How I found my fear of flying – and lost it!

I missed my flight back to the UK when I was 18. I lived in the airport for 2 days sleeping on the floor and all our luggage had gone back to Manchester without us (as it did back then).?

A kind airport policeman took pity on my friend and I and bought us a meal while we grappled with the difficulties of finding another charter flight in peak holiday season.?

We had been so proud of having a last swim, leaving the beach, dressed in shorts and bikinis, and managing to get 2 ferries and a train back to Athens airport in time for our flight?home and our second year at university.?

But as 18-year-old girls tend to do we got distracted by a group of off duty pilots flirting with us. So, we hadn't even reached the main departure lounge when a check in assistant pointed out our flight leaving above our heads and my friend burst into tears. We had a few coins to phone our desperate parents and let them know the bad news.

After two days of stress, sleeping on the floor, being kicked and woken and treated as vagabonds we appealed to the check in desk, badgering them yet again. (We must have been smelly having come straight out of the sea two days ago).

We were frantic to get back to university for the start of the second year. I saw the pilot behind the desk and said to my friend 'cry, just cry' and there and then we had hysterics in front of the pilot who insisted on us flying back on the next plane. I actually flew in the cockpit with the pilots and the hazy photo above from 1984 proves it. My friend sat in the jump seats with the stewardesses. None of that would be allowed now!?

We were so relieved (as were our parents) but that was just the start of developing my fear of flying. It's what's known as the ISE - the 'initial sensitising experience' for a phobia. The first thing you recall about your fear.

Compounding the fear

The next thing is that initial fear gets compounded. Mine developed with a short and very bumpy flight to Edinburgh where the tea and coffee was flying out of our hands as it was so turbulent. (Now I quite enjoy turbulence amazingly).

Then I took a business flight to the USA when we lost one of the engines over Ireland. To be honest I might not have noticed had the American pilot not said we were boldly carrying on.

He said in typical gung-ho cowboy style that this was ' a normal situation...er, well maybe it is abnormal... but hey, we practice this type of thing all the time in simulators so we're carrying on!'.

My heart dropped into my stomach as I realised these problems do happen. However, my colleagues were all strangely confident that we could fly on even one or two engines if necessary.?

This was the second episode that compounded my fear.

Interestingly I wasn't really aware of this until it started to affect me going to the airport and catching, or rather missing, flights. I live so near Heathrow, but I would avoid going and chat with friends as if I was ‘oh, so relaxed’ about my upcoming flight. And then promptly miss it.

I found myself in long queues at the airport frantic about where I needed to be.

On one occasion I actually got compensated for inadvertently missing a flight. Instead of being on my way to Zanzibar I spent the night in a curry house in Twickenham! On another trip I gratefully received compensation to be bumped and take a flight the next day ...I could avoid flying for another day and get ￡150 quid and a hotel stay too!

When I finally got on the long flight to Zanzibar where I was alone, I was petrified of missing connections, so I asked BA for the 'special service' for vulnerable passengers. Normally it’s used for old, infirm people and children, when I was in my early 30s! Surprisingly, I got the service, but it didn't help much...I never saw the words Zanzibar on the departure boards...only Casablanca and Blantyre which made me fear I was on my way back to Scotland! But I made it.

I was now even becoming afraid of being in the airport and constantly watchful of the signs and departure times.

?It was time to act.

?Overcoming the fears

?At this time, I'd started learning how to be a therapist with various techniques including NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and hypnotherapy.

?It meant that I was able to practice on myself and learn how to overcome my own fears. I did this via simple tools with complex names. Changing the 'VAKOG sub modalities of my lSE' which in simple terms means altering the powerful memories installed by the initial experience. The picture in my mind was bright and vivid so I learnt how to tone it down, the noise volume was high so I found I could lower it and do the same with the other senses.

?I also learnt fast phobia cures, relaxation with hypnotherapy, the power of positive suggestion and how to change the negative language in my head. I could become more logical and rational like those colleagues who had been fine about flying on one or two engines.

?And so, I slowly learnt how to fly again. It took time but as I gained confidence and learnt new techniques and coping strategies, I was able to fly comfortably and safely. I even flew to Australia on my own which was probably the final step in my curing myself.?

?Now I am fine flying and even though glitches happen with overbooked planes, cancelled flights and bad weather I know I'll be OK.??

?But I still keep a watchful eye to make sure I never miss a flight again!