How I went from Microsoft Techie to Coaching a Broadway Star

My son, Ryan, was 11 when I got a call that changed our lives forever. Warner Brothers offered Ryan a starring role in a new multi-million dollar musical. He would be the iconic "Charlie" in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Broadway. I sat stunned. Ryan had no professional experience, no formal training, and no industry insider contacts. How did we reach a destination that, although welcome, we weren't aiming for? The answers may surprise you.

We accepted the offer, moved across the country, and were immediately thrust into an industry we knew nothing about. My son's journey to Broadway was so improbable, and the lessons we learned so impactful, that I've kept a journal. For years friends have been encouraging me to share our journey publicly. This is the first in a series of articles describing our unique experience and how we personalized I.T. professional development and leadership training principles to accelerate this unexpected journey.?

Who am I and why do I get to write about I.T. professional development and Broadway? I'm a 25-year veteran in the I.T. software industry and proud father of a son who has performed more than 200 times to live Broadway audiences. Ryan has appeared in major movies (recently with Jennifer Lopez), on television, commercials, sung on albums, and received positive reviews by critics in the NY Times, Variety. I'm proud to have spent more than 16 years at Microsoft where I benefited from a positive, high-performance culture and enjoyed access to world-class professional development programs. I was challenged to bring my best to the workplace---and then back home.?

It was surreal. In a few short weeks, Ryan transitioned from a normal life of a 5th grader and little soccer player to Broadway. He was in a strange city, performing live in front of 1,500 people for 2 1/2 hours, multiple times a week. He was singing, dancing, and acting, greeting hundreds of fans, signing autographs, doing photoshoots, press interviews, meeting celebrities, and participating in marketing events. This opportunity came almost out of nowhere for Ryan. My wife and I were so awestruck that we watched Ryan perform more than 125 times, at our own expense. It's a fairy tale for us, but make no mistake, Broadway is an intensely serious business.

What got us here

Ryan's path to Broadway isn't about traditional raw singing, dancing, or acting talent. He has it, but so do scores of other kids. Many kids were more polished in these areas with the advantage of years of preparation for a once in a lifetime opportunity like this. This isn't a story about his parents pushing him, because we didn't. This was his first audition for a Broadway show and came about from a series of unexpected meetings. Broadway was an enchantment, never a goal. Ryan wasn't trained for Broadway…or so we thought.

Within 45 minutes of meeting our son, a room full of talent experts determined that our inexperienced 11-year-old, could 'carry' a multi-million dollar Broadway production. How could they know our son would show up every day, on time, memorize his lines, take instruction, learn to dance, act and perform? We didn't know. Ryan was an unknown in their circles. Beside the raw talent, what did they see??

Deconstructing Success

I believe in the power of deconstructing success to share elements others can leverage. This is what worked to give Ryan a spark and prepare him for this unexpected journey. My son had no formal professional training, but apparently everything he needed.

I describe myself as a product of great mentors, visionary leaders, dynamic organizations, personal execution against big goals, and individual grit. I believe in the power of mentoring. I benefited from it early throughout my I.T. career. I wanted my son to be the beneficiary of the training and mentoring I received.?

?Coach Soft Skills Early

Ryan's interpersonal communication skills were no accident. My wife and I were introverts.

Before Ryan was born, we developed a deliberate strategy to give him life skills that he wouldn't necessarily learn through school --- especially in areas that came hard for us.?

It started with simple principles we learned from professional development and leadership training programs as we applied them to family life.

Our stated goal for parenting was to teach Ryan to become a leader --- of himself. That's the one thing he could control. I wanted him to think for himself unencumbered from irrational fears, bias, and peer pressure. I knew a positive attitude with solid interpersonal communication skills would make life's journey easier. It would help him make friends, give him an edge in interviews, and therefore access to more opportunities in life. Never did we envision these skills providing career opportunities before college.?

?I reasoned that the best formula was: Instruct+ Demonstrate + Coach + Make it fun + Iterate = Success. It's no more than what today's corporations, presenters and speakers try to do to keep our adult attention.?

I've always valued instruction accompanied by demonstration, coaching, and mentoring. Interpersonal skills aren't honed through memorization. We develop skills like we build muscles. Results would be seen over time as we exercised (practiced) our new interpersonal communication muscles.?

In my mind, the key would be to work with him positively and proactively. I endeavored to avoid continual reactive correction. I didn’t want to embarrass or frustrate him. We were careful as we did not want to drive him towards perfectionism. Proactive repetition would create positive habits. We made it interactive and fun. You might call it rehearsals.?

The best time to start with kids is when they are young; the second best time is NOW.?

Ryan could Hold eye contact, smile and engage with adults?

One of my first objectives, was to teach Ryan how to maintain eye contact with adults as they greeted him hello. It doesn't come natural to most of us as kids. We started working with Ryan when he young and learning to string together a couple words.?

I wanted to work with him before he developed bad habits. By starting early and being proactive I knew we had plenty of time to create positive habits. Once a ship starts to sail in the right direction, it requires only small corrections to maintain course.

I knew the power of building habits by rehearsing positive outcomes. We spent time at home rehearsing handshakes, body language, the proper response to "hello" and "nice to meet you." We practiced many times to develop, refine and reinforce this habit. I made it fun and sometimes offered some small positive reward (not candy). We built on it. There was never any yelling or threats. As Ryan engaged with adults, they would often give him a giant surprised smile and offer compliments.?

I didn't expect that the positive feedback Ryan received from adults would become his primary motivation to continue and expand his conversational skills. On occasions when Ryan missed an opportunity to be respectful, we took the time to rehearse a little more at home.?

Ryan learned to present in public. Unafraid

?Early in my I.T. career a mentor remarked that my fear of presenting and public speaking was holding me back from achieving my stated goals. It hit me hard because I knew he was right. I worked diligently to change the way I thought about public speaking. It didn't happen overnight, but my career took off after conquering that fear. At Microsoft, I presented technology to internal audiences, customers, and corporate leaders at top global brands.

I wanted Ryan to develop this skill early. We started when he was ~5. I would make a simple PowerPoint and ask him present something (anything) to us. This wasn't silly time. He had to be serious, but we made it fun and encouraging. I gently coached him to enunciate, maintain eye contact with his 'audience,' and to smile. I would sometimes record then play it back to him. There were times I would ask him why he rolled his head around or why he shifted weight between legs rocking back and forth. He didn't think it was doing it. The recording provided a visual record for him to see what I was seeing. It created a self-awareness in him -- a mind-body connection.??

Presenting to me was something I asked him to do regularly. You don't establish a habit without repetition, nor good habits without proper feedback. I was extremely careful not to be critical or negative. At times it took some creative energy on my part to rephrase what I wanted to say in a positive manner. By doing so, it helped me develop my own interpersonal communication muscles.?

He controlled the narrative inside his head

Michael Gervais taught a particularly impactful professional development class at Microsoft. Michael is a performance psychologist who works with top athletes. His "Finding Mastery" course concentrates training the three things that you can control -- your body, your mind and your craft. It's that control of the mind, his thoughts, that I wanted Ryan to 'master’ early in life.

Top athletes have an extreme focus. It might be thought of as a type of positive tunnel vision to achieve the ideal outcome. It’s human to be distracted by a history of previous defeats, failures, current noise, pain, peers, jeers, and issues in your personal life. Top athletes overcome mental barriers that hold others back. It’s what gives them confidence. On Broadway it’s referred to as “being present.”

Ryan wasn’t the kid who craved attention or to be class clown. The first time Ryan went on stage was in pre-K. It was the entire class singing a couple simple songs in front of other classes. He cried and tried to walk off. The teacher had to stand next to him and hold his hand to keep him onstage.

To help Ryan become a leader of his thoughts, I encouraged him to share what he was thinking --- especially when I could read from his body language that something was wrong. Sharing what was going on inside his little head helped Ryan to become a great communicator and allowed me to offer alternate ways to resolve perceived obstacles. I helped him “reframe” his thoughts.

When Ryan asked what was going on inside his body when he felt tingling (butterflies) before presenting in front of class. I told him it was excitement from his body giving him the energy he needed for the presentation. He went into class presentations and school plays with a completely different attitude than others who interpreted that same feeling as fear.?

A head full of fears has no space for dreams. -- unattributed?

He was prepared.?

This isn't a given for the entertainment industry. That shocked me. I understand that kids and parents have hectic schedules, but so many times talented kids lose opportunities from a simple lack of knowing their lines in the audition. There is a hard, and soft, cost to missed opportunities. A good sales mentor taught that detailed preparation was more important than my long follow up emails. I have never forgotten that lesson. A wise (and famous) actor once shared that there isn't a whole lot you can control in this (entertainment) industry, except for your preparation. Come prepared.

He could read the room

Another memorable professional development course was learning to 'read the room.' I worked (mostly) in software sales roles and sometimes only got one meeting with a corporate leader per year. The stakes were high for me because my entire year, and career, may well depend on my ability to read the attendee’s feedback and understand the dynamic in the room.?

Feedback is given through facial expressions, body language and interaction among the meeting attendees talking amongst themselves. If you understand the feedback from the room, you can adjust ensure you are doing everything possible to make the best use of that meeting time. You should go into meetings knowing that sometimes people with the most power in the room are intentionally quiet.?

If I perceived that something wasn’t going well in the meeting, I could pause to ask questions, pivot from where I was headed in the conversation to somewhere that would be more beneficial to my customer.?

For an 11-year old, I kept it simple. If someone asks you a question with a serious face, answer them sincerely. If someone is smiling and kidding around with you, it's okay to use humor appropriately. It served him well in the final audition when he had to perform and answer questions from a room of 18 strangers. When 18 people are in a room, they tend to talk over one another. The participants intentionally created a little chaos to judge how Ryan would do under pressure. We didn’t expect that, but Ryan was prepared. Whenever there was confusion, he would stop, look directly at the Director and ask how he wanted it done. The Director slyly smiled and thanked Ryan for asking.?

They knew because…

Broadway opportunity is more than developing raw talent. How did the producers and talent experts know that Ryan was the one? They knew because it's their business to know who can present (perform) confidently, take instruction, pivot when asked, and possess the type of personality that Directors and Producers can work with. It’s a “spark.” It’s the tunnel vision of an athlete. It’s built from years of exercising interpersonal communication muscles. It’s the result of leadership within oneself and one’s own thought life.

Ryan went into the final audition with excitement. He told me he couldn’t wait to show them what he could do. How much better could our next interview be if we adopted a mindset like that??

Share wisdom wherever it is valued

We are all leaders in some way. Parents automatically become leaders. Sometimes we are leaders because we are a little farther in the journey than the people behind us. We mature through the collective wisdom of others. My career development was largely influenced by great mentors, dynamic corporate cultures, top-notch leadership and professional development programs.

Corporate or organizational boundaries should not limit our impact. Our sphere of influence radiates to wherever people are willing to listen. I participated as a coach in formal mentoring programs at work and as a volunteer to economically disadvantaged young people. Many bright minds don't have access to first class professional development training, but they could have access to you. Possessing raw intellectual talent is not enough to reach your potential. Coaching and mentoring interpersonal communication skills can be the positive catalyst for the next generation of leaders. Talent is equally distributed, but opportunity is not.

Embrace the opportunity to share wisdom to those that want to learn. Volunteer to coach and mentor.?

The next time you look for a job, consider an employer with a robust professional development program. Healthy corporate cultures value their employee's professional and personal growth. There are no Broadway or movie promises, but it can open doors and accelerate the journey for whoever is in your sphere of influence.?

Next up

Ryan’s journey to Broadway and film is full of people who generously shared kind words of encouragement and wisdom. I doubt most of them realized the impact they make on young people. They inspired my son to reach to new heights. I’ll share a few of those stories in the next article. I'm certain you'll smile when I reveal some of the names.

Ryan’s IMBD page

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm9561688