How I identified the limiting beliefs that kept me from my potential

In the last newsletter I shared the story about being a perfectionist. It would become one of my first limiting beliefs. And the scariest part? I had allowed it to become a limiting belief without even realizing it.

Even worse, being a perfectionist wasn’t really serving me very well. It’s not easy trying to be perfect! Especially when you don’t have the grace to forgive yourself when things go wrong.

I would come to realize that perfectionism wasn’t really even one of my values, but at the time I blindly accepted it and even added a few others.

One of those was “potential.”

Everybody loves the idea of potential. Potential is the expectation to become (or develop) into something better in the future.

In real estate, it’s common for buyers of older homes to love a house's "potential."

When you hear a home buyer say, "it's got good bones," what they are really saying is:, "it's got potential."

The buyer believes that if they put a little money into updating the house, they would see a big return because of the potential they were going to reveal.

But 9 times out of 10 the house never got updated.

The new owner saw the potential but failed to take the risk necessary to actually realize the benefits.

This can happen in life too.

“Alby shows potential but needs to apply himself more consistently.”

I got something close to that on a lot of school report cards growing up.

Why was that? Why didn’t my teachers believe I was reaching my potential?

Because as a perfectionist, I was always playing it safe.

If I wasn’t sure I could do it perfectly—I didn’t want to try at all. I didn’t take the action needed to demonstrate the actual talent.

? I wouldn’t risk doing extra work.

? I wouldn’t try the hard work.

I probably did have potential, but potential without action is worthless.

So, as the work got harder and my potential started to lag, so did my grades.

And the paradox was this:

Trying to be perfect, was actually the thing keeping me from reaching my potential.

But I didn’t yet know I could change, and so my ineffective story continued to grow. Now I was a:

Perfectionist with Potential.

Winston Churchill said, “Continuous effort — not strength or intelligence — is the key to unlocking our potential,” but is that 100% true?

I hear a lot of online voices these days saying that the only thing you need to do to be successful is “stick with it” or “be consistent.”

Take action on an idea, any idea, and then work on it consistently.

But there's a catch.

Years ago, I had a boss who had one solution to every single workplace problem. Two words: "WORK HARDER."

Unfortunately, it meant NOTHING.

Working harder or being more consistent when you’re doing the wrong things just means that you’re going to become an expert at being wrong.

It’s the same with your life.

By accepting labels like “perfectionist” and “having potential” I’d inadvertently set myself up for failure.

Even if I became the “best” perfectionist it would still be a life of stress and frustration. I’d always be worried about making mistakes and never satisfied with my accomplishments.

And being the “best” at having potential really just means that I never took the steps necessary to move from having potential to realizing my potential. I’d never have actually done or accomplished anything.

This was how my innocent sounding labels of “perfectionist” and “having potential” became limiting beliefs. It’s how I continued to accept a series of labels over time which become a sort of self-imposed prison.

And just to be clear, the labels aren’t the problem. The real problem was my blind acceptance of the definition and the baggage attached to the label.

So what do we do? We start by identifying the labels in our lives. I do this with introverts I coach through a process called “Your Current Story.” It’s a process to help you identify your labels, limiting beliefs, and assumptions you have that are holding you back from your true potential.

If you’re interested, here’s a short video explaining my process…

Your Current Story