How I messed up: Not seeking professional help early on

Part 5 of the "How I messed up" series where I walk you through a mistake I made in detail ??

In the past several issues, you’ve probably noticed a trend: many of my mistakes had an underlying problem — I had very little self-worth. The lack of self-worth contributed to bombing the interview for my first full-time job, and this is how it affected my career (and life) trajectory:

• Low-balling in salary negotiations
• Saying yes to opportunities that were not suitable for me
• Not setting and reinforcing boundaries, which led to getting text messages and phone calls on my off time and vacations
• Becoming vulnerable to gaslighting (and self-gaslighting), thinking that I’m silly making a big deal out of trivial things
• Developing the “Sunday Scaries” and the “Vacation Scaries” [1]
• Dreading 1-1 meetings with my supervisor (“Is it me that’s getting yelled at this time!?”) [2]

Even after I landed a wonderful role, I still carried the emotional burden from years back.

With the unwavering support of my then-boyfriend (and now-husband), I slowly started rebuilding my sense of self-worth and reached a point where I thought to myself, “Huh… maybe investing in my own well-being is worth it.” Finally, I started regularly seeing a psychological counselor (at least eight years later than I should have, but better late than never!). [3] That was one of the best decisions I made in my life. If you happen to be in a similar situation as mine, I strongly encourage you not to wait as long as I did!

I also took advantage of my work’s benefits and had a series of coaching sessions (as a client). Through the sessions, I thought it would be great if I could also help others in a similar situation as mine, which led to the idea of starting my own coaching practice. [4]

Thank you for reading the 9th issue of “Career Mistakes to Avoid” and part 5 of the “How I messed up” series! Also available on Substack.

[1] The “Sunday Scaries” are the anxieties for the coming workweek manifesting on Sunday nights (although for me, they started creeping up on Sunday mornings and Saturday evenings). I made the word “Vacation Scaries” up — it’s the same as the Sunday Scaries, but instead of Sundays, the overwhelming dread says hello during vacation (and sometimes even before I take vacation). I found it very challenging to relax during a vacation, especially if it’s a staycation (remember the pandemic when we couldn’t travel?).

[2] I never really got yelled at before, but I heard from my colleagues who did. I saw my colleagues get berated (publicly) a few times. The horror stuck with me. I’m still horrified.

[3] Psychotherapists are people too and not everyone is the same. You might need to meet multiple therapists to figure out whose style matches yours (for example, do you like someone who validates your feelings? Or do you like someone who challenges you?), but I think the trial and error is worth it.

[4] Learn more about my coaching at candice-n-mcgowan.carrd.co.