How I Learned to Embrace Directness

Seven years ago, I married Brian, and he moved to Cincinnati with me. As a Midwest native, I had always prided myself on being polite and avoiding conflict. “Midwest nice” wasn’t just a phrase; it was a way of life. I believed in keeping the peace, softening feedback, and finding ways to say something without actually saying it.

Brian, on the other hand, was cut from a different cloth. Growing up in Philadelphia, his communication style was direct, efficient, and unapologetic. He didn’t sugarcoat things. He said what he meant, clearly and without hesitation, and he expected others to do the same.

At first, I struggled to understand his approach. In meetings, I thought he was being too blunt, maybe even harsh. I worried that his directness would ruffle feathers, especially in the Midwest, where we pride ourselves on niceties and avoiding discomfort.

But then I started paying attention to what happened after his meetings. Decisions were made faster. Problems were solved quickly. And, most importantly, people knew exactly where he stood—even when he wasn’t in the room.

The Turning Point

It hit me during one of my own meetings. I’d spent 20 minutes carefully choosing my words to provide feedback in the most inoffensive way possible. But instead of clarity, the conversation spiraled into confusion. No one understood what I was asking for, and I left the room frustrated.

That night, I vented to Brian about how hard it was to get people on the same page. He didn’t lecture me. Instead, he asked one simple question: “Did you tell them exactly what you needed?”

I hadn’t. I was so busy trying to be nice that I forgot to be clear.

Directness Isn’t Mean; It’s Respectful

Over time, I began to follow his lead. I stopped tiptoeing around tough conversations and started saying exactly what I meant. What I discovered was freeing: being direct isn’t mean—it’s respectful. It respects people’s time, their ability to handle feedback, and their right to know where they stand.

The truth is, work is professional, not personal. That line matters. We owe it to our colleagues to tell the truth, even when it might make them feel uncomfortable. Avoiding the hard thing doesn’t spare anyone’s feelings; it just delays the inevitable and wastes everyone’s time.

What I’ve Learned

Here’s what I’ve taken away from marrying Brian and learning from his style of communication:

1. People Should Know What You Want When You’re Not in the Room

If you’re clear and direct, there’s no room for misinterpretation. Your expectations are understood, and the team can move forward with confidence.

2. Telling the Truth Is More Important Than Avoiding Discomfort

Feedback isn’t about making someone feel bad—it’s about helping them grow or getting the work done better. Honest conversations may feel tough in the moment, but they build trust in the long run.

3. Midwest Nice Doesn’t Serve Professional Goals

Politeness has its place, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of clarity or results. There’s a time to be warm and accommodating, and there’s a time to be direct.

4. Clarity Saves Time and Frustration

The more direct you are, the less time you spend clarifying, rehashing, or dealing with missed expectations.

5. Respect the Line Between Work and Home

Work is not personal, and it’s okay to approach it with a focus on outcomes. Keep the warmth for your personal life, and let your professional relationships thrive on clarity and mutual respect.

Growing Through Directness

Since I’ve embraced directness, I’ve seen a remarkable shift in my work. My meetings are more productive, my team is more aligned, and my company is growing faster than ever. I’ve learned that being honest and clear doesn’t mean being unkind—it means valuing the work enough to do it right.

Marrying Brian taught me a lot about partnership and perspective. But it also taught me a lesson I didn’t know I needed: directness isn’t just an East Coast thing. It’s a key ingredient for success, no matter where you are.

So if you’ve been holding back in meetings or softening your words to avoid discomfort, take it from me—it’s time to speak up. Your team, your goals, and your future self will thank you.