How I messed up: Not stopping to check in with myself

Part 6 of the "How I messed up" series where I walk you through a mistake I made in detail ??

Over time (and through mistakes), I realized that not stopping is important in some aspects (e.g., not stopping the job search entirely when I didn’t land a role that was suitable for me, not hesitating to ask for professional help when I need it), but stopping is vitally important in other aspects.

Stopping to check in with yourself is a strategy I learned approximately 10 years after I entered the workforce (again, better late than never). When I didn’t stop and take time to myself to think, I made these mistakes:

• Accepting job offers for roles that I was not suited for — multiple times
• Growing in ways that weren’t relevant to the future I wanted to build
• Refusing to acknowledge that I was breaking rather than growing (just like how pulling a muscle and stretching are not the same)
• Failing to recognize that I was living to satisfy someone else’s narrative

Some questions I ask when I check in with myself include:

• Do I feel drained or energized?
• Do I look forward to waking up tomorrow?
• (If I’m not looking forward to waking up tomorrow) What is the reason behind my dread?
• Am I growing in a way that I want to?
• Am I working towards satisfying someone else’s narrative? Am I straying away from my sense of fulfillment?
• Am I enjoying this? Is this fun?
• There’s most likely (if not always) an aspect of this lifestyle that I dislike. Am I willing to endure that? Is the suffering worth it?
• Am I overthinking or am I being gaslighted?

One of the things I do right now is English and Japanese tutoring (mostly online, sometimes in person). I’m finding a surprising amount of joy and fulfillment because I’m helping someone do their job better through the lessons I provide. For example, I created custom lessons for a curator holding an art exhibition overseas, and for an administrative staff member at a large university who frequently interfaces with international students and faculty members. I hope I can continue helping people advance their careers this way.

Thank you for reading the 10th issue of “Career Mistakes to Avoid” and part 6 of the “How I messed up” series! Do you check in with yourself regularly? What are some questions you ask yourself?

Also available on Substack!