How to influence people—and make friends

Tense talk about politics over Thanksgiving dinner. A divisive foreign-affairs conversation among university students. Our daily lives are rife with opportunities for disagreement, and we all believe in our own arguments. But arguing well is a hard skill to master.

When handled well, friction can be an opportunity to bridge perspectives and build relationships. That means not succumbing to rage or frustration, and learning to not wield your values as weapons, Arthur C. Brooks explains. Such “reflexive inclinations” are more likely to put off other people. Instead, he notes that “true listening is a gift—and people find it very persuasive.”

Today’s newsletter brings you stories about the better ways to change people’s minds:

• “How to Influence People—And Make Friends ,” by Arthur C. Brooks. The key to persuasion is not beating people over the head with your better ideas—it’s listening sincerely to what they have to say.
• “This Article Won’t Change Your Mind ,” by Julie Beck. The facts on why facts alone can’t fight false beliefs. (From 2017)
• “How to Have a Healthy Argument ,” by Hanna Rosin. Hint: It doesn’t involve the facts.
• “We Argue in All the Wrong Ways ,” by David French. You can’t fact-check your way into family peace. (From 2021)
• “A Gentler, Better Way to Change Minds ,” by Arthur C. Brooks. Stop wielding your values as a weapon and start offering them as a gift. (From 2022)

—? Stephanie Bai, associate editor