How I found my WHY

It took me a long time to discover my WHY. Why? A few years ago, I spoke with an executive coach who, probably not intentionally, gave me a mental block.

I went to her one-day seminar for executive women. It was fantastic with lots of nuggets of wisdom and an amazing crowd of positive and eager attendants. We all had one thing in common, we wanted to grow our businesses. As all of you who have attended seminars with coaches like Tony Robbins or Tom Ferry know, these are energetic, inspiring, motivational, informational, spiritual, and exciting, all at once.

I loved everything about it, until… ?

At the end of my coaching day, I had a short 1-1 with the main coach who asked me what my WHY is/was. Hers was her children, which seems like a natural WHY for all parents. For all of us who are not parents, not so much ?? When we talked about my WHY, this unnamed coach told me – THAT’s not strong enough.

That completely turned me off.

For many years, I stopped looking inward for my WHY. When I finally revisited the issue and tried to dig deeper, it took me a long time to discover my WHY. Needless to say, I didn’t hire that coach ??

I did end up working with several coaches. I work with a coach for business growth, one for LinkedIn, one for goal setting, even one for accent reduction so that Alexa can transcribe my videos, and also one for improvisation to become a better speaker.

They all told me to dig deep and verbalize my WHY, still to no avail.

When my LinkedIn coach Joe Apfelbaum offered his annual goal setting course as part of his Evyrgreen coaching program, Joe shared this with me:

There are only 9 Why's that make people different and unique, as per Ridgely oldsborough's book “The Why Engine. ” Here they are:

1. To contribute to a greater cause, make a difference, or add value.
2. To build trust or create relationships based on trust.
3. To make sense out of things, especially if complex or complicated.
4. To find a better way.
5. To do things right or the right way.
6. To think differently and challenge the status quo.
7. To master things, or seek knowledge.
8. To clarify, create clarity and understanding.
9. To simplify.

Goldsborough details a WHY discovery process that helps people find out which WHY is most appropriate for you and he explains what professions and careers are most popular for each WHY.

And voila!

Having a short-list was an amazing help for me. I crossed out those possible WHYs that didn’t resonate with me.

By elimination, I was down to:

• Building trust – This is important to me, but it is not the reason I do what I do
• Find a better way – This too is important to me, but it is not the reason that I do what I do.
• Challenge status quo – This is my WHY

I do NOT and will NOT accept status quo. We, and I, must make a difference, challenge inefficiencies, challenge staying where we are, challenge who we are and growing into someone who is better, more productive, more efficient, and a better person, business, organization, and world.

This is what I have lived by all my life.

I remember, and this is a short-list, when:

My teacher told me that I had to take my schoolwork home to do homework, but I had already completed the work while in class. If I had already completed the work, what was the purpose of taking it home?

I defended my friend from bullies. (Although, I was the one ending up in the principal’s office.) My father defended me?? ?

When I was competing in horseback riding -- jumping, dressage, and cross country -- and asked that instead of spending a day in the woods doing orientation with my school class, to be able to spend the day in the stable with my trainer and riding my horse. I actually made the local news on this very topic, won, and got to spend the day training. My trainers included Rolf-G?ran Bengtsson, who is now a world class equestrian.??

When the Wall Street firm that I worked for had $100 million under management and I asked to bring in a marketer to grow the firm so that they could pay me what I thought I deserved. My group raised $12 billion in AUM as a result.

How did you find your “WHY?” Let me know in the comments.?