How I overcame "hating" being a parent.

Trigger warning!?

My journey as a father.?

As some of you know, I have two amazing little humans. Alayna 3 and Beau 2.?

I want to share this story with you because I hope that one day it will either help a fellow father or assist a mother in understanding how her partner may be feeling.??

Let’s start at the beginning. My now wife and I had only been dating for 3 months before we found out we were pregnant. We were so excited. Yes, we had only been together for a short period, but we both thought we could do it.?

Our pregnancy was great at the beginning but got worse as it went along. My wife started showing signs of preeclampsia, and we ended up sending a lot of time in the hospital.?

After a long few months, it was time! The birth went well.

Alayna come home after a number of days at the hospital, and things were going well. I was coping well. I was happily helping my wife and being a great first-time dad.?

Everything was going great for a number of months then we found out it was time for number two.?

Fast forward 9 months and Beau was born.?

This is when I started to drop the ball as a parent. My mental health started to suffer. To be honest, I was getting depressed. The worst part was I didn’t realise how I was acting. I started spending more time at work, not wanting to spend time wife and hated anything to do with the kids. Oh, and I started eating A LOT.?

For about 2, maybe 3 months, it was like my wife was a single parent. I hated the way this made me feel, but whatever I did, I couldn’t change how I felt.?

I realised things were bad when my wife said I either start behaving better or she would leave me. I think at one point, she even kicked me out of the house.?

To put more context into the picture, I had always wanted to be a dad. I had always wanted to have kids and be the best father anyone could ever ask for. So, I was shocked as to why I felt so negative towards my kids.?

Once my wife pointed out my behaviour was crap and she wanted to leave me, that was a big kick in the guts. My mother and father broke up when I was around 2 so I understood what it was like for a child to grow up without their father. This is not something I never wanted my kids to go through.

I started to look into parenting courses and trying to learn to be a better parent. The first course I did was Cycle Of Security. This course was good because it helped me understand why my kids acted the way they do. It also helped me understand their feeling and emotions.?

So, I had completed that course and was still struggling. I was definitely better but still wasn’t where I wanted to be.?

I started looking for a parenting counsellor to help me unload what was really going on. These sessions were hard as we went into a lot of trauma and core values, but that is what I needed.

To add to this, my wife and I both went and saw a counsellor together. This was amazing, I thought, as it assisted us to work better as not just parents but as a couple.?

After about 3 months, I was finally on the right track!??I started spending more time with my family and I was actually enjoying it. Yes I still struggled with some things but I was 100 times better than I was.?

Without all of the professional support, I would not be where I am today, nor would I still be happily married and enjoying life with my kids.??

I know that a lot of dads feel the way that I felt. I understand that becoming a parent is a huge life change that can be hard but trust me when I say this, if you are struggling, reach out for support. It can save your relationship with not only your kids but also your loved one.?

There are still days I hate being a parent, but they are nowhere near as frequent and now my wife and I both know what to do on these days.?

Now before I finish, I want to add in there the importance of working with your loved one is. I know a lot of people say this but take it from someone who, without my wife I would not be here nor be a great father. As mentioned above, when I am having a bad day, my wife is the first person I go to, Whenever the kids do my head in, my wife is the first person I go to. A healthy relationship with your partner makes being a parent easier!?

If you need any ongoing support with being a parent, please reach out to IFYS or Relationship Aus as they are going to help or even me! I am happy to give advice.??