How I started valuing myself and my choices

Do you limit your self-expression because you’re afraid of what others will think of you? Many of us do this and end up feeling unseen, unrecognized and unfulfilled.?

Let me ask you a question - Who do you think REALLY cares about YOU??

If you’re lucky in life, there’s a handful of people who really care about you and they will be with you through thick and thin. Everyone else you can afford to lose; you never had them in the first place!?

In the absolute sense, you don’t really ‘have’ anyone. You REALLY only have yourself. The only person that truly cares about your life is YOU. Not your friend, not your spouse, not your parents. The only person that has to live with the choices you make is YOU. And only YOU truly care about your dreams and aspirations. Everyone else will just pretend to get along until it’s convenient.??

I often share that the only way I can truly step into my work as a coach - bringing forth the highest expression of myself in service to unleashing others -? is by not putting all of my focus on others' opinion of me. I care about others and I care to hear what they think - but I try my best to not hold it in a higher or lower regard than my own thoughts. I would have never made the career transitions I did, from finance into marketing into product management into sustainability and coaching, if I kept caring about what others thought of me. I did ask myself? - does this next step feel true and aligned with my long term aspiration? Will this have a positive impact in the World? Can I support my family as I pursue this work??

I’ve realized that I don’t need to put others on a pedestal and I don’t need to put myself underneath one. If I place a greater value on others opinions than my own, I won’t say what feels true and that in turn feels like choking inside. I won’t really be doing anyone around me any favors. I will simply become a limited version of my potential expression. Do you sense how that would feel? Yuck! It feels like living a half life. Do I want to do that? Absolutely not!

At the same time, if I place too much weight on my own opinion, I risk becoming narcissistic, self-righteous and ego centered. That’s a great way to shut off growth as well and cause everyone to move away from you.?

If I was meant to learn something from a person or situation, it won’t happen. And if they need to learn something from me, that won’t happen either. Both of us stay stale in our growth.

Will I make some mistakes in this journey? I’m sure I will. We would never learn to walk if we stayed afraid of making mistakes. I choose to learn from my mistakes and apologize if needed. I accept that some folks will support me in my expression and others will judge me. It’s part of the journey. That’s how growth occurs. That’s how we learn to smooth out our edges. As long as we stay open to learning and improving.??

Now often folks worry - “If I stop caring about others' opinions, won’t I become rude?”. No, expressing your authentic self doesn’t mean you become disrespectful or angry. Often we have suppressed our expression for so long that it comes out in the form of anger but it need not be that way. This is where the ‘HOW’ comes in. How we express ourselves and how we react to others' expression of their truth matters. How we process our emotions matters.?

We all need to consistently learn to engage in healthy dialogue. When we engage in dialogue from a place of authenticity and curiosity i.e. what we hold to be true AND stay open to learning from others, we can honor ourselves while respecting a different point of view. We don’t need to make ourselves always right and we don’t need to make others always wrong.?

So remember, the only person that truly cares about your life is YOU.?

Take responsibility for your life, your aspirations and your dreams. Set aside all those other concerns and opinions that distract you.?

Ask yourself:?

• Where am I suppressing my expression at home?
• Where am I suppressing my expression at work??
• Where am I holding back in life and my mission??
• How can I cultivate healthy self-expression while continuing to learn?

Choose to take the path that’s authentic for you and you will be forever grateful that you lived your truth!