How to identify and nurture your most important stakeholders

Who doesn’t want to be able to influence more outcomes, more people?

While you are putting in all the hours to deliver great work, getting recognition or support and buy-in from your stakeholders — team, peers, boss, partners, clients, etc. —?for your strategic programmes and initiatives feels harder sometimes.?

We get frustrated, exhausted, worn down, demoralised, and even angry.

It would be nice if work was truly meritocratic. It would be nice if our work quality spoke for itself, and built the credibility and authority we need for the next project.

The thing is, we’re emotional beings and, well… honestly? We’re prone to illogical thoughts and irrational conclusions — or rather they are (not you of course!). We make decisions based on our emotions more-often-than-not. And let me not forget that we have short memories — we’re so distracted by our own challenges that we can’t really remember all the great stuff you can do.?

I highlight this reality with great kindness.

Everyone is inside their own heads, worrying about their own next move. So it’s on us to gently and often remind them, deepen our emotional connection to them, and get in the habit of making direct requests. And to reciprocate.

Your direct stakeholders

Your stakeholders are all the people you directly interact with, rely on and need to make your work and life less stressful, add value and even make leading more enjoyable.

Your direct stakeholders are:

• Your team members — past and present, each one could feel motivated or speak ill of you?
• Your peers — the ones you work closely with and the ones you can’t quite see how to get close to
• Your boss — who you may be fully aligned with or never quite seem to get off on the right foot and always feel like you’re having different conversations
• Committee or board members you report into — as well as?
• Clients and customers — the ones that love your service or product, and the 20% that always seem to have painful challenges
• Suppliers and business partners — the ones that value you and the ones who can’t see how you can make them successful or hit their revenue targets
• Life partners and family — Yes! The people you’ve committed to, that are always there for you and, who perhaps too many times, you’ve taken for granted
• Friends and neighbours — the ones that always make you feel better and the ones you’ve been neglecting because work is too busy
• Care workers, childminders and home helpers — the ones who can show up with their game face on, take care of the important people in your life, and release you to work and earn

Which of these relationships are already strong? And how do you know?

Which relationships have you neglected? Why is that?

These are all the people in your life and work who could make things easier for you, who could more strongly support you… if you had a stronger emotional connection with them, where you understand what’s important to them and they know what’s important to you.

Your indirect stakeholders — those who influence your stakeholders

One step removed from you and your direct stakeholders are all those who influence the people you rely on. Whose opinion and support do your stakeholders rely on and respect?

It’s important to know this because it could sway their opinion about you and your work.

For example, your boss might be close to the CFO and their position on spend may always overrule any decision about your programmes, even if they love the initiative and see it as strategically important.

Members of your own team will have collaborative relationships with people in other teams and other function heads. Their exchanges are going to influence their opinions and decisions.

Let’s make it even more personal and clear. How about the best friend who your life partner always listens to? Right? That best friend is your indirect stakeholder.?

That makes indirect stakeholders important.

If you’re an individual contributor without tangible leverage

As an individual contributor without the authority or weight of a team or budget, your ability to influence leaders and teams you rely on to adopt standards, technology and methods relies even more on the strength of your relationships.

Your ability to forge strong alliances is directly and absolutely critical to your success.

Stakeholders you don’t have an obvious reason to connect with

Just because you are not collaborating with someone right now does not mean you have no immediate need to build a relationship with them. They could be influencing stakeholders of those you DO have a direct relationship with. You understanding their concerns and priorities could help you advocate for them and build credit with them for when you DO need their support.

Plus, you might discover that you enjoy each other’s conversations, have an interest in common, or feel inspired by their passion and style.

What a bonus!

Do the self-analysis — prioritise and make a plan

If you’re not clear who is most important on your list and why, you’re going to continue neglecting the people who could have the biggest impact on the quality of your career and your life in general.

Grab a giant notebook and map out all your relationships.?

Be honest with yourself and don’t judge your conclusions — sometimes your boss’s support is more important than a peer’s to get something over the line. That won’t always be the way, but for now and for this immediate project and event it is, and that’s okay if you redress the balance as soon as you can AND you can articulate that well to your peers.

Ask yourself,

• Which relationships are already strong? How do you know?
• Which relationships have you neglected? Why is that?
• Whose opinion do your stakeholders rely on and respect?
• Where do you need to invest more time and energy?
• What would strengthening priority relationships give you?
• How might not doing those things derail or slow you?

Once you have a plan and clarity, start lining up some low/no agenda meetings — just time to get to know each other and chat.

“Hey, I would love to understand more about…

… what you do

… how your manage your team

… [X] technology

… design thinking models

… your business

… your background

… your culture

… your [passion/obsession]

“Could we schedule some time for a coffee?”

If you listen carefully and ask great questions, you’ll discover what’s top of mind for them, what they’re worrying about, and what’s blocking them. You might also tune into the language they use that reveals what their personal values are and something about their communication style. You might discover their big life goals and ambitions, an amazing back story, or just what they do to unwind on weekends.

Once you’ve built stronger emotional connections with your stakeholders, you are better placed to make requests to have their support or counsel for your next strategic programme or initiative.

Remember to reciprocate. Offer the same back. Because no-one likes a taker.

Sehaam Cyrene PCC — The COACH/LEAD? Coach

I teach leaders to use powerful coaching skills from one conversation to the next.?

COACH/LEAD? is my liberating leadership style that best equips leaders for today's challenges and a healthier working world.

My CPD Certified Programme, Leaders Who Coach? is 5-Star Rated with 10/10 NPS by graduating leaders at Accenture, Amplience, bol.com, Buffer, Cancer Research UK, Claranet, elastic, ESB Networks, JP Morgan Chase, Moo, Publicis Sapient, Recycleye, Sainsbury's, Thales, Vortexa and more. "Transformational!" "Game-changer!" "Secret sauce to high-performing businesses."

My Better Conversations Rulebook: Questions & Phrases Practised Daily by Leaders Who Coach? is an Amazon #1 Best Seller in Business Management & Leadership.

Need my help? Get in touch.

?? Get my full and free COACH/LEAD? Newsletter ?? for more strategic coach-leadership advice and empowering techniques. In my recent email, I shared advice and techniques on relationships:

8 ways to people watch in your meetings | You can pick up a lot of cues from your team meetings that you can act on, including one-on-one follow-up conversations with individuals.

6 ways Coach-Leaders flex their communication styles | You can experiment with a communication style that is NOT your default one. What will you discover? I believe as leaders, we are responsible for how our messages are received.

21 questions to get to know your team better | You can deepen what you know about every member of your team. What opportunities to delegate and amplify your team's capability will you uncover?

7 things to do instead of avoiding horrible conversations | We fear difficult conversations because they are loaded with emotions, illogical opinions, inexperience, bad memories, guilt, doubts and second guesses.

Find emotional richness in connections, or else deny yourself allies | Overlooking relationships and stakeholders is like forgetting to water your favourite plant — it withers. Neglecting them means missing out on potential allies.

Subscribe to my? ?? COACH/LEAD? Newsletter ?? for more coach-leadership advice and techniques.