How I Tamed My Inner Critic: Simple Strategies informed by a Phenomenological Approach

I have a life companion. Should I call him companion? Maybe not! Let’s call him ‘my inner critic’ for now! My inner critic has been with me for a long period of time. From his perspective, he has good intentions for me. He doesn’t want me to be hurt – anticipating what may happen to me and alerting me for a response.

However, to make sure I stay within my comfort zone, my inner critic devises a unique strategy – which is amplifying my past failures, presenting limitations and future fears, and anchoring me steadfastly to my current ‘safe space’.

Sometimes, I try ignoring his opinions, comments, and criticisms by pretending he doesn’t exist, but this doesn’t stop him from knocking on my door of thoughts. He, most of time makes his presence felt, at the time I need less of him and his discouraging remarks.

I remember when I decided to setup my research methodology consulting business , instead of greeting me with excitement, he started showing me what could go wrong and how my life will be like if I fail. At that point that I realized I must do something to tame my inner critic. ?

Utilizing a phenomenological approach to tame my inner critic

A phenomenological approach is one of the qualitative research methods used to collect and analyze participants' experience of a phenomenon. This approach involves asking participants questions about their experience – creating a non-judgmental atmosphere for them to share what they have experienced, how they experienced the phenomenon, what they were thinking, how they acted and reacted, and how they coped with the experience and its consequences. By doing so, researchers (if informed by interpretative phenomenology) can make sense of participants’ experience.

With this approach in mind, I came up with the following strategies:

1.????Finding time to engage with your inner critic

What I have learned is that if you don’t address your inner critic’s concerns, he will come with the same issues at the time you need all your mental resources for focusing and acting to accomplish your goal. Further, he amplifies his discouraging remarks as you get closer to taking initiative, making a life-changing decision, securing an opportunity, or making a bold move.

The same way participants (in a phenomenological study) are given the chance to share their experience, I give my inner critic the chance to share his concerns. I create a time and space for him to share reasons why I shouldn’t do what I think is the right thing to do.

Here are some of the questions I ask my inner critic:

• How do you see me?
• What do you think about this plan or action?
• What concerns do you have?
• What are your fears?
• Why shouldn’t I take this action?
• What do you suggest I should do?

My inner critic may not have all the answers for me, but I give him the chance to air his opinions and lend him a listening ear. My role here is to collect and document any information that helps me to understand his perspective

2.????Making sense of the information gathered from your inner critic

The next strategy is to take time to review the information collected – extracting and summarizing meanings and main ideas. Because your role is to understand the issues your inner critic has raised, make sure your findings reflect what he has shared.

3.????Addressing what was found after interacting with your inner critic

The last strategy is to act based on what you’ve found. But before you make any move, you need to determine (1) which of the findings need immediate action, (2) which of them need positive affirmations to debunk them, and/or (3) which ones need to be overlooked.

For example, let’s assume you have been asked to be a keynote speaker of an event with an audience of 20,000 people. This will be the largest crowd you have ever presented to. Immediately after hearing this wonderful news, your inner critic shows up with its negative observations, comments, and suggestions such as “this crowd is too large for you”, “if it doesn’t go well, it will be end of your career”, “the crowd may be hostile to your views”, and “you won’t be able to complete the speech because the time is too short”.

By giving your inner critic the chance to present his concerns, you now can effectively counter his discouraging words by utilizing positive affirmations such as you can do it, your audience will love your speech, and the audience will be forgiving even if you make a mistake. After all, we are all humans. Another strategy is to adequately prepare for the opportunity. The more you prepare, the more confident you become - rejecting discouraging words from your inner critic.

You’re not alone! We all have and deal with our inner critic in some ways. Giving our inner critic the space to table their concerns and analyzing and addressing them accordingly will help to put our inner critics in check.

I hope the above strategies assist you as you work on taming your inner critic.

Thank you!

Philip Adu, PhD.

Source of the above illustration: Pixabay by John Hain

Philip Adu, PhD.