How I Overcame My Fear of Losing in Life

My first emotional experience with a solid failure was the time when I could not clear a desired engineering entrance exam after my high school. I felt bad but it was my father who was devastated.

I have been losing on and off but at the same time, I have also been experiencing some powerful wins. Both Losing and Winning are two wheels of a cycle called Life! It is important to strike a balance between the two and derive learnings from both wheels to enjoy the ride of life.

 My Epic Losing Moments:

·      Not getting admission in my dream management institute

·      Not clearing the interview round in my dream company during campus placement days

·      Losing an opportunity to understand my role in HR during my first job therefore left core HR line and joined a different stream

·      Failed interviews of multiple job opportunities in most desired organisations during my career

·      In fact, the most recent one in 2018, I thought that I had lost an opportunity to succeed in the first year of the Indo-Japan project which I am currently handling.

Losing has become an integral part of my life.

However, when I analyze people around me, I realize everyone has been losing and winning. I don’t need to quote famous examples from our history about successful people losing for years before finding any meaningful win. Social media platforms are full of such stories. Go and do your own research around such examples.

Lots of young student have been scared of losing out to the current opportunities and at the same time they are also scared that they would lose continuously in future as well. I have also observed people with substantial experience fearing their failures. They are scared from economic down-turns, less job opportunities, bad bosses, low profits, young millennials bringing hyper energy and new ideas to work etc.

I could not get enough time in the early part of my career to reflect on my feeling of losing. However, since 2013 when I started my entrepreneurial journey I got enough opportunity for such reflections. I read and did my own research on losing. I discussed with people who have been successful and had much more experience than I did.

I learnt tremendously about losing from my own life and from others as well.

Some wisdom on losing that I gathered over the years:

·      Losing is part of the Game:  Life has more losing than winning moments. Please understand, whenever you try something for the first time there are very high chances of failures. You must give your best shot with full confidence.

·      Don’t Be scared: It does not help if you get bogged down every time you meet failure. It will probably push you towards not taking enough chances. Therefore, don’t be scared and take your chances.

·      Learn your lessons: With each failure, you end up learning a lesson. Learn the lesson and take your next chance with double the confidence. It will strengthen your mindset for taking up new tasks/risks in the future and wire your brain to handle losses as learning shots and boost your confidence of taking things head on.

·      Reflection: Every time I lose, I take two steps.

• As the 1st step, I sit quietly and bluntly analyze what went wrong. I clearly spell out (absolutely clear, guys) my mistakes so that I don’t repeat them again.
• In the 2nd step, I dissect my failures with my team members, I brainstorm and spell out the mistakes loudly with emotions attached to them. I encourage my team members to give me blunt feedback. 2nd step is very crucial as it helps me imprint my mistakes in my head so that I don’t repeat the same.

·      Pay attention: Listen closely, listen to everyone who matters and have a stake in your success, your mentors, your customers, your seniors, your HR. You might be angry with the situation; however, you need to listen to the feedback with a pinch of salt. The key lies in listening and improving.

·      Passion: After each failure, your next project should be around something you are passionate about. Passion brings energy, emotion and new ideas. Passion always remains undefeated. Run after Excellence and money/fame will follow you.

·      Your inner circle: Find the right people in your inner circle. In this circle, you should be able to discuss the issues around your failures. You should be able to discuss both emotional and financial matters. It will put an ease to your anxiety.

·      Mentors: The Role of a Mentor has always been undervalued. Find at least one good mentor and you will see many perspectives which you would otherwise fail to see alone.

Everything in life is about balancing. Balance your thoughts around losing. It will help you in getting good perspective around it.

Till next time, take risk and fall in love with your failures.

Because you have to own up to your failures because your success lies behind them.

Love & Respect,

Nikhil Singh

NDIM

India Centre for Global Excellence

International Skills Centre India

Think HR India