How to Intercept and Shift the Balance of Power in Your Favor

Use Your Saboteur Interceptor, PQ Muscle

When you're cold, are you freezing???When you're hot, are you burning up???I'm one of those extreme people, especially when it comes to temperatures and food.??I'm also starving when I'm hungry.??It's all a bit over the top.??Funny thing is I'm fully aware of this behavior, yet, I've chosen not to put any energy into prioritizing change on that front. There are other circumstances that dictate my mood or decisions that require front seat attention.??Building new neural pathways requires me to prioritize my intentional effort. I want to change the choice I'm making today and choose a different, more favorable response.??It will take practice so I start with situations that have a bigger impact.

I 'm referring to the types of circumstances that impact my happiness, my relationships and the decisions that I make, day in, and day out.??The temperature and food are easy enough for me to navigate and my extreme responses to both seem to make others laugh.??It's the more serious auto-pilot responses that need my closer attention.

When I decide to focus efforts on change, the first question I ask myself is:

?"Are the decisions or actions I'm making regarding that circumstance on auto-pilot or thoughtfully vetted ?"??

Lately, I've realized just how much influence my Judge Saboteur has had on my decisions and mood and how much The Judge of Circumstance would negatively impact my life if I didn't catch him in the act.

I used to let my Judge Saboteur drive down my default neural pathways.??Fortunately, now, my Judge of Self, Judge of Others, and Judge of Circumstances have mostly been re-routed.

?When I first "heard" about The Judge, I thought, " Well, If I 'judge' others, I quickly realize what's happening and I stop. " You know how coaches are, we pride ourselves on being self-aware, and because of this self-awareness , I came to the conclusion that I still had lots to learn, so I kept listening.??Listening has not always been my strong suit, but I couldn't argue with science and experts like Shirzad Chamine, founder of Positive Intelligence.??As I listened , I began to truly hear just how The Judge negatively impacts us all.

The Judge mainly causes us to be critical of ourselves.??This is not discerning.??This is not constructive criticism.??It is critical, and critical to a point where it negatively impacts your performance, your happiness and well-being.???You continue to push yourself, hoping to find worthiness.??You think the next thing will help you achieve that special level of worthiness, but then you find out it must be the next thing.??No matter what you attain, it doesn't seem to be enough.??That's one sign that The Judge is at play.

When will you or I ever be enough if we sport that sort of mentality???The next accomplishment will always be the next accomplishment, assignment, project or goal.??Are we as a people simply not able to enjoy the journey???Are we unable to celebrate the milestones???Are we not able to be happy right now, where we are in life???Can we not be happy with what we have accomplished???Can we be happy even though there are things left undone?

This is our quandary and it became my quest to figure it out, so I continued my journey to investigate the most sneaky Judge tactic of all.??The Judge of Circumstance.?

For me, The Judge of Circumstance is the most pervasive when I slip into allowing myself to form expectations. Expectation management continues to be something I work on, especially since I'm so goal focused.??It's my hope that as I share these examples, you'll be better able to understand your Judge of Circumstance and the way he tries to slip into manipulating and jeopardizing your potential.

?Catching The Judge of Circumstance in the Act- Real Examples:

The Coffee Isn't Ground?:

1. True Story: One morning I woke up.??Strolled into the kitchen, half awake, like normal.??When I arrived sleepy eyed, reaching for coffee, I wondered why my husband had not ground the coffee the night before.??Now an important fact to note is that he had stopped drinking coffee, yet I had formed an expectation that he was not only responsible for making my coffee, but for making sure it was ground in the morning.

This was a very shuttle, simple thought that crept into my mind early in the morning, when I just wanted my coffee, but, for a few minutes, I was really annoyed with him.??How ridiculous!??Fortunately, I caught the sneaky Judge of Circumstance, and realized what was happening. Later, I laughed at my default neural network and I realized I had some work to do!

Is This Networking Event Worth My Time?:

?2.??Actual Behavioral Pattern - Caught Red Handed!: I assume, I'll not meet anyone "interesting" at a networking event so I don't go. By interesting, I mean, will they introduce me to someone, will I be able to introduce them to someone???Will we become lifelong friends and share awesome business ideas???Will I meet like-minded people who actually save my card and connect on Linked In, maybe even follow me and comment on my posts???I go through a few of these scenarios and with zero facts to substantiate my assumption, decide not to go.

?I think I'm making a decision, a relatively harmless decision about managing my time and energy, but is that's what's really happening?

?No, that's not what's happening at all.???I've been had by the Saboteurs!??I've been conditioned and it all started, like a toppling row of dominoes, with The Judge of Circumstance.

Then the human wiring, adds an approach/avoidance, operant conditioning cycle all initiated because of "The Judge of Circumstance" and in the end, you get a pile of fallen dominoes called "Missing Stacked Opportunities." Here's the sequence:?

1.??I "approach" the idea of going to a networking event.??I actually think networking is a good idea and the "approach" aspect comes in when a person, in this case, me makes it a "goal" (used loosely).

2. I "avoid" going because I have a "thing" about time management - after all I am a performance coach, so time does come up.??I'm always evaluating how I use my time. This isn't a bad thing as we all only have 24 hours to spend each day, it's just a balancing act like most things in life.??It's important but when is time management or as I prefer managing your time a little overkill???When do you, for instance, manage your time so you can stop and smell the roses???I digress.??You see, I have a "thing" about time!

I both want to go and I don't want to go at the same time - approach/avoidance.

