How I'm still alive, I'll never know ????

I had a huge void to fill after my Mum died…it was easily filled with drink and drugs

It was the early 00's and I guess you could say it was a case of wrong place, wrong time…someone thrusted a wrap of white powder into my hand and told me to "cheer up" ??

So "cheer up" I did.

Everywhere I went I was pretty "cheery"

Clubs, bars, strangers houses, public toilets even the pavement seemed alright to me.

And I'm serious…

It wasn't until I'd sniffed so much ketamine, E's and coke that I woke up in the first aid room of my favourite club having my blood pressure taken…I'd nearly overdosed…

Yep, being dumped on the pavement chewing your lobes off after too much ket sure was a 'happy place' to be…??

It took two days for me to recognise my own hands for fucksake…(ket will do that to you…it's an anaesthetic) ??

And when I finally came round after days of being off my tits it dawned on me that this wasn't so happy after all…

I was deeply depressed…and I imagined that I was beyond help…

I told myself a story that I was broken and that no one could possibly 'get me'

That maybe my problems were just too BIG

Or scary? ????

When I turned up to my first counselling session, I actually thought I'd scare the counsellor off, she'd tell me she couldn't help…

But, I was wrong…so very wrong…

Sure, it took me 3 years of showing up and facing up to some very difficult shiz…??

I learned to let go of that story about myself, that I was broken, that I was a victim and that I couldn't get better…utter bullshit

And here's what I say, "You can't have it all, until you're willing to give it all up."

You can't have it all until you’re ready and willing to give up your favourite story about yourself as to why you can't achieve the things you really want in life. Do that and everything is going to change for you ????