a lack of understanding, ignorance, discriminative practises and so on, you were made to feel that you were not good enough.

In the case of many of the introverted women I coach, they were made to believe that because they were introverted, something was wrong with them. This was due to the misconceptions that people have about introversion. Misconceptions of which still exist today.

You cannot change what happened to you in the past, but you can change how you choose to act now as a result of it. If it is a long held, deep rooted belief, it's unlikely you are going to change it overnight. It is something you will have to work on and keep practising.

Develop your self-awareness concerning the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself. Challenge those beliefs, put things into perspective and ask yourself how are holding on to those beliefs helping you. Accept yourself as you are. There are so many different components to who you are, and you have strengths and skills that are different to other people. You are unique to you.

Identify whether you need further training, development or practice

I once had a client who having worked in one industry for 20 years changed industry following redundancy. She had held a senior role and her experience gave her a great understanding of the industry, and she was good at what she did. In the new industry it wasn't long before her talent was recognised, and she was given greater responsibility. Within a short space of time she was being asked to do projects which she did not think she was good enough do.

For many people, being faced with a new challenge or increased responsibility can cause self doubt to rear its head. She would compare herself to her manager and her colleague who between them had about 40 years’ experience in the industry.

It was on pointing out to her that she had little experience, yet was being asked to do things those with 40 years’ experience between them were doing (so how much more would she be capable of in 5 years, or even in one year’s time), that she acknowledged that she was good enough. She then identified, where she needed to get further practice and areas that she needed to develop.

If you have taken on a new challenge or increased responsibility, or are considering doing so but self-doubt is getting in your way, identify what training or practice you need so that you become more familiar with what is required.

Free yourself from self-limiting beliefs and you will skyrocket your self-confidence

Develop your self-awareness through self-reflection. Ask yourself why you respond to certain situations the way you do and why you doubt yourself or think you’re not good enough. Challenge the unhelpful thoughts and self-limiting beliefs you have about yourself and change the way you view yourself. If you keep practising it, it will get easier to recognise when you're getting in the way of you.

Once you free yourself of the limiting beliefs you have about yourself, you will skyrocket your self-confidence. Try it and watch your self-confidence soar. 

Has self-doubt ever held you back from pursuing something in your career? If so, how did you overcome it? Please let me know by commenting below.

Do you want to be more visible as a leader and increase your influence, impact and presence? If so, join my 4 week LinkedIn and Visibility Challenge for Introverted Leaders starting 6 July. Find out about it here.

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About Me

I am the Coach for High Achieving Introverted Women, an Executive, Career and Leadership Coach. I help quiet women to excel as leaders. I also help organisations to get more women and BAME (Black, Asian, Minority Ethnic) employees into senior leadership roles, and provide workshops, training and talks on personal development, career development and leadership development.

Are you an introverted woman in a leadership role who understands the importance of increasing your visibility online in order to increase your influence and impact as a leader, but struggle to do it in a way that feels authentic? If so, download my free training, Be Seen Be Heard, Stand Out Online: Self Promotion Training for Introverted Women Leaders here.

?My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows how these challenges can be overcome. The hardcopy is available here.

Or you can get it on Kindle here.