How I messed up: trivializing the gravity

Part 7 of the "How I messed up" series where I walk you through a mistake I made in detail ??

When work stresses you out, it’s good to put things in perspective.

“The patient’s not gonna die.”

This was the mantra I held while working at an animal rescue (a place that faces mortality every day). My work did not involve caring for animals directly. I worked at the admin office, managing social media, organizing events, fixing bugs in the animal shelter management database, opening a thrift store, opening an animal hospital…

…and then I was appointed as the interim manager of said animal hospital.

Well… this mantra wasn’t going to cut it anymore. Sure, I’m not a veterinarian. But managing an animal hospital means that my decisions and actions can eventually lead to a patient’s death.

Pets are family to many, and if a family member’s health is in jeopardy, I understand how distressing it can be, let alone the grieving of a family member (22 years after my family cat’s passing, I’m not ‘over it’ by any means). So… interactions around mortality are emotionally charged to say the least.

About half a year later…

I changed jobs from an animal care environment to a university environment. Initially, I took a huge sigh of relief because my job was not life-or-death adjacent. But over time, I started to feel the gravity again. I hung onto the mantra again.

“The patient’s not gonna die.”

Still, as someone in charge of program admissions and academic advising, I’m delivering news that would potentially drastically affect someone’s life trajectory — telling students that they were not admitted into the program or that they were not eligible for graduation. As you might expect, some of these interactions were emotionally charged (cue animal hospital flashbacks).

Another 5 years later…

After flying back to Japan, I started offering English and Japanese language tutoring services as a bridging job (while slowly working on my career coaching endeavor). This teaching job has been a lot more enjoyable than I thought because I have the potential to make a great positive impact in a low-stakes environment. People aren’t coming to me — an English/Japanese tutor — with the demeanor of a caretaker of a sick or injured animal or a student who couldn’t get into their desired program or didn’t graduate on time. Now I have the emotional capacity to enjoy what I do because I’m not worrying about getting shot as the messenger again.

The career mistake was not acknowledging that I was working in a high-stakes environment (twice!) by hiding it behind my mantra.

“The patient’s not gonna die.”

Even if that’s true with the work you’re doing, if you feel increasingly heavy or worn out from the pressure and gravity, you need to rest. And if you feel like you’re not rejuvenated after a long break (or if you’re terrified of taking breaks because of the backlog), don’t hesitate to ask for help.1 Putting things into perspective is not the same as neglecting your feelings.

Thank you for reading the 11th issue of “Career Mistakes to Avoid” and part 7 of the “How I messed up” series! Do you have moments when you realize you didn’t give yourself enough credit for the weight you took on?

Also available on my Substack!