How I learned to stop sweating the ‘small stuff’
Jen Fisher
The Wellbeing Team | Chief Wellbeing Officer | Bestselling Author ?? | TEDx/Speaker ?? | The WorkWell Podcast? ?? | Wellbeing Intelligence | Human Sustainability ??
I’ve lived in Miami long enough not to freak out when the forecasters say we’re expecting a hurricane. But when Hurricane Irma was on its way last September, I became slightly unhinged. Okay, maybe more than “slightly.” I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t focus, couldn’t do anything remotely useful. I just paced around my condo, nonstop. Finally my husband called my best friend and said, “You have to talk to Jen because she’s behaving like a caged animal.”
“Caged animal” is not how people usually describe me. I like to think I’m pretty zen most times—I meditate and I exercise. And I spend my days urging my colleagues to incorporate more of that into their lives. “Well-being” is in my job title!
So what sent me off the rails?
My husband and I looked for clues, but nothing extraordinary had happened to me in the weeks before the hurricane arrived. I wasn’t under any significant stress. Since we couldn’t figure out what caused it, we couldn’t make it go away. Eventually the storm passed and so did my stress.
And then we realized: the hurricane was the first stressor since a rather extended period of stress that had ended ten months earlier, when I completed my treatment for breast cancer.
I had some unfinished business built up in me, some stress I hadn’t dealt with in the many months of treatment—when I did my best to convey an “I’ve got this” attitude. It was my body, after all, so somehow I felt like I was in control. But the hurricane—I had zero control over that. And I freaked.
My husband hit the nail on the head when he said, “You went through nine months of cancer treatment like a rock star, and that cancer could have killed you. This hurricane is just inconvenient.”
Yep, my response made absolutely no sense. Except if you know about something scientists call the Region Beta Paradox.
I discovered it post-hurricane when I was searching for explanations. When bad things happen, they cross a threshold and trigger mechanisms that help us cope. But the smaller stressors often don’t push us over that threshold. For instance, you can cope with delivering a very important project for a high-profile client, but when your local coffee shop messes up your latte order, you blow up.
We can’t always prevent those explosions before they happen. But what we can do is try to understand why we do it, and be more forgiving to ourselves and others.
That was the lesson that I learned. Just because I had battled cancer doesn’t mean that I am immune to smaller stressors. And I shouldn’t give myself a hard time for “sweating the small stuff”.
So when you see someone blow up at a barista because their coffee order is wrong, remember that stress does not follow rules, and our response to it isn’t always rational. So be gentle with yourself—and with the people in your life, too.
Originally posted on Thrive Global.
Managing Director at Deloitte LLP (retired)
6 年Great article, Jen. Words to live by.
Great article, thank you for sharing with so much honesty and vulnerability. This really resonates with me, people used to tell me that I was great at dealing with the big stuff (work pressure, kids issues, divorce ...) and paradoxically I seemed pretty rubbish at dealing with the little things like the boiler breaking down ! What really created a shift for me is mindfulness and meditation. Little practices everyday allow me to release the valve of the pressure cooker when needed.
Growth strategy consultant for global healthcare innovators
6 年Great post. A lot of times we need to stop and ask “what’s this really about” both for ourselves and others.
Senior Consultant & Practice Lead for Well-Being at Zircon | Business Psychologist | Leadership & Performance Coach | Hypnotherapy Expert
6 年Really insightful Jennifer - thanks for sharing!!
Senior Manager & Portfolio Leader - US Tax Legislation at Deloitte
6 年I love this and really identify with this article. I?had back to back?unexpected things?happen this summer, car troubles, each member of my family getting sick, unexpected repairs to our house, getting stuck?while traveling internationally with my family, credit card fraud - something else every single day.?It really hit me for a loop. I learned to ride it out, take every day at a time, and ask friends for help.