How to implement boundaries

A common complaint I receive a lot as a coach is “I wish I had better boundaries”.

Establishing boundaries is a lot harder than the average individual thinks. It requires awareness, accountability, action, courage, tenacity, and vulnerability. Implementing a boundary is not as simple as I want X so I will do Y. This is because when we change the way we behave, we must change our attitudes & influence of our community around us.

An example: Say your partner or boss communicates in a way that you feel is triggering or disrespectful.

First need to be aware of the mental, emotional, and energetic feeling that is occurring because of the style of communication.

Second you will get to work through all the fears you have regarding what it means about you, the meanings you make about it, the uncertainty of how the other person is about to react, as well as how to execute it in a way where it can create a space of respect, understanding and agreement moving forward. — talk about courage.

From there comes the actual verbalization, articulation, expression: hopefully in a way that does not offend the person.

• Is your intention to make me feel ___, because the impact you are having on me is ___.
• When you do ____, the story I make up about you is ___.
• Instead of saying or doing ___, can you please go about it like ___. That will allow me to feel ___.

Next we have the agreement. Once you have communicated what boundary you would like, how you would like to experience it and why it is important to you comes with the mirroring back communication into an agreement. I find that one of the biggest components missing in today’s relationships are the application of agreements over expectations.

• So, what I am hearing you say is _____. Did I get it? Is that all?

Once you do that and reach a destination that there ‘is not anything more’, you will then want to allow the other person to reply, and you then follow the same suit. What I am hearing you say is ___. Did I get it? Is that all?

Boundaries do not have to be difficult if we are willing to embody the reality that we must teach (& show) people how to love, honor & respect us. And the most important place to start is yourself.

Action steps for this month: get clear on where you do not have boundaries with yourself.

• Do you sabotage yourself with negative self-talk?
• Do you eat past satiation because you are eating to fill a void you are lacking in another area of life?
• How are your spending patterns? Do you consistently go over budget?
• What about social life — are you easily influence by others to keep you up later than you would like?
• How about work-life integration, do you prioritize your career over your own wellbeing?

These are all things to get clear on because they directly impact your quality of life and the way in which you will live.

Need help or looking to create change — you know where to find me.

#emotionalintelligence #healthyrelationships #mentalwellbeing #emotionalwellbeing #selfawareness