How to Identify Your Dream and Take Action

It all starts with a dream. People who come to me for help have a dream to go beyond?their normal boundaries to do something that is significant and fulfilling, something? they will regret not pursuing if they haven’t made the attempt. These are sometimes people whom others would describe as successful, who don’t necessarily have to?change anything to have a comfortable existence for the rest of their lives, but who have a hunger to dig deeper and go farther with a cherished goal—sometimes a hidden one.?

My first question is simple and to the point: “What is the best possible outcome?of our working together?” Just using the words “best” and “possible” awakens someone’s senses to the idea that anything can happen, and that whatever that thing is,?it can be magnificent.?

This is when people usually get right to the point and express something big and hard: “I want to become an inspirational leader who helps other people find their purpose and bring it to work in a new way,” “I want to stop waiting to be happy and start doing things that will make life more fulfilling,” “I want to change? my approach to work so that I can spend more time with my family and friends,” or “I? want to become an entrepreneur and control my own future.”?

I can usually tell when someone is passionate about what they want to do?because they are very articulate about their goal, and the more they explain, the faster they talk. Because so much of what I do is over the phone, I have learned to “read”? voices, and a passionate voice is warm, easy, and vibrant. People who are encouraged?to share their dream without judgment will pick up steam as they describe their goal, usually because they have spent so much time in their heads thinking about it and? trying to figure out how to make it happen.?

My follow-up question is “So what then?” What I’m trying to get at with that question is what will change in the person’s life once they accomplish that goal. A woman who wants to leave a comfortable job with an assured income to launch her own advisory service for high income women who want to be more philanthropic might have been given the message that all wealthy people are greedy as a child, and might feel conflicted about focusing on that type of client. If, instead, she focuses on what wealthy people can do for the betterment of others, it is a goal that doesn’t undermine her values.

“So what then?” also helps to elucidate how important the goal is to the person? as opposed to anyone else close to them. If I hear the word “should,” as in “I should go?to medical school” or “I should be retired by the age of 45,” that’s a giveaway that the person might not have what we call “self concordant” or “intrinsic” goals. Goals that matter almost primarily to you and that will keep you in the?game when it’s challenging are goals that don’t matter to anyone but you. If your dream? is to please someone else, including your family or your coach, then it’s not going to?work out well.?

Here are a few questions to get you started on your dream:

• If you knew you would not fail, what would you most like to accomplish in the next five years?
• When you lose track of time while doing something, what are you doing and is this a pastime or something that could become a career?
• If you often say “I wish I could …” and name an action or accomplishment, where can you find someone who could share how they had already done that?