I think if I avoid going I'll better manage my time and I've convinced myself that I'm better managing my time.??I'm making the best decision for me and my business.??So, when I don't go (avoid), I get a little dose of dopamine (reward).??I feel all good about my decision because of the dopamine and I've conditioned myself to do the same thing over and over (operant?conditioning).

?This scenario ALL started with me making an assumption about a circumstance - I assume the event will not be worth my time, so I avoid going.??I "judge" it without any facts to substantiate my claim.??That's The Judge of Circumstance.??Once that happens, my body kicks in with hormones, and the dopamine makes me think I'm making the right decision.??This makes the default mode hard to break if you don't disrupt the pattern with friction.??How will you break the cycle and introduce friction?

Break the Cycle with the Saboteur Interceptor, PQ Muscle

1. Start with awareness - What do you "automatically" do without thinking about it.??Do you have a few automatic responses that might be operant conditioning???Of course you do.??We all do.??Becoming aware of how you automatically respond can be telling.

2. Do PQ reps. - 2 minutes repetitions of choice when you focus your mind on 1 thing.??When you've automated a response you need to practice and prepare for an alternate response.??Even if this isn't a "hand on the hot stove moment" use the PQ reps to calm your mind.??Longer sessions help open up your mind to solutions that you may not have considered.

?Examples:

Breath - Focus on your breath, the inhale and the exhale.??

Visual - Focus on a single object.

Touch - Focus on the sensation of rubbing 2 fingertips together.

?2. Spend time with honest reflection - Being honest with yourself can be hard.??Some of us have no problem being honest with ourselves, but then when we realize what honesty reveals and we don't like what we see.??Instead of embracing that person, we decide to want to immediately inflict some form of punitive action for all the past choices, decisions, etc. that we did not like.??Somehow we skip over most of the good stuff.??

?The goal is to reflect with honest discernment.??Don't beat yourself up, simple discernment, noting when you could have done better and when you did well and avoiding conclusion drawing because of pre-wired assumptions.

?Here's a great personal example related to networking events.?? I was too busy evaluating my husband's "Avoider" response to crowds that I didn't think The Avoider applied to me.???I wonder if that was my Judge looking outward instead of looking back at self???Trying to point the finger of Avoider blame on him so I wouldn't find out how the Avoider showed up in my own life?

After I caught myself exhibited this behavior, I spent some time thinking about what Candice Seti, PsyD, wrote in her book, The Self-Sabotage Behavior Workbook.??She asked, how do "you" avoid???I thought I could skip out on the question, since I scored lower on the Avoider Saboteur scale, but that wasn't her question.???So, I sat with the question. I went over Kim scenarios.???I reflected and realized that my "Avoider" showed up in the way I respond to whether I attend events, particularly networking events.

The lesson to be learned here is, it's so easy to look at everyone else around us and see how their Saboteurs are impacting their lives.??Especially when you are a coach.??Honest reflection means more than the epiphanies you find post reflection.??It means you must do something about the findings.???Even if you are like me and you don't think you have a shred of a certain Saboteur behavior in your "how you respond or not" portfolio, reflect, because you do.??I've found that's how The Judge and Accomplice Saboteurs tend to show up, sneaking around, slipping in your life.

If I allowed "The Judge of Circumstance" to run my neural pathways he would undeniably impede my best interest.??

?How???In many ways, but here's a few ways to help you understand how your Judge of Circumstance might be sabotaging your best interest.

The Judge would get in the way of my relationships, and probably start by catching me at a vulnerable time, first thing in the morning, before I'm charged up.??How easy it would be to incite a disagreement over coffee because it wasn't ground and ready to perk.

The Judge would ask my Controller Saboteur to join in, and they would contribute to my operant conditioning.??They would keep me from networking because I would continue to think I was the master of my time, all the while never realizing that I was likely missing out, because of my assumptive, reward cycle behavior.??Sneaky Saboteurs...

The Judge of Circumstance and the other Sneaky Saboteurs would love to try to keep me from becoming my best self.???There are days when I'm not fully charged and they steal some of my joy.??The great news is, I'm aware enough to stop their fun and understand that many of my choices have been default programmed.??

I have an opportunity to discern whether a networking event is "worth my time."???I have the opportunity to decide if I'm going to make a big deal about coffee that's not ground. I'll use facts and experience as my guide and not assumptions, and I'll make my own coffee, that is, unless my husband is just being nice!

Want to take charge and shift the balance of power in your brain.??Start building your Self-Command PQ Muscle.??

If you want to learn more about Shifting the Balance of Power in Your Brain you can:

1. Learn more about PQ and Priorities - Attend a Priority Q/A Forum
2. Attend a Workshop - Flip the Script on a Goal
3. Read more about The Shift Here -

????????? A Practical Approach to Mental Fitness and Goals

1. Discover Your Saboteur and set up a 1:1 Priority Call with me.

Initially, it may seem a bit overwhelming because you may not have realized you responded certain ways to various circumstances. But beauty lies in awareness.??It is the catalyst of positive change.??The change that you choose.??The road you design and the choice you decide you will make in the future.??It's not a pre-fab that comes from some factory.??It's a custom designed response the you, yourself and you create.

Liberating!??So, whatever you do, don't spend time feeling bad about past responses. They were what they were.??Understand the triggers.??Stop.??Choose your new response.

The PQ Assessment is backed by Neuro-Science and the factor analysis studies and work of Shirzad Chamine, NY Times Author, Positive Intelligence.