How I Stopped Collecting Business Cards and Started Building Real Connections

Before I was bad at networking, I was bad at being in the room at all.

My social anxiety wasn’t just discomfort—it dictated where I could physically be. It was so intense that it controlled where I could go, how I engaged with people, and whether I felt like I belonged in a space at all.

At 19, I was close to 400 pounds, and I couldn't fit in what felt like tiny university seats—the ones with those flimsy pull-out desks that were supposed to fold up over your lap but, in my reality, couldn’t go over my lap at all. It was embarrassing. So I learned to adapt—I’d sit at the very front or the very back, where there were normal chairs that didn’t remind me of what I already knew: that I didn’t fit in, quite literally.

On this particular day, I sat at the front. It was the first day of the course, and before class even started, I was already anxious. Then, out of nowhere, the professor looked at me and, in front of at least 150 undergrads, asked, "Are you special needs?"

I don’t know what led to her assessment or why she thought it was okay to say it so loudly from the front of the class. But I do know what happened next: I heard snickers and giggles from behind me. And something inside me broke.

I no longer felt like an equal to my classmates. I felt like, just by existing, I somehow gave off the impression that I wasn’t capable.

That moment set the stage for how uneasy I felt in large groups. I carried it with me, even years later. The fear of standing out, of being judged before I even spoke, was impossible to shake.

What made it worse was that I had already been struggling. As I’ve written before, I have dyscalculia, a learning disability that affects my ability to process numbers. But when I went to university, I deliberately chose not to disclose my diagnosis. I had experienced relentless bullying in grade school and high school, and I wanted a fresh start. I wanted to prove to myself that I belonged there, that I didn’t need accommodations, that I could figure it out on my own.

I chose my major—social work and sociology—because I knew I was good at building relationships and connecting with people. I was good at making room for others and helping them feel seen and heard. I wanted to hone that skill. (though statistics remains a series of courses at the bane of my existence). But that singular experience—being called out in front of my peers—made me shrink.

I didn’t attend Frosh Week. I didn’t make friends. I could barely make it to class. And when I did, I was so worried about what people thought of me that I couldn’t listen, or learn, or absorb.

I ended up on academic probation multiple times in my undergrad. I always worked my way out of it, but confidence? That was something I had in very short supply.

From Avoiding Conversations to Drowning in Them

Fast forward a few years, and you’d think I had conquered it. After all, I had found my way into the world of entrepreneurship and economic development, where networking is everything. Just because I had forced myself into networking events though, didn’t mean I was actually good at them.

Networking in my early career was still anxiety-inducing, but I could hide behind my title. My role gave me something to say, something external to latch onto. And as long as I had that, the social anxiety couldn’t affect me as much.

But that doesn’t mean I was effective at networking. In fact, I was completely missing the point.

Like anything, you don’t know what you don’t know until you learn a better way.

The Early Struggles

Early in my career, I was terrible at networking.

I thought the whole point of a networking event was to meet as many people as possible, shake a hundred hands, and leave with a fat stack of business cards.

I wasn’t networking—I was treating it like Pokémon. Gotta catch ‘em all.

The problem? In networking, if you aren’t building value in those introductions, those cards are just names. And you better believe that calling on them out of nowhere, with very little context or connection, was almost always a recipe for getting absolutely nothing done.

Fewer Conversations, More Depth

Over time, I tried to pay attention to people I saw as "super connectors" in my community. I started to notice something. The people who were really good at networking (like Yvonne Pilon , and Frank Abbruzzese ) weren’t rushing around trying to meet everyone. They were the ones locked into deep, engaged conversations with just a handful of people.

So I made a shift. Instead of trying to meet everyone, I started focusing on having just a few meaningful conversations per event—ones where I actually remembered people’s names, stories, and what mattered to them.

And suddenly, networking started working.

At some point, I came across the FORD Method in a Forbes article. It was simple:

• Family
• Occupation
• Recreation
• Dreams

For years, I thought it was brilliant. It gave me a framework—something to focus on so I wasn’t just stuck in the “So… what do you do?” loop.

But something still felt off.

Dreams? Not everyone wants to talk about those. In fact, I realized that not everyone has a clearly defined dream they want to share with a stranger. Sometimes, it felt too personal, too abstract, or just irrelevant to the conversation. And when I stuck to the structure too rigidly, it felt more like checking off boxes than actually listening to someone. Instead of building real connections, I was guiding conversations toward predictable, surface-level answers that didn’t always lead anywhere.

I wanted something more flexible—something that allowed conversations to flow naturally while still helping me get to know the person, not just their job title. So in 2023, I started experimenting with my own method—one that focused on depth, curiosity, and actually understanding the person in front of me.

That’s when I landed on BUILD.

The BUILD Method: A Better Way to Have Meaningful Conversations

I’ve also put together a free resource filled with questions under each of these areas of focus—ones that I’ve found helpful when I’m stuck. You can grab it below.

The goal of BUILD is simple: help you move past surface-level networking and into real, valuable conversations—the kind that lead to lasting connections, opportunities, and insights.

Each letter gives you an area to focus on, without feeling like a checklist:

• B – Background (Understanding their journey beyond their job title)
• U – Understanding (Gaining their perspective on challenges and opportunities)
• I – Impact (Learning what they care about and why their work matters)
• L – Lessons (Discovering their hard-earned insights and experiences)
• D – Direction (Exploring what’s ahead and where opportunities exist)

Why BUILD Works

The best thing about BUILD is that it removes the pressure of networking. It shifts the focus from ‘what can I get from this interaction?’ to ‘what can I learn from this person?’ That small shift changes everything—because the best relationships aren’t built on transactions, they’re built on trust.

What makes BUILD so powerful isn’t just its networking potential—it’s how it has reshaped the way I cultivate meaningful, high-quality relationships across every facet of my career.

Relationships are at the heart of everything I do. Whether I’m working with startup founders, moderating panels, hosting podcast interviews, or bridging connections across ecosystems, BUILD has become more than a tool—it’s a mindset.

By embracing BUILD, I’ve learned to turn everyday conversations into opportunities for learning and deeper connection. It’s no longer about collecting business cards—it’s about building relationships that lead to real collaborations, lasting partnerships, and unexpected opportunities. Through a little intentionality, BUILD has become second nature, guiding the way I engage with the world.

The Questions—A Standalone Resource

[Download the BUILD Networking Questions HERE]

Try BUILD for Yourself

Next time you’re at an event, slow down. Instead of racing to meet as many people as possible, focus on a handful of meaningful conversations. Be present. Listen more than you speak. Ask the kind of questions that invite real answers.

And when you do that, you’ll realize that the best connections aren’t found in a stack of business cards—they’re built one real conversation at a time.