How to improve your eye contact when presenting

Have you ever stopped to consider your effective use of eye contact and how it can affect customers? Eye contact provides a vast amount of information about customers you are listening to and talking to. Eye contact provides subtle behavioural, physiological and psychological data that is critically important in dealing with customers and clients.

How do your rate your eye contact? Is it passive, aggressive, compliant, soft, reassuring, trustworthy or inviting? Eye contact is vital to effective communication just as body language, speech, listening, head and hand movements are.

Eye contact has two variable components. These are when you are listening and when you are talking. Each has different aspects you need to be aware of from your perception and the person’s or people’s perception you are communicating with.

What is eye contact?

Eye contact is not just the full blown stare, but the nuances of communication, side long glances, fleeting glances, rate of blink, facial expressions attached to the type of contact and sometimes lack of eye ball to eye ball address. Eye contact provides a range of social and communication information about the person you are listening to and talking to.

You can be seen as aggressive if there is too much eye contact. You can be seen is diffident or disinterested if there too little eye contact. Have you ever noticed how great customer relations people, communicators, counter sales people, politicians, counselors and good public speakers have very effective eye contact skills?

Eye contact in everyday life

Because you use eye contact continually both in business and socially it is eminently sensible to discover and practise how to use your eyes to your best advantage when interacting with customers and people generally.

If you have ever travelled overseas and haggled with street traders you will have been aware of the effective eye contact in concert with other body language. These stall holders understand the power of eye contact when selling. They know how to instill interest, pathos and humour into their selling process with their capacity to maintain eye contact.

When people like what they see, are aroused or interested in the conversation or product their pupils will dilate and often their blink rates increases. Be aware of this reaction or activity when you talk to people. Listen to their responses to not only what you say, but how their eye contact capacity is highlighted or diminished.  

How to improve your eye contact skills

a) Listening to an individual. Try not to stare directly at people too hard or for prolonged periods when you are listening to them. It can be upsetting or make people uneasy if you stare too hard in an intense manner.

An effective listening technique with an individual is to utilise the “rotation” technique. This rotation technique is where you look at one eye for a few seconds. Then you rotate to look at the other eye for a few seconds and then you rotate to look at the mouth as it is speaking for a few seconds. Keep rotating in this fashion during the course of the person’s conversation with you. A complete rotation from eye to eye to mouth might take about 20- 30 seconds maximum.

Combine this rotation technique with interactive listening such as affirmative nodding, instilling agreement words into the conversation like; “I see”, “OK”, “Good”, “Yes” “Mmm”, and “Uh huh”. This will keep the conversation flowing and show a genuine interest in the dialogue you are engaged in with the person you are listening to.

Activity: The next five conversations you have with individual customers employ the rotation method of eye contact to improve your listening. Discuss this with your team or manager.

a) Listening to a couple. Try not to stare directly at just one of the partners for prolonged periods when you are listening to them. Share your attention in eye contact when listening equally between the partners.

The “rotation” technique can be modified to look at one partner then the other. Concentrate on the person speaking but rotate to the silent partner with your eye contact when doing the Uh huh and Mmms etc. This makes sure they are in the communication loop. Rotation from partner to partner might take about 10- 20 seconds maximum.

b) Listening to a group. When talking to a group of people it is important to have direct contact with your listeners. Have eye contact with as many of the group as is practical as having eye contact with just one person may impair the listening and learning capacity of the whole group. The “rotation” technique can be modified to look at various members of the group for durations of 10-20 seconds at a time.

Also be very aware if there is a “major” communicator or leader in the group. Of course they may not be the decision maker but just a spokesperson. So it is important to connect by eye contact with the entire group if possible.

a) Talking to an individual While constant eye contact is important understand that you don’t want to make it a power contest that upsets or unsettles the person you are talking to. Staring intensely at someone for long periods of time or continually is unnerving. Try and break your eye contact for short durations of time say of 5-10 seconds

Try not to look down as this could indicate you are not “with them”, the end of the conversation or be taken as disinterest. A technique to still stay engaged is to a) look up or

b) to the side of the persons head level with their ears.

e) Talking to a couple. Maintaining constant eye contact with a couple while talking is difficult. As with individuals it is important that you don’t make it a power contest that upsets or unsettles the person you are talking to. Staring intensely at two people for long periods of time can fray your concentration. Try and switch your eye contact for short durations of time say of 5-10 seconds between each person.

Try not to look down as this could indicate you are not “with them”, the end of the conversation or be taken as disinterest. A technique to still stay engaged is to a) look up or

b) to the side of the persons head level with their ears.

f) Talking to a group. When talking to a group of people it is important to have direct contact with your listeners. This is where you use the technique of “Sweeping”. Sweep your eye contact over the group on a regular basis. Observe who returns your eye contact, holds your eye contact, lets your eye contact go or refuses to have eye contact with you. Have eye contact with as many of the group as is possible noting those who mirror your head gestures like nodding, smiling or frowning.

Activity: The next time you are talking to a group employ the sweeping method of eye contact. Discuss the effects of this with your team.

g) Having a heated discussion. Holding your eye contact in a heated discussion shows strength. It is assumed if you drop your eye contact or gaze intensity when you are having a heated discussion with someone you have given ground. This can of course be influenced by who you are having the heated discussion with.

If it is a superior to you at work, your partner or a child the variances are quite remarkable in the intent, strength and duration of the eye contact aren’t they? Even so try to hold the eye contact while you are talking and when you are listening to the other person.

Activity: The next time you are having a heated discussion observe how the other person employs the power of eye contact with you. Discuss the impact of this with your team.

This article is reprinted with permission from Jim Prigg CEO and founder of Knowledgemaster International (KMI) Pty Ltd. KMI is an online resources company that delivers practical communications, interaction, sales and soft skills tips, tactics, techniques THAT WORK.

Learn more about winning business programs by calling Jim at mobile 0408 520453 or [email protected]

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