How Intimacy Before Marriage Causes Changes in Our Brain Chemistry

Attraction and chemistry are exciting. They energize us. We get swept away with emotions and fail to see things as they really are (note the phrase “love is blind”). One of the major ways our judgment is short-circuited is by becoming physically close too soon. Intimacy before marriage can have devastating consequences.

Science helps us understand why.

1.?????Intimacy with another person causes changes in brain chemistry.

Brain research indicates that having intimacy with another person causes changes in brain chemistry, particularly in women, that may cloud judgment and make it difficult to evaluate the situation clearly.

Dating someone once or twice and then being sexually intimate with them is common, even among some Christians. But having sex early in the relationship emotionally knits you together before you have the chance to know a person's real character.

2.?????Hormones during intimacy promote feelings of attachment.

Studies show that during sexual interaction, a hormone—oxytocin—is released that promotes emotional attachment and feelings of trust. Our attachment to someone we barely know can put us on an unsafe roller coaster of emotional highs and lows. The highs have us believing this person is the one; the lows have us crashing into guilt, regret, and despair.

We might prefer to believe that the carefree sexual lifestyle portrayed on movies and TV shows such as Grey’s Anatomy is real, but we need to be aware that there are damaging consequences.

Regardless of what the media portrays about having “friends with benefits,” hooking up, or having casual sex, our emotional health and decision-making ability are affected. Unfortunately, society appears blind to this truth as sexual encounters are becoming more prevalent, especially among college students. Research reveals that up to 80 percent of students have participated in a hook-up, a spontaneous sexual encounter where the two people do not plan to see each other again.

It's Easy to Be Deceived About Intimacy Before Marriage

For Christian singles immersed in this culture, it’s easy to be deceived. But as one married woman said, “Never, never, never have sex outside of marriage. I did this and tried to make it ‘right’ by marrying, only to discover I married the ‘wrong’ guy. I did this twice!”

We assume that the emotional experiences of others really don’t apply to our lives. We think, Hey, I’m different. The rules and research don’t apply to me. After all, we are unique, aren’t we?

Author Daniel Gilbert writes, “Science has given us a lot of facts about the average person, and one of the most reliable of these facts is that the average person doesn’t see herself as average.”

He explains that many students consider themselves smarter than the average student, athletes see themselves as more talented than their peers, and drivers perceive themselves to be safer than the average driver.

Are We the Exception To The Rule?

Self-deception is not an exception. And the mere fact that we perceive ourselves to be exceptional can lead us to conclude we’ll be able to avoid the mistakes other singles make.

While many Christian singles know they can’t justify a sexually active lifestyle, they often minimize the risks because they perceive themselves to be unique. Sexual diseases, broken relationships, and violent encounters always happen to someone else.

Don’t assume you are the exception to this rule. You are like the average person in more ways than one.

Warmly,

Georgia Shaffer

P.S.?Today’s content was adapted from?12 Smart Choices for Finding the Right Guy. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book.

Or if you prefer to partner with a coach as you work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/

Scripture:

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you (Romans 12:3, NIV).

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