How I process disappointment

Having recently experienced some unexpected disappointment, I thought I’d share my thoughts on this topic and how I process it. ?It’s something I cover quite extensively in my corporate and school talks and resonates with audiences, given it’s an emotion we all encounter from time to time.

?To provide some context, I have had my fair share of setbacks and experienced crushing disappointment; from being rescued in the Indian Ocean, to more recently, suffering a technical problem with my boat and being forced to delay my sail around the world by nine months.

?Perspective - The first thing I always try to do is to put my disappointment into perspective. I have learnt over the years that there will always be someone facing much bigger problems than me. On the surface, having to delay the departure date for my round the world sail feels enormously disappointing from a personal perspective, as I’ve poured years of preparation and meticulous planning into it. However, it really is only a first world problem. Right now, there are unfortunate people in unstable regions whose homes have been bombed and loved ones lost. Closer to home, there are many in real financial difficulty struggling to keep themselves and their family afloat. So, although my set back is frustrating to me, when put into ‘real world’ perspective, it’s hardly a problem.

?Was it in my control – The second question I ask myself is “Did I do something that caused the problem?” “Was a lack of action or effort on my part the cause of the situation I’m disappointed about?”. If the answer is no, then I simply move on and cut it out of my mind.

?Good things come from disappointment – Next, I remind myself that something good will always come off the back of disappointment, you just don’t see it at the time. At least that has been the case for me in these situations. Personally, I do believe in the saying, “Things happen for a reason” it just takes a while for that reason to become apparent.

Keep moving – Everyone is different, but for me, if I begin to over-analyse and fixate, I can become frozen on an unhelpful roller coaster of negative self-talk. I find sticking to a routine, exercising and just generally doing something helps me get over disappointment and setbacks. This is very hard to do when you don’t fee like it, however I have found that discipline will get you through most things in life.

Learn from it – Even if your disappointment is caused by something that you have absolutely no control over, there will almost always be a take-away lesson that you can learn from. I learnt the hard way that you should always qualify an opportunity by asking the right questions. During my preparations to fly around the world, I found myself in a situation which was too good to be true; someone agreed to fully fund the purchase of my aircraft! At the time, I got carried away in my excitement and immediately ordered the aircraft without securing the funding into my account first. To cut a long story short, the funds never arrived, and I was unable to pay for it. I learned my lesson and now always make sure I ask the right questions when something seems too good to be true.

And finally…. Stay positive No matter how disappointed I am, I try not to let it become all-consuming. We all know people who see the negative in everything, I believe that being positive is a choice. Being too positive will almost never harm you, but negative energy is like an anchor that gets heavier dragging you down.

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