How I killed my career

And found what I’m good at

“I’ve had enough!” I said to myself. I wanted to protect the team. We were under enough pressure as it was without pandering to my boss’s ego and taking on this ridiculous idea.

That’s what I told myself as I confidently strode up the stairs to see his boss, the group marketing director.

Ten minutes later, my case made and won, I descended those same stairs feeling rather happy with myself.

He was told that his idea wasn’t a good use of time or resources and to do something else. Truth be told, I did feel a bit bad going behind is back, but for the greater good of the team and the organisation I thought it was the right thing to do.

What I didn’t know at that point, was that I effectively made myself unemployed and killed my corporate career. The mistake I had just made would see me lose my job six months later in circumstances I could not have predicted.

The rules of the game

Feel free to call me na?ve, but in middle management, most of the time it doesn’t matter whether your idea is right or wrong, it matters whether you play the rules of the game.

In his book, Empowering Yourself – The Organisational Game Revealed, Harvey J. Coleman lists ten unwritten rules for the game of career success. Number eight is “whoever is at the top has the right to make the rules.” Whether you and I like it or not, that’s the case.

My idea saved the company money, reduced the stress and pressure my team was facing and allowed us time to focus on more beneficial work. That didn’t matter. What I had done was to forget the psychological contract of hierarchy.

I’m not alone, though. Others had done the same and also paid the price.

Ego is the enemy

I interviewed Brigadier John Thompson, OBE for my book Tips From The Top – The Secrets of How to Successfully Navigate Middle Management. John tells the story of when he was sacked as a Captain.

“I was responsible for something. I was told to do something which I didn’t agree with because it would have brought harm to the people I was commanding. It was a team that ran across mountains.

“We were told to get to a certain position on a mountain one day, which was extremely dangerous, and I refused to do it. And I went head-to-head with the Major, and of course, you can guess what happened. He sacked me.

“Why was that a mistake on my part? It could have damaged my career. As it happens, it didn’t. But somebody else took over, and they did what they were told, and one of the soldiers got very badly injured.

“Now, it was a mistake on my part, because I let my ego get in the way. What I should have done is to manage that situation. I should have said, “Very good, sir.” And when I got to that point on the hill when I decided it was too dangerous, I could then change the plan.

“The mistake was not understanding myself better. It’s all very well standing on high and telling people what you’re not going to do, but sometimes it leads to a situation which is exactly the opposite that you want to create. And you’ve lost control of that then because you haven’t got the ability to influence it. You’re on the side-line.

“That, to me, was a lesson I learned, and it’s a lesson I have often pointed out to young offices as well. “Beware. I understand you’ve got to establish yourself as a young officer. You’ve got an audience in your soldiers. They all want to think they’re commanded by John Wayne. But don’t perform.

“If you’ve got something to say, you say it in private, and you rationalise it. I should have led, and I should have got to the point where it got dangerous, and then said, “No, we can’t do this.” Because nobody else would have been around to say, “You must.”

So, I’d have come down off the hill a different way. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have said to the soldiers, “If anybody asks, we did it.” But the manner in which I handled that, I let my ego get in the way. That was a huge lesson.”

Middle management is the toughest job in business

Damian Hughes is a Professor of Organisational Psychology and an author of multiple books on leadership. He says, “middle management is often seen as an abject lesson in frustration.”

I can relate to that; maybe you can too.

Darcy Willson-Rymer is the former CEO of Starbucks UK and now the CEO of Costcutter Supermarkets and he echoes this challenge,

“Middle management is the toughest job, because you are at that point in your career where you can’t really complain upwards, and you have got to absorb all the complaints that come from below you.

“You’re at that level say in the retail business, you’re an area manager or a regional manager, and the store managers are bitching and moaning about stuff that comes down the pipe, right?

“You have no choice. You’ve got to implement what’s been decided. You have to absorb that complaint of “Oh, it will never work; oh, I don’t want to do it. We can’t cut costs; we can’t do it.”

“You’ve got to absorb that. You can’t pass it up the line.

“If there are things that aren’t working, you can pass it up the line, but the emotion that comes from below is difficult to pass on. What you have, is rational instruction being passed down, you have emotional response coming up, and you’re the guy, the one person that sits in the middle and must absorb that. You must filter from both sides.”

Just be sure if you are going to pass it back up the line, you don’t skip your boss and go to their boss.

The moment I did that, I lost the trust of my boss and his boss. And probably every other senior person. After all, if I did that to him, what’s stopping me doing that to them?

At that moment, I stopped being a team player. The irony is I thought I was showing leadership and standing up for my team and being a wider team player.

I needed to follow Darcy’s advice, “One other thing I would say is to subscribe to the hierarchy. The hierarchy always needs to be the company first, function second, self-third. You always need to put the mission of the enterprise ahead of your own personal mission. Or that of your function.”

Six months later, my boss suddenly resigned, and someone new was brought in. It was clear from the outset she didn’t trust me, and within a couple of months, an offer was made, and I was on my way.

Harvey Coleman says, “Managers are remarkably tolerant of people who fail to produce at a level consistent with their capabilities as long as their attitudes are positive and their willingness to improve is obvious.”

I’d add that they can trust you to that.

What I learned

I learned a few things from that episode.

1.      Don’t think you can circumvent your boss and it won’t bite you, no matter how well-intentioned

2.     You are playing the game of work whether you like it or not

3.     The game has rules and if you are in the game, learn them and play by them

4.     Not everyone is suited to playing the game, and that’s OK.

5.     I’m unemployable, and I love it

It took several more years and another run-in with a boss, which I lost again, for the penny to drop about point number five.

I wasn’t cut out to or wanted to play that game. My best friend’s Dad told me that when I was 16, and it annoyed me. He was the HR Director for a global firm and astute judge of character. I guess between wanting to prove him wrong and not knowing what to do; I played the game.

I finally got the point at aged 40, when I realised I was unemployable!

I’m not alone.

Back to Damian Hughes, “When I would see things going on that I either didn’t understand or felt were a case of people trying to build up their ego or empire building rather than doing something for the corporate good. I struggled with that.

I struggled with viewing people as numbers on a spreadsheet, rather than seeing the human beings behind it, and the collateral damage as a result of the decisions being made. The other one I struggled with, and it might sound a little bit silly to people reading this was just being sat in meetings. I struggled to sit still. When I first started in the corporate world, I used to find it bizarre the amount of meetings people would have.

“Someone might even have a meeting to discuss a meeting. It’s not something that I ever really came to terms with. In our world now, many people are self-employed, so I’ll ask them, “At what stage did you become unemployable?” And sometimes they’ll reply: “Oh no, I might still go back,” and I realise they are not quite there yet. But then other people will say: “Oh yeah, I passed that when I was within a year of doing what we do.”

It wasn’t all a waste

Along the way, I’ve found, by trial and error, what I both enjoy, and what I’m good at. And that’s working with middle managers. What playing the game, sometimes well and sometimes badly, has given me is a wealth of lived experience, insight, anecdotes, and stories that have shaped who I am and how I do what I do.

I believe I wouldn’t be as useful to my clients without that experience. What made me unemployable as an employee, has made me useful as a consultant. I can call it as I see it. I can be constructively challenging. I’m paid to challenge assumptions, mindsets, and opinions. I’m still playing in a game, just a different game and with rules better suited to me.

It’s been a hard road at times, lots of doubt, financial stresses at the start, but I wouldn’t swap it for the world. Being unemployable in the ‘corporate game’ was the best thing that happened to me. It might be for you too.

Or it might not. You might be better suited to the game, just make sure you learn the rules.

. . .

I work with middle managers to help them excel in their careers, make a difference, and leave a legacy of excellence. The book from which these quotes are taken is available on Kindle for ￡3.01 or paperback, both on Amazon. Read a preview. or get 5 FREE chapters