How I'm entering this August differently from last August

Last August I began the month a similar way I had for years prior: celebrating our wedding anniversary, sinking into Leo season (as an Aquarius, Leo season is always particularly energizing and abundant), and even preparing for a big and exciting transition within our family as we were testing the waters with a new schedule for our oldest daughter and figuring out some new things. We also had some planned time off where Chris and I could catch up on some much needed quality time after I had gotten very sick back in November 2022. I had finally recovered what felt like 90%, was going to physical therapy less and was feeling more in my (own) flow. It was an exciting time.

Then on August 8th, 2023, our home, community, entire neighborhood was destroyed by electrical fires. Expected time recalibrating, turned into overtime where we were working overboard to just scramble for safety and wellness. Our stability turned into chaos and uncertainty overnight. Over 100 neighbors were killed, and 10,000+ of our community ourselves included were displaced.?

I’ll send a more detailed email about all the people we want to thank, and how much we feel gratitude for the prayers, thoughts, and support over the last year.

But the thing was I remember the days after the fire somewhere in between realizing how severe things really were and doing our best to parent, I remember rolling my eyes at my former perspectives and ideas of abundance, ease, possibility, hope. I looked at instagram posts and emails I had written days prior to the fire and remember not even recognizing who the person that wrote that was.?

Trauma will do that to you. It’ll rock you and change you. It will bring you into the darkness and make you somehow blame yourself even when you’re at your lowest, and especially when the trauma has nothing to do with you.

But in the early onset after the fire, lucky to be alive, but seeing the ripples of trauma in our community, family and all of West Maui I did blame myself. I felt like maybe making the choices we made leading up to escaping the fire by a few minutes and running from our lives was somehow my fault. I wondered if that was a mom-guilt thing or just a trauma response. I was impacted by fire associations and still hesitate a bit when I see clouds that could be smoke.

And I remember that first few weeks and months after the fire when I was coming up for air and trying to make sense of how to move forward, I judged who I used to be before the fire, and even how I spoke about things. It all seemed overly positive, and hopeful. Like was I floating on a pink cloud? I was embarrassed that I’d talk about things like hope, positivity, potential, second chances.

But here’s what I know now. The me BF (before fire as us fire survivors call it) was someone who had also lived through trauma and loss before losing the sense of belonging and safety in the fire. I had difficulties in childhood, I experienced severe bullying in middle school. Then in adulthood I had exposure to a danger, run for my life, and most recently had a medical emergency that left me learning to walk and balance. I hadn;t been on a pink cloud before the fire, I was just grateful to be alive and trying to share that gratitude with others. And after the fire, I wasn’t judging myself, I was actually yearning for who I used to be because the impact of this severe of a trauma that impacted my sweet little children, my marriage, my confidence, my professional work and business, was just that severe of a trauma.

A year later, I’m entering August with more feelings of gratitude, but also deep self-forgiveness. I’ve missed a lot of things I meant to share and help you with this year, but trauma and recovering from trauma took the wheel. I finally (most days at least) forgive myself for the choice to settle in our previous home and neighborhood. I’ve received therapies and coaching of all types, even ones I didn’t know existed before the fire- in order to heal, or make progress in my own healing.

I share this because maybe it’s been a while since we’ve spoken or connected, maybe you had one hard as heck year like me too. But I want you to know that you don’t have to explain yourself. As we each heal, grow, and strengthen in our emotional intelligence, we have the opportunity to rest, reset, realign, and reevaluate.

As for me that’s meant time has been dedicated to our family, to my craft and research, and to regulating my own nervous system. Professionally I’ve been in full swing as a thought partner, consultant, and coach working with the most inspiring leaders and public figures. In my free time, I’m daydreaming, crafting, resting, and coloring with my girls. I’m surfing and swimming, and we’re still figuring out all our next steps… as we go.

I experienced a serious drop in my self-esteem after the fire, wondering would anyone want to hire me or learn from me if I’m literally in the middle of the hardest trauma and year of my life? I did something I encourage you to do if you find yourself in that dilemma: tell the truth. I told the truth, and more specifically, even though we are in??a rebuilding phase financially as a family, I specifically knew I didn’t want pity money. I didn’t want anyone to hire me because they felt bad for me and my family. Venmo is for that, but my professional work? I take it seriously because it changes lives and makes the world a better place. So I named that second truth. I said to only hire me because I’m the only woman offering what I provide with the knowledge I have. And it led to aligned clients and students, and new opportunities with guest speaking, training, and leading events and retreats.

Here are some of them happening right now.

• If you’re a business owner, you’ll want to join this incredible event. Fun fact: I’m the only NON marketer in this conference, because flow serves as your pathway to all things momentum, alignment, and thought leadership. It’s happening online in September and early bird tickets are available for a limited time here. ?(referral link)
• I’m leading two flow sessions in-person in Dallas in September. We’ll chill and flow together for 2 full days! This event is almost sold out, grab tickets here. Use code FLOW to save $100. (referral link)
• I’ve used my thought leadership to launch The Flow Brain and heal sort of publicly but in my own private and faceless way. It works for me these days.?
• We have Flow courses available to learn from and download here.
• I have two more one-time flow sessions open for August or September. If you’d like to meet for a one time 1:1 session, reply for the link!

What’s next:?

I’m launching a brand new project that is actually reminiscent of what we did 4 years ago if you can remember… any guesses? It’s sort of like a homecoming and is featuring the color…. (okay no more clues I’m already sharing too much!) Feel free to reply with your guess if you’ve been around since the start because I’d love to tell you if you’re right! Or message me if you want a clue =)?

I’d love to hear how you’re starting this August especially if it’s a bit different than how it’s been for you in the past. I’d also welcome your personal updates and shares. And if we haven’t officially met, please reply back here with who you are and a fun or funny fact about you. If you have something cool happening in your life, I’d love to cheer you on.

I’ll circle back soon but for now I wish you, if you need it like I do: self-forgiveness and alignment. Life in flow isn’t always easy but it’s filled with waves and that’s why we flow.

Warmly,

Julia