How I Learned to Network as an Introvert (Without Losing My Mind): Actionable Steps You Can Take Today

I used to dread networking.

The idea of walking into a room full of strangers made my palms sweat.

I’d rehearse elevator pitches in my head, only to freeze when someone asked, “So, what do you do?”

Then I realized something: my introversion wasn’t a weakness, it was my secret weapon.

Here’s the story of what changed everything for me.

The Day I Stopped Collecting Business Cards

Nine years ago, I kinda forced myself to attend a 300-person tech conference. To add a bit more tension, I applied to be a speaker (and won), but that's another story.

I left with 73 business cards and zero real connections. That night, I vowed to try a different approach.

After I got back home, I wanted to try something, and that was when I started thinking about LinkedIn in a very different way.

Instead of mass-connecting, I started sending one personalized LinkedIn request daily.

That's it. No more, no less, but be consistent.

In one of my first attempts, I wrote: “Hi Maria, your post about AI in education gave me goosebumps. As a corporate engineer transitioning into becoming a startup founder, I’d love to hear how you approach stakeholder buy-in.”

She replied in 12 minutes. We were meeting next Tuesday.

My “Two-Question” Rule That Built Real Relationships

Small talk drains me.

I always feel I waste precious time. Even I know in some cases it can be useful.

So I created a cheat sheet with two questions I genuinely care about:

1. “What’s a project that’s making you lose track of time right now?”
2. “What’s one skill you wish you’d learned earlier in your career?”

At a recent webinar breakout room, I asked question #2 to a quiet developer.

Twenty minutes later, we were diagramming his machine-learning workflow on a miro board.

He’s now my go-to sounding board for technical roadblocks while we are developing the Event Butler.

How I Network Online

I do value face-to-face meetings, but even if I get over the social anxiety part, still it takes a lot of time and effort.

In those early days, I commented on a CTO’s post about burnout that really resonated with me:

“This is golden. I’ve found scheduling ‘fake meetings’ to block focus time helps, but I still struggle with after-hours Slack anxiety. How do you handle boundary-setting with your team?”

(For context: What I was doing in my corporate job was often putting meetings in my calendar, even booking a meeting room to go there alone and work.)

We were going back and forth in the comments.

A couple of days later, she shared my comment in her newsletter.

I gained 46 relevant connections without putting on pants.

The 11-Minute Hack That Saved My Career

After any interaction, even a small one, I need to recharge.

Here’s my ritual:

1. I set a timer for 11 minutes (exact time matters—it tricks my brain)
2. Do something that fills my cup: go for a short walk, sketch UI ideas, or sip a coffee and watch a YouTube video about an Elden Ring build in silence.

A month ago, I left a virtual roundtable early to do this.

When I came back refreshed, I messaged the host: 'I loved your point about [X]. I've been experimenting with [Y]. Would you be interested in having a virtual coffee to discuss this further?

We’re now collaborating on a workshop.

What was different?

It didn't feel pushy or sleazy. It was genuine and honest.

When my brain is exhausted, or unfocused I just want to get over with it and ask something.

Your Turn (Pick ONE)

If 29-year-old me could network effectively, so can you. Try this today:

• Reach out to 1 person about something specific they’ve worked on
• Comment on a post with a personal insight + question
• Schedule recharge time after your next meeting

I’ll go first: I just booked a 15-minute call with a content designer who’s navigating a career pivot to AI (my current obsession).

Your move. ??

P.S. DM me if you want to share your story, I read every message (but might take 2 days to reply… because introvert).