How I Took a Disconnected, Group and Connected Them in One Hour

It was a tough group. Walking into the room, I could already feel the tension. It felt like a surmounting challenge, but I was up for it. In this blog, I want to share with you exactly what I did, so you can try it with your group.

Belonging isn’t something we can teach through workshops or lectures. Creating inclusion and diversity, often buzzwords in today’s world, doesn’t come from merely talking about them. It’s not about theory—it’s about action. True belonging doesn’t stem from teaching about it; it’s something that’s caught, not taught. For students to care about school, for families to feel connected, or for workplaces to thrive, there must be a sense of belonging.

Belonging is Caught, Not Taught

So, how do we create belonging if we’re not teaching it? The key is understanding that we connect through emotion, not through information. While facts and processes are important, the initial connection is always emotional. Here is what I did with the group that was disconnected and divided, and within one hour, I was able to foster a sense of connection. I’d like to share that process with you today, so you can apply it in your own context.

But before we dive into the steps, let’s talk about one important aspect of belonging: addressing the “elephants in the room.” These are the feelings of being left out, feeling unwelcome, or being on the outside of the circle. These are some of our greatest fears, and we often dance around them using complicated theories and philosophies. But at the core, what people really want to know is, “When I walk into a room, do people see me? Do they understand me? Do I feel connected here?” This is what truly matters—not our titles, qualifications, or theories.

1. Start With Story

I always begin by telling a story because stories have the power to connect a room. In this case, I shared my personal experience of feeling on the outside. When I was a child, I was called “Connie Chunk” because of my weight, and that name followed me through school. It wasn’t until I took my first hip-hop class at 22 that I started to change the way I saw myself. Despite my fear of standing out, the encouragement of a classmate—who called me courageous—ignited something in me. That simple act of kindness changed my life and led me to start my own hip-hop dance studio, which helped at-risk youth in East Vancouver. This transformation wouldn’t have happened if someone hadn’t made me feel like I belonged.

When I share this story, others can relate. We’ve all been labeled, judged, or made to feel like outsiders at some point. And the labels we place on others can often become the expectations they live up to. That’s why it’s so important to recognize how we label ourselves and those around us, and to create an environment where people feel they belong.

2. Use These Three Questions to Connect the Room

As part of my process, I guide groups through a series of reflective questions. In this case, I asked participants to answer three questions using Post-it notes:

1. When I feel I don’t belong, I feel... People wrote down emotions like sadness, hurt, disconnection, and even emptiness. These feelings are universal. We’ve all felt them at some point.
2. When I feel I don’t belong, I think... Here, the participants shared the stories they tell themselves: “Everyone hates me,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I should just leave.” These thoughts are often automatic responses to feeling excluded.
3. When I feel I don’t belong, I act like... The behaviours ranged from withdrawing and pretending not to care to making jokes and masking their true feelings. This disconnect between emotions and actions can often lead to further isolation.

Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence

This exercise helps participants become more self-aware by connecting their emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. In this process, we are teaching emotional intelligence, which is a critical component in fostering belonging. When people recognize their own feelings and behaviours, they are better equipped to create environments where others can feel connected.

The goal was to increase the sense of belonging in this disconnected group. To visually represent the process, I wrote "Feelings," "Thoughts," and "Actions" on a board and invited participants to place their Post-it notes under each category. This process of self-reflection and sharing creates a moment of vulnerability, where individuals can recognize they are not alone in their feelings of exclusion.

3. Lead With Healthy Vulnerability

In our journey to foster genuine connection, one of the most powerful tools we have is vulnerability. When we lead with healthy vulnerability, we invite others to do the same, creating a space where everyone feels seen and heard. But how do we do this in a way that encourages people to open up without feeling exposed or uncomfortable?

4. Create A Brave Space for Sharing

At the heart of building connection is creating a brave space where people can feel safe enough to risk and share environment. In this workshop, I invited participants to anonymously share their struggles by writing them on Post-it notes. I invited those who were comfortable to come and put them on the board at the front. To create a brave space where people feel safe to risk, they need to have a choice. They also need to be able to share in a way that doesn't expose them. Giving them all post it notes kept them anonyomous, and giving them a choice if they wanted to put theirs up on the board gave them agency.

As I read aloud the ones that were on the board, I asked the group how many could relate. Every single hand went up. In that moment, the room was united by a shared experience of vulnerability.

This exercise illustrated a crucial point: we all have more in common than we think, regardless of our differences. While we may not need to become best friends with everyone we meet, we can cultivate mutual respect by acknowledging our shared human experience.

5. Take a Strength-Based Focus

While it's important to acknowledge our challenges, we must also highlight our strengths. After we identified common struggles, I encouraged participants to think about what makes them feel they belong. I asked, "What is strong about you? What makes you feel like you belong?" This shift from focusing on struggles to emphasizing strengths is crucial in any team or community setting. It allows individuals to see themselves not as burdens, but as contributors.

6. Empower People to Own the Culture

When we focus on what’s strong in us rather than what’s wrong, we cultivate a culture of resilience and connection that leads to social responsibility and ownership.

At the end of the session, I left participants with one final question: "What do you want to create?" They had just discovered their common struggles and strengths—now it was time for them to take ownership of the culture they wanted to build.

As leaders, parents, or educators, we don’t need to dictate the values of diversity and inclusion. Instead, we must create environments where people naturally gravitate toward these values because they’ve experienced genuine connection.

Belonging is more than a feeling—it’s a powerful force that drives vision, goals, and culture. As we continue in this year of connection, I invite you to use the tools I’ve shared to foster belonging in your own circles, whether at work, school, or home. When people feel like they belong, they’re more motivated to contribute, and that creates a ripple effect of positivity and growth.

Join the Bravely Connected Movement

As I approach my 50th birthday in November, I’m excited to launch the Bravely Connected Foundation. This foundation will support schools, focusing on emotional intelligence, mental wellness, and relational health. My goal is to ensure that no student is left behind, especially those who may feel unseen or unheard.

I invite you to join me in this mission. We’ve launched a GoFundMe campaign to get things started, and I’m asking for your support—not for me, but for the students in my community who need it most. Let’s work together to create a world where every child knows they belong.

Let’s stay bravely connected, and remember: Everyone around you today just wants to know, Do you see me? Do I belong? Do I matter? And with your help, they can know the answer is a resounding yes.

Here's to staying bravely connected